


If hate is scary, love is scarier

by Sataninavneck



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tony Stark, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Feelings Realization, Fluff, Forgiveness, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Nightmares, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleepy Cuddles, Tony Stark Cuddles, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Top Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-03-26 11:50:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 59,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19005214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sataninavneck/pseuds/Sataninavneck
Summary: Tony goes to Steve's 100th birthday party as a peace sign. He misses one of his best friends and he wants to rebuild bridges. After being avoided by Bucky all night, he decided that one of the ways of rebuilding his relationship with Steve was by befriending Bucky. What he didn't expect was to slowly fall in love with the man who frequented his nightmares.***Bucky is a man with a dark past and every day for him is a constant fight against his demons. What he didn't expect was to have Tony Stark in his life, giving him hope and a reason to smile.





	1. I'd love to get to know you

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! So this is my first long fic on AO3 and I still haven't decided which days I'll post, so if you like this fic and want to be notified the next time I post a chapter, subscribe to this story. I hope you enjoy :)
> 
> By the way, this first chapter is inspired by the movie "Before we go" which follows two strangers that cross paths in New York and they spend walking around all night, getting to know each other, that is why this first chapter has so much information.

It took him a while to decide if he wanted to go. After all, the last time that Steve and Tony were in a room together, they were trying to kill each other. But Tony was tired of resenting Steve. He was tired of being at war with someone that meant so much to him, someone he trusted at some point in his life and someone that still wanted to be there for him, so with a sigh, Tony got up and made his way to his closet, picking out a suit (not too formal, not too casual) and got ready to leave.

Tony wasn't very familiar with Brooklyn, so it took him a while to find the venue. Happy had offered to take him, but Tony prefered going alone. If by any chance he got too tipsy, he would call an uber and pick up his car the next day.

When he pulled up at the venue, he wasn't too impressed. It was a simple building and it didn't look like much, but when he walked in, he was immediately surprised with how big it was. The decoration was inspired in the late 40’s, as well as the music and it was nice, also kinda cute. He bet that it was Natasha's idea to take Steve back in time for his birthday.

He got on his tiptoes to try to spot Steve. He made his way towards Steve and froze for a second when he saw Barnes. That was something that Tony didn't think of. Of course Barnes was going to be there. He was Steve's best friend from childhood after all and they were a package deal. Barnes also seemed to spot him since he excused himself and went to the bar area. Barnes was a lot of things, Tony thought, but subtle wasn't one of them.  
He took a deep breath, put on his biggest smile, and continued walking towards Steve.

“Tony! You came!” Steve said with a big smile.

“Yeah, I couldn't miss your birthday. It's not every day that your friend turns a thousand years old.” Tony said teasingly.

“Yeah yeah, very funny Tony” Steve rolled his eyes and smiled “I'm really happy that you came, though. I wasn't sure if you would.”

“Hey, we might have had our differences, but I missed having you as a friend” Tony said with a sad smile. “I guess I missed your stupid optimism and your perfect teeth.”

“I thought you said you wanted to punch me in my perfect teeth”

“Yeah well that was then and this is now. I am tired of holding grudges. I want to rebuild my friendship with you. I miss it.”

Steve smiled and hugged Tony.

“I missed you too buddy. Want to grab a drink?” Tony smiled and gave Steve a little nod. Steve looked at the bar and then back at Tony. “Okay, wait here, I'll be right back.”

“Thanks” Tony said and watched as Steve made his way to the bar.

He wondered why he wanted to deliver the drink to Tony personally. Was it because he didn't trust Tony to be anywhere near Barnes? Or was it Barnes that didn't want to have Tony anywhere near him? Or maybe both? Or was Steve still trying to “spare” Tony from Barnes? Why did he even care? Tony didn't want anything to do with him.

_"But Tony, you said you were going to be a grown up and not hold grudges against people."_

Well no thanks, brain. He killed his parents. Was he being unfair though? Ever since Tony found out the truth about his parents’ death, there was a constant conflict in his mind. On one hand, he knew that it was unfair to hold Barnes himself accountable for the crimes he commited, but on the other hand, it was still Barnes the one who murdered his parents, brainwashed or not, and it was Barnes’ face he saw in his nightmares, hovering over his mother's dead body.

“Here you go” Steve handed Tony a drink. He didn't realize that Steve was back. Tony took the glass and smiled before taking a sip.

The night went by slowly, although it was nice seeing his teammates together again and smiling. He went around talking with the people, he played a few board games, had a couple of drinks and lost to a dart game against Clint; but he also felt kinda bad. The entire night, wherever he went, Barnes would drop whatever he was doing or cut short a conversation to move to a different part of the room. Tony thought that maybe Barnes was uncomfortable and didn't want to start andy drama in order to maintain the peace, but him avoiding Tony all of the time was making him really mad. Couldn't he just go to him and fucking apologize instead of ghosting him?

_"You are making this all about yourself."_

He thought about that damned day back in 2016 when everything went to shit. Between the pressure of the UN, the guilt tripping, the framing, the war between his teammates, the truth about his parents and Steve hiding it from him, Tony had a ticking bomb of mixed emotions inside him and when it finally exploded, he had never felt more alone in his life.

All of those memories made Tony dizzy. He walked outside to get some fresh air and saw Barnes leaning on a street lamp. He was having a smoke, lost in thoughts and didn't notice Tony standing there. He took that opportunity to look at Barnes. Really look at him, and not at the image of the murderer he had in his worst nightmares. He looked tired. Not the “It's late” tired, but the “I'm tired of fighting”. His face was relaxed and yet there was a line between his eyebrows, probably from frowning too much, but also lines on the corner of his eyes from smiling. He was a beautiful man. He looked like the type of person whom you could run up to and tell him all of your problems and he would give you a wise piece of advice and maybe even a shoulder to cry on.

“You're staring.” Barnes said without looking at him. How…? Oh right, must be a super spy thing.

“Yeah well I am surprised that you aren't running to the other side of the road.”

Barnes scoffed. “I'm really trying to give you some space and not stir any shit but apparently the world isn't a big enough place for us to not cross paths.” He took a long drag from his cigarette and threw the butt. “Besides, the last time we were in the same building together, we almost killed each other. Now if you excuse me, I need a drink” Barnes said and started walking towards the door.

Tony impulsively grabbed his arm. “I also don't want to stir any shit. I already lost Steve once. I don't want to lose him again. You? I could care less if we interacted, but the least you could do is apologize to me instead of ghosting me.”

Barnes’ eyebrows shot up “You think I'm ghosting you because I don't want to apologize? I wanted to apologize the second you saw that video but it was a little impossible with you chasing me around and trying to kill me. I regret everything that I did as the fist of Hydra. I really do and I don't even know why Steve still thinks that I am worth saving. The things I've done, the lives I've taken, they willl haunt me till the day I die and chase me to hell to torture me for eternity.

“If I haven't apologized already is because I don't know how you'll react. And besides, there are no words that could even start to resemble an apology because what I did is horrible and you wouldn't even believe me if I went to you and said ‘Dude, sorry for killing your parents. All good?’ So yeah, sorry for “ghosting” you, but it's not every day that you have to apologize to someone for killing their parents.”

“You're right” Tony said “It's not every day that you apologize to someone for killing their parents, and how could you know how I would react? I just… seeing you avoid me all night made me feel kinda shitty in different ways. Shitty because it annoyed me that you left every time I was anywhere near you, and shitty because you felt the need to. I'm not here to pick a fight, okay? I am here rebuilding bridges, so here is what we are gonna do. I'm still pissed at you for killing my parents, but let's start fresh. Hi, I'm Tony Stark.” Tony said and offered his hand for Barnes to shake.

Barnes looked at Tony's hand and hesitated for a few seconds before shaking it “Hi, I'm James Barnes.”

“Well, James Barnes, how about you show me around Brooklyn? I've never been here and I am interested in discovering new places.”

“Wait, are you sure, Stark?”

“Call me Tony. And yes, I am sure. Rebuilding bridges, remember, Barnes?” Tony put on his best smile.

“Yeah okay, sure. Uh… let's go this way” Barnes said, pointing at his left “And you can call me… James, if you want to…”

“Will do, James.” Tony started walking towards the pointed direction, without waiting to see if Bar- James was following him. Did he have any idea where they were headed to? No, but he was eager to find out.

They spent more than an hour walking around. They were in silence most of the time, but then James would see an alley where Steve had gotten his ass handed to him and would tell the story. It was hilarious thinking of a short, skinny and sickly Steve getting into random fights 8 times a week, but it was also nice hearing some of his backstory. Steve never liked talking about his past, and Howard hardly knew Steve before the serum.

“And this is the cinema. I remember this alley pretty well because it was the last time ever I saved Steve's tiny ass from a fight. I was looking for him to tell him I got put in the 107th and that I was getting shipped off to England the next day when I heard some noises coming from the alley. I swooped in like a knight in shiny armour and saved the damsel's ass again. Then I took him to a double date to the Stark expo.” Tony went stiff when he heard the name Stark, but James didn't seem to notice. He kept talking with a smile on his face. “God I loved technology and all of the futuristic stuff that was just a dream back then. And Howard was showing his prototype of a flying car and… and the car just… pufsh! There were sparks and the car just went down and he was like ‘Well I said in the future’ and God. It was such a pleasure for me to work with one of my idols…” James’ eyes suddenly went wide as plates “Shit Tony I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-”

“It's okay. I'm not mad at you. I'm just… I didn't know you admired my father.” Tony said with a small voice.

“Yeah. I did. He was a good man.”

“Well I guess we knew two very different Howard Starks then. I don't even think my father ever liked me. The happiest moment in his life was when he shipped me off to a boarding school.”

“I- I don't know what to say.”

“You don't need to say anything, James. I'm over it. Could he have done better? Probably. Did his behaviour towards me shape the person I am today? Absolutely. But I like to think that I am more like my mom. She was nice, and caring. The memories I hold dearest of her are us playing the piano together and her cooking for me. Those were some of the happiest moments of my life. I'm just sad that she isn't here anymore.” Tony said. He felt a tear run down his cheek and wiped it immediately.

“I'm sorry” James said. It was barely a whisper, but Tony heard it. “I'm sorry for taking away your family. I wish I could turn back time and not go to the fucking war. I would've spared so many lives. I just hate how ironic my life has been. I enlisted in the army to fight the Nazis only to end up being a fucking Nazi myself.” He said with disgust.

“There was no way for you to know what would happen. But enough about life's irony. Tell me something about yourself.” Tony said and started walking towards a small park nearby.

“Well, other than being a brainwashed puppet?”

“Yeah.” Tony nodded.

“Well… I was born on the 10th of March, 1917. My mother, Winnifred Barnes died when Bexie and I were little kids, so I don't know her that well. We were pretty much raised by my father, but he died when I was 18 and then Bexie and I got separated. I don't know what happened with her after that. All I know is that she died of old age and she had a family. And then there is Momma rogers, she was like a mother to me. I could always count on her.”

“Bexie is your sister?”

“Yes. I'm happy that she died thinking that I died serving our country and didn't know what I had turned into. She always looked up to me.I also have nephews and grand nephews apparently, but I don't know if I want to look for them”

"Why? Aren't you happy that you have some family left alive?"

"They aren't my family. I lost them when I fell off the train. I don't want them to know who Uncle Bucky really is. I rather they remember me as someone who died long ago."

"They know who you are?" He asked.

"They found Steve when he came out of the ice. They wanted to get to know Steve and they asked him a lot about me. Of course, Steve didn't know I was alive back then and when I was finally free of brainwashing, he suggested that I meet them. But I don't want to. I can't do that to them." He said and there was that frown.

“I can't even start to imagine how that feels” Tony gave him a sympathetic look and sat on a bench, inviting James to sit next to him.

“Don't even try to. The pain, the nightmares… I would've put a bullet in my brain to quiet the ghosts but Natasha wouldn't let me. ”

“Wait… Natasha Romanoff?” Tony asked, shocked.

“Yeah.I was her trainer in the red room.”

“I didn't know that."

"Our pasts aren't something we like talking about. At least she managed to escape."

"You must be proud of who she's become."

James smiled. ”I am. I always knew she was destined for the greater good."

“Does she remember you?” Tony asked. He was still shocked that James and Natasha knew each other.

“Yes she does. She is helping me adjust to the twenty first century and for some reason trying to get me to go on a date because she thinks I am lonely.” he chuckled.

“That is something Natasha would do.” Tony smiled at James and James smiled back. It was one of the saddest smiles Tony had ever seen and it was breaking his heart.

They sat on the bench talking for a while, exchanging stories of their shenanigans as little kids and what they wanted to be when they grew up. James doubled down laughing when Tony admitted between gritted teeth that he wanted to be a professional jelly bean taster because his parents didn't let him have sugar and he thought that having that as a profession would make him a rebel. Tony learned that James wanted to be a mechanic when he grew up and that he adored technology.

"... and I would go around school saying that I would create the biggest spaceship ever and go to Mars to befriend the aliens."

“Okay you are a fucking nerd, Barnes!” Tony said laughing.

“I like to think of myself as a… what do the kids call it nowadays? Oh yeah, a fuckboi, with a soft side.” James said and blushed.

“Well well, for a fuckboi you do blush a lot.” Tony mocked him.

“Well back then you didn't talk so openly about your sex life. It was a taboo topic. Of course Steve knew everything about it back then. We shared an apartment and well… I was very active. I felt bad for the little punk but he was respectful towards women so one night stands were strongly against his beliefs.”

“That sounds like our Cap. No wonder he is a hundred year old virgin.”

“What makes you think he is a virgin?” James winked at him.

“Wait. Wait. Are you telling me that you and Cap had sex?”

James started laughing “You should have seen your face Tony. It's priceless. And for some reason everyone takes the bait whenever I joke about Steve and I having had sex”

Tony made an offended noise and shoved James. “You don't joke about things like that! For a moment I was happy that Cap knew the pleasure of sex before dying of old age!”

“Or doing something extremely stupid because he has no sense of self preservation.”

“Yeah, that too. I'm surprised he is still alive.”

"That's because I kept him alive when he was a little punk. If it weren't for me, he would've probably died beaten to death."

Tony felt his phone buzzing in his pocket and pulled it out. Steve had sent him like a million texts asking where he was and why he had disappeared all of a sudden without saying goodbye. Tony was about to reply but instead he turned his phone off and stuffed it in his pocket. “Are there any more interesting things to see here in Brooklyn? The night is still young.”

“Hm… what about a walk on the beach?” James asked.

“Oh god, yes please. I miss taking long walks on the beach in the middle of the night. When I lived in Malibu that was a thing I used to do pretty often, but now that I am in New York I just don't feel like going to the beach. Much less at night.”

James stood up and offered his hand. Tony took it and got up as well. “I also used to go to the beach a lot back in the 30’s. I usually went with Steve and held him above the water so he could relax his muscles. I miss taking care of him, you know?”

“You might miss it, but I can see it in your face that you are happy for him.”

“Of course I am happy. It was torture for me to see everyone making fun of Steve. I wish I could see the faces of those people if they ever saw Steve now.”

“They would probably be scared of him.” Tony chuckled.

When they arrived at the beach, Tony took off his shoes. He loved the feeling of the sand under his feet. It was soft and cool from the night, and mixed with the light breeze and the sound of the surf, Tony felt relaxed for the first time in what seemed like forever. He suddenly felt nostalgic for his time in Malibu. Sure, there were a lot of bad memories, like Obie betraying him and almost killing him, the palladium poisoning that was slowly killing him, the restless nights after New York, but there were also happy memories, and most of those involved Pepper. He thought of her every now and then and wondered what went wrong, and how if he had done things differently, Pepper might still be with him. But he also knew that it was hard for her to live with the fear of Tony doing something extremely stupid and dying.

Tony looked at James and he also seemed to be deep in thoughts. He wondered what was going on in his mind. Tony felt bad for him. From what James had told him, he was a good man at the wrong time and place. Tony himself was a hostage in Afghanistan and he knew what it was like to be used and abused. The only difference is that Tony became a superhero with a lot of clout, and James became an assassin and a fugitive. Sure, Tony also had to go through trial and prove that he wasn't a danger to society, but one thing was trying to proof that your suit wasn't endangering the people, and a totally different thing was trying to clear your name from killing dozens of innocent people.

James looked at him and smiled. “I think I am going to go for a swim.”

“Won't the water be cold?” Tony asked.

“Well, even if it is, I'm used to being frozen. You could say that… the cold never bothered me anyway.”

“You did not just quote Elsa from Frozen.”

“Oh yes I did. Sam is an asshole and he thought it would be hilarious that the first two Disney movies that I watched were of a fish with memory issues and a princess that was able to freeze things.” He chuckled and took off his shirt and pants. Tony had to admit that James had a nice body, but what caught his eye was his left arm. It was a work of art, that was for sure, but he couldn't help wincing at the sight of the scarring on his shoulder. “It’s not as bad as it seems. It doesn't even hurt that much anymore since Shuri made me the new arm.”

“I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. For what it's worth, I have a pretty big scar in the middle of my chest and other little ones scattered across it.”

“I really don't mind, Tony. I get that you're curious about my arm and it's inevitable to notice the scar. I barely feel anything, it's pretty much dead tissue.”

Tony looked at the scar again and raised his hand to touch it. James took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Tony caressed the skin with his fingers, his touch as light as a feather. The edges of the metal arm were cold and rough under his fingers, the perfect contrast to the warmth and softness of James' skin. James shivered when Tony's fingers reached his chest. “It's been a long time since someone's touched me so delicately. In Hydra no one cared if they hurt me. But you, you are touching me as if I might break.”

“Well, I did have you in a chokehold once” he joked and James laughed at that. With his free hand, Tony undid the buttons of his shirt enough to show his chest, revealing his scar. “It doesn't hurt either since they removed the arc reactor, but when it was in my chest, there were times where I wanted to scream in pain.” Tony took his hand away from James’ chest and finished unbuttoning his shirt, discarding it along with his pants. “Shall we?” He asked, nodding his head towards the sea.

James smiled, and without saying a word, he ran towards the water. Tony followed him and let out a scream when James splashed him, a devilish grin on his face. “Fuck! You are going to pay for that.” he grabbed onto James’ shoulders and tried getting him under the water, but Tony was a normal human being without his armour and moving a super soldier was nearly impossible. “Come on! Put something from your part! I'm trying to duck you!”

“I can see that. It’s cute seeing you suffer, but I guess I'll let you have it your way this time.” He pinched his nose and relaxed his body. Tony grinned and grabbed onto his shoulders again, sinking James. He felt an arm wrap around his waist, tugging him under water as well. They both emerged to the surface laughing and started playing, splashing, ducking and chasing each other.

“It's been a while since the last time I enjoyed being at the beach.” Tony admitted. They were sitting on the shore, using their shirts to protect their butts from the sand.

“Yeah, me too. I’ve tried convincing Steve to come here a few times but he always turns the offer down or takes a rain check. And I don't blame him, he has a lot of things to do.”

“Well you are more important. I mean, he looked for you for years and started a war between our teammates for you, so I don't get why he'd turn you down.”

“I guess he is afraid that I'm still not completely okay.”

“Are you completely okay, though?” Tony asked, looking at James’ face.

He hesitated for a minute. “I’m not one hundred percent sure if I am. In Wakanda, they gave me space and time to heal and they undid the brainwashing and the trigger words. Physically, I'm more than okay, but mentally… I guess I will get better. I'll never stop having nightmares, but I'm dealing with my PTSD the best I can.”

Tony put a hand on James’ shoulder and rubbed little circles on it. “I understand. After the battle of New York, I had PTSD myself. I wasn't aware of what panic attacks felt like, so I would freak out every time I had one. My nights were restless and I couldn't wake up from my nightmares. I still have them from time to time.”

“From what I've heard, you saved the day.”

“But what if I hadn't?”

“You wouldn't be here with me right now talking about it. We all have our traumas and insecurities, and that’s okay. What's not okay is you going through different case scenarios of something that happened six years ago. It's not healthy. Take your time healing, but don't punish yourself with thoughts of something that didn't happen. Because at the end of the day, it wasn't Steve or Thor or Nat who saved the world, it was you, and that shows how damn brave you are.”

Tony smiled and gave James a squeeze on the shoulder. “Thank you. For understanding and not trying to tell me to just get over it.”

“Your welcome.” James put his hand on top of Tony's. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while, watching the sunrise. Tony was surprised at how quick time had gone by and smiled. James had a recurring role in his nightmares for the past two years, but after getting to know him a little bit, he saw him as a normal man.

They got dressed and made their way to the venue. There were still people there, but it looked like the party was coming to an end.

“Well, here's my stop.” Tony said.

“Are you sure you’re okay to drive? You can stay in my apartment, I'll take the couch.”

Tony smiled. “Honestly I'm kinda falling asleep, but I don't want to intrude.”

“It's okay, trust me. The couch is pretty big and comfortable. I can crash there for one night.”

Tony considered the offer and then nodded. “Okay, you win. Take me to your home, gentleman.”

James’ apartment wasn't far from the venue. Tony took in the details as soon as he walked through the door. The kitchen was the first thing he noticed. It was big, with black cabinets, white countertops and a white brick wall. There was a vase with flowers on the island and some pans hanging over it. It was a modern kitchen, except from the vintage sink and stove.  
The living room was also big, and James wasn't lying when he said the couch was big enough.

He expected to see a 1940’s inspired decor, but it was all modern. There was a bookshelf next to the window with a wide selection of books. Some were old books, and others were modern. There were also pictures of pre-war James and Steve, the Howling Commandos and a few pics of their friends. He loved the geometric decor and the standing lamps on the side of the couch.

James led him to his bedroom and turned on the lights. There was a king sized bed, two night stands, a big closet with mirror doors and a wall with big windows. There were standing lamps on both sides of the bed and a succulent on one of the night stands. He wondered if James was the one who decorated the house.

James closed the curtains and opened the closet, fishing out some pajama pants and handing them to Tony.

“I changed the sheets this morning." He said. "The bathroom is just across the room. If you need anything, let me know.”

“Okay, thanks. You have a nice house, by the way.”

“Better than the dump I used to live in in Romania.” He smiled. “Good night Tony.”

“Good night, James.” James walked out of the room and closed the door. Tony changed into the pajamas and got into bed, falling asleep almost immediately.


	2. Mechanical week

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You'll notice how in Bucky's POV, his name is narrated as "Bucky" and in Tony's POV it's narrated as James. The reason to this is because Bucky introduced himself as James to Tony, so for Tony, Bucky's name is James.

Bucky woke up when he heard the door opening. He looked at the clock. It was almost two in the afternoon. He yawned, stretched and got up.

“Hey Steve.”

“Buck! You disappeared last night. I was worried for you.”

“I went out for a smoke and ended up getting kidnapped by a brunette.” he made his way to the kitchen and turned on the coffee machine. He opened the fridge and pulled out eggs and bacon to make some breakfast.

“Oh, so someone got lucky last night.” Steve wiggled his brows.

“You could say so, but not in the way you think.”

“Don't give me the details. I don't think I want to know.” Steve said and opened the fridge to take the orange juice. Bucky felt like smacking him across the face when Steve drank directly from the bottle. What were they? Savages? He just shook his head and reached over the island to grab a pan. He heated it and threw in the bacon.

“So where were you?” Bucky asked.

“I helped Sam move a couple of things to his house and we ended up passing out on his couch. Not the best sleep I've had but at least I'm somewhat rested.” Steve said and chugged more orange juice. From the bottle. “By the way, did you see Tony leave last night? He just disappeared and never said goodbye.”

“Oh, I saw him getting kidnapped by a brunette as well.” Bucky said. He removed the bacon and cracked the eggs. In his opinion, scrambled eggs tasted better when you fried them with bacon fat. Or butter. He turned around and saw Steve frowning. “What's with that face, pal?”

“Nothing. I just… I’m sorry if there was tension between you and Tony last night. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.” Steve said.

“It's okay. It wasn't that bad.” Bucky assured him.

“Are you sure? I felt like I pushed it a little bit by inviting both of you. I guess deep down I was wishing for you two to at least interact.”

“Oh and we did. All night.” Tony said, walking into the kitchen. Bucky watched amused as Steve's brows went up, his mouth gaping.

“How do you like your coffee?”

“Black” Tony answered. Bucky fixed him a cup of coffee and handed it to him. “Oh god, marry me.” Tony said and took a sip, burning his tongue.

Bucky chuckled. “I think it's a little too early for that. But I'll have the proposal in mind.” He winked.

“Someone mind explaining what the hell is going on?”

“Gosh, Cap, watch your language.” Steve rolled his eyes. “What’s going on is that I kidnapped James and forced him to give me a tour of Brooklyn.”

“Yes. It was horrible. I was held at gunpoint. And then he tried to drown me.” Bucky said in his most dramatic voice.

“You tried to drown him?” Steve asked alarmed.

“Oh yeah.” Tony chuckled and bumped his shoulder against Bucky's. The contact sent shivers down his spine. He touched his shoulder where Tony had caressed him last night. The delicate touch of Tony's fingers on his skin was electrifying, intoxicating even. Bucky himself didn't like touching that scar. He found it disgusting. But Tony for some reason didn't. He wanted to feel that touch again. Wanted those calloused fingers caressing his face, his chest, his whole body.

He shook those thoughts away. Tony was just being nice. “Relax, Steve. We are just joking. Tony and I decided to get to know each other and we spent the whole night walking around Brooklyn. We went to the beach and we played for a while in the water. We weren't trying to kill each other.” Bucky reassured him.

“Oh. Well I'm happy to hear that. You two are important to me and I want you to get along.”

“And we will. I actually tolerate James a little more than before.” Tony took a sip of his coffee, hiding his smile with the mug.

“We promise we will try not to kill each other.” Bucky said. “Do you want eggs, Steve?”

“Nah, I'm going to get a shower. I feel dirty.”

“Have fun in the shower, Cap.” Steve rolled his eyes at Tony again and left for the bathroom. “So, does the eggs offer apply to me? Because I am starving.”

“Yes it does.” Bucky took two plates and served the eggs and bacon. He put one plate in front of Tony and another plate in front of him, and dug in.

Tony took a bite of eggs and made the most obscene sound Bucky had ever heard. His dick shouldn't have felt that, but it did. He wondered what other sounds Tony was able to make. If Bucky was being honest, Tony was a very handsome man, and well, Bucky couldn't remember the last time he’d gotten laid. Tony was off limits though. He wanted to forge a friendship with him, not fuck things up. Literally. Besides, Tony had to be crazy to even consider sleeping with him, and he didn't even know what team Tony swung for.

“Your eggs are amazing.”

“Excuse me?”

“I said that your eggs are amazing.” Tony repeated. “What other things can you cook?”

“Well, I'm very good with barbeques, I make some mean ribs. I also cook Spanish, some Chinese and, not to brag, my specialty is Italian food. I make the pasta and the pizza crust from scratch.”

“Next friday I'm free. You could cook me some pasta for dinner.”

Bucky looked at him in surprise. “You want to see me again?”

“Of course, sugar. Especially if there is Italian food on the table. I could give you one of my mother's recipes and see if you can make them justice.”

“Tony… I don't know if I should. It was your _mother's_ recipe.”

“It was, but nobody is using her cookbook, you know, since I eat out pretty much all of the time.”

“I just… I feel like I would be crossing a line. I want to at least respect your mother's memory.” Bucky said and looked down.

“Listen to me” Tony said and grabbed his chin, forcing Bucky to look at him. “You aren't crossing a line, I'm offering it to you. My mother loved cooking, and if you want to respect her memory, you can start by cooking one of her dishes. For her, cooking was a way of escaping her problems, and there wasn't something that made her happier than cooking for me and seeing the smile on my face while I ate.”

Bucky sighed. “Okay, I'll cook one of your mother's recipes for you.”

“Good.” Tony smiled and finished his food and coffee, then he grabbed his phone and handed it to Bucky. “Save your number to my phone so we can make plans for next week. I'm going to change into my clothes. Sadly, I’ve got a meeting this evening and I have to attend it unless I want to be beheaded.” Tony got up and went into Bucky's room to change. Bucky typed in his number and saved it.

Tony walked out fully dressed and Bucky got up to walk him to the door. “Here, don't forget your phone.”

“Thanks.” Tony took his phone and put it in his pocket. “I'll text you as soon as I can” He smiled and got on his tiptoes, kissing Bucky on the cheek. “Have a nice day.” He smiled and left.

Bucky touched his cheek and smiled. When did he turn into a school girl with a crush?

“Did Tony leave?” Steve asked as he walked past Bucky.

“Yeah. He had a meeting.”

“It was weird seeing the two of you so cozy.” Steve said. "Let's hope this lasts.”

“Yeah, let's hope so.” Bucky smiled and sat on a stool. He watched Steve take two loaves of bread and putting them in the toaster. "I don't know if I should be offended by the fact that you just ditched my eggs for a piece of toasted bread."

"Sorry. I'm gonna go for a run and I want to eat something lighter. I can eat them for dinner if it makes you feel better."

"Don't bother, Stevie. I was being dramatic."

"Wanna come run with me?" Steve asked.

"Nah. I'm too tired. I'll probably watch some TV and chill. Besides, I have work tomorrow."

"As you wish."

Steve ate his toasts and left. Bucky took advantage of Steve's absence and tidied up the house. When he was done wiping the kitchen counter, he got into his room to pluck his phone and grab a clean towel. He showered quickly, wrapped the towel around his waist and went back to his room, falling on the bed. He grabbed his phone and looked at it.

**You have 1 unread message**  
Unknown: _Hey James, it's Tony._

Bucky smiled and replied  
Bucky: _Who the hell is Tony?_

He saved his number.

Tony: _Just the man you picked up from the street, let sleep on your bed, fed and gave coffee to ;)_

Bucky chuckled at that

Bucky: _Oh wait, I picked up a man? I was under the impression I picked up a stray kitten._

Tony: _Some people say I have the personality of a cat. It might be because of my plan of world domination._

Bucky: _You don't strike me as that type of person._

Tony: _Looks can be deceiving. And my tech ships worldwide so I’m already halfway there. I'm heading to the meeting. Talk to you later._

Bucky: _Have a nice meeting, kitten ;)_

Tony: _I'm going to allow that nickname ; P_

Bucky smiled and sent him cat emojies. He turned off his phone and got up to put on some pajama pants.

Clint came by that night bringing pizza with him. They had dinner together and watched a movie. Well, Clint and Steve watched the movie because Bucky was dozing off every ten minutes. He finally decided to go to sleep instead of torturing himself with micro naps.

The next morning, he woke up to a text from Tony.

Tony: _Good morning. I hope you have a nice day._

Bucky smiled at the text.

Bucky: _I hope you have a nice day as well._

He got up and put on his work clothes. That morning, Bucky felt like having a coffee and a bagel from Starbucks. He prepared a coffee for Steve and left him a note.

_"Not staying for breakfast. Have a nice day. Love ya."_

Bucky bought his coffee and made his way to the auto shop. His morning started off pretty weak. In the first hour, a man came to get his oil changed, and Bucky couldn't work on the car that came in on Tuesday because he was still waiting for the piece he had ordered, so he busied himself by going through some bills and studying the manual of the latest updates in cars.

By twelve, there were three people at the garage and Bucky got to do something more than just look at his hands. Two of the cars needed simple maintenance, but the last car was a total wreck.

"I'm gonna be honest with you. I could try and fix it, but whatever I do to the car right now would be like putting a bandaid on an open wound." Bucky said. The man winced.

"Can't you try at least fixing it so it can be on the road for a little longer till I find a second hand car that I can afford?"

Bucky thought about it for a moment. "Okay, I'll try my best to extend the life of this baby, but don't count on her too much. She can give up at any moment. Another thing we can do is this, you can give me a budget and i'll try to find you a car that actually works and extend her lifespan. Meanwhile, I can rent you one of my cars so you can drive safely. It's all up to you."

The man considered the options. Bucky was going to make a profit out of either of them, but he felt like fixing his car for it to break again was a skam. The man finally spoke. "I can afford eight thousand getting a fee. Do you think you can get me a car for that money?"

Bucky nodded. "Yeah, totally."

"Okay. Can you explain to me how the renting of a car from you works?"

"Sure. Follow me to my office."

Bucky picked one of his cheapest cars and took out the paperwork. He explained to the man all of the things that renting included and made him sign a few papers. He handed him the insurance papers and the permit and went to get the car.

He felt good about the deal he had closed with the man. For Bucky, the most important part of his job wasn't making profit but making sure that his clients were safe on the road. He called a few people and made appointments to go check the state of the cars.

The piece he was waiting for arrived around three o'clock and he spent the entire afternoon fixing the car he had in his garage.

Sam went to pick Bucky up around eight and they went to his house because Sharon had called a mandatory game night.

"So how is business going?" Sam asked.

"It's going pretty well. Today was kind of a weak day but other than that I am happy with how the auto shop is doing."

"You seem happier since you opened it." Sam said.

"Yeah. The truth is that when I'm working I concentrate on what I'm doing and not on my traumas. They are still there, but having something to keep myself focused on takes off the edge of some of them."

"That's good. But don't forget that talking is also very important."

"I know, Sam. But sometimes it's difficult to put in words what I'm feeling."

"I know. But I am proud of you, okay? You've done a lot of progress and that makes me really happy. If you keep it up, you might even heal from some of your wounds."

Bucky smiled. "I'm looking forward to that day."

The drive home was short so they didn't have time to talk about Bucky's mental state in depth.

He took a quick shower and went to the common area. The menu of the night was chinese food and lots of tequila. They ate the takeout, cleaned up the table and started off game night with a quick round of spin the bottle. Bucky had to kiss Clint, Nat and Steve. When the bottle pointed at Steve and Sharon, everybody cheered and howled.

"Come on Steve! I saw you when you kissed Sharon for the first time and you weren't that shy!" Bucky yelled. Steve flipped him off and spun the bottle again.

After spin the bottle they played 'Truth or Dare', continued with 'Never have I ever' and finished the night with poker.

"I'm sorry guys, but the oldest man in the group has to sleep." Bucky got up and everyone started booing him. He said good night to his friends and went to his room. He checked his phone and there was another message from Tony.

Tony: _What are you up to?_

Bucky: _Not much. I'm getting ready to sleep. You?_

Tony: _I'm in the workshop working on some projects. Don't wanna keep you up. Good night. Have sweet dreams._

Bucky: _good night to you too. Don't forget to take a glass of milk before bed, kitten._

Tony: _ha ha ha. Very funny._

That week, Bucky and Tony didn't see each other again. Tony tried to talk him into going clubbing, but Bucky wasn't in the mood. He didn't like clubs. They were too overwhelming. Most of the people that went clubbing were there with the same purpose: getting laid. And it wasn't that Bucky didn't want to have sex, on the contrary, he missed fucking the life out of someone and he was tired of masturbating, but he didn't feel like he was in the right headspace.

On Tuesday, Bucky found a Toyota Avensis for four thousand dollars and went to check out the car. He knew that the Avensis that came out in 1998 were still running and were the safest cars out there. Bucky inspected the car carefully and ended up buying it. There were very little changes he had to make and he calculated that his client could take the car home for six thousand dollars. He ordered a few parts for under the hood, new tires and windshield wipers.

On Thursday, before leaving for home, Bucky called Luis to ask him to work on Friday and Saturday morning. When Bucky told Steve a year ago that he would have Luis helping him from time to time in the auto shop, Steve was sceptic. But after Luis fixed Steve's bike, Steve started to trust him a little bit more. Bucky thought that maybe Steve didn't like Luis because he was a thief, but Luis wanted to go clean and he won Bucky's trust almost immediately. Bucky never had a problem in leaving Luis alone in the garage, and he never bothered to look the next day if there was something missing. He wanted to give Luis the benefit of the doubt, and he was extremely pleased with that decision the day he made inventory of the shop and found out there was nothing taken.

Bucky left the shop and pulled out his phone. Tony was texting him all of the time because he was at a meeting and he was bored. Texting Tony had become a daily routine. They would text each other the first thing in the morning to wish each other a good day. On lunch, Tony would text him updates of his day so far, and at night, they would watch a random reality show and comment it over text. Tony savagely dragged the Kardashians and Bucky ranted about how stupid it was to call Kylie "seld made".

His dinner date with Tony was one day away, but it felt like forever. It wasn't that big of a deal, or at least it wasn't supposed to. Tony made it clear that he wanted to fix his friendship with Steve, and in order to do that, he had to get along with Bucky. And he was grateful for that. Tony was an amazing man and he liked the idea of being friends with him, after all, they had an amazing time together.

When he woke up the next morning, he had 6 new messages from Tony.

Tony: _Hey so, how about we meet in my house? I'll come pick you up at five?_

Tony: _By the way, mr chef, what will you need for tonight’s dinner?_

Tony: _Stupid question. You don't have the recipe. I'll check out the ingredients and I'll go buy them._

Tony: _Okay no, we can actually go buy them together. I don't really do the whole ‘what brand is better’ thingy._

Tony: _Do you have that machine that turns the dough into spaghetti?_

Tony: _Also, sorry for bombing you with messages this early. I woke up early and couldn't go back to sleep. Hope I didn't wake you up *kissy face emoji*_

Bucky: _Hey kitty. Five sounds good. We'll go to the grocery store together, just make a list of what we need. I do have a spaghetti maker, I'll bring it with me. And it's okay, you didn't wake me up. See you at five *kitty emoji*_

Bucky got up and ate breakfast. Then he grabbed his keys and airpods and went out for a run. It was a nice day outside, so he took the longer path to his gym, where he spent two hours. Usually Bucky didn't do more than an hour, but he needed to do something to distract himself from thinking about dinner with Tony.  
He ate lunch with Natasha at her favourite salad bar. The first time Nat dragged him there, he was kinda sceptic that he would like eating salads. He wasn't that much into green leafs with salt, but he had to admit between gritted teeth that the salads there were actually really good, and now it was his and Nat's special place and he didn't like sharing it with anybody else.

He arrived home with enough time to get ready, so he got into the shower.He was rinsing his hair when he heard the doorbell ring. He waited to see if Steve would get the door, but the bell rang again. _Fuck me_. He took his towel and wrapped it around his waist. People had the worst timing ever. He opened the door and was greeted by a smiling Tony.

“Tony, what are you doing here? Isn’t it early?”

“Yes, one hour early. Cap asked me to drop off some documents that he needed for something I really don't care about. Where is he?”

“Uh… I think he's in his room. Come in.”

“Thanks.” Tony stepped in and closed the door behind him.

“Steve! Get your ass out here! Tony's waiting for you!”

“Coming!” Steve yelled.

“I'm gonna go finish showering. Do you want anything to drink?” Bucky asked.

“I'm okay. Go finish your shower. I didn't mean to interrupt.”

“It's okay. Make yourself at home.” Bucky smiled at Tony and headed back to the bathroom. He finished showering, brushed his teeth and blow dried his hair. He didn't know what to wear, so he decided on some jeans and a black henley.

When he walked out, Steve and Tony were sitting on the couch going through the documents Tony had brought with him. From what Steve had told him, Tony and him were planning on restarting the Avengers. They had to get the government's blessing first, so it was going to take a long time, but Steve was already working on clearing his name along with Bucky and he was even considering signing the Sokovian Accords.

Bucky went to the kitchen and looked for the spaghetti machine.

“Are you ready?” Tony asked.

“Yes. I just need to grab my things.” Bucky said. He grabbed the Spaghetti machine and put his keys, phone and wallet in his pocket and joined Tony in the living room.

“Okay. Well, Steve, as much as I enjoy your company, I have a thing with James. We can finish discussing the budgets on Monday.”

“It's quite urgent, Tony.”

“Come over tomorrow then.”

“Okay, I'll drop by tomorrow. You two have fun I guess.”

“We will Stevie. Don't do anything stupid till I get back.” Bucky teased.

“How can I? You're taking all the stupid with you.” He answered with a smile.

They said bye to Steve and walked out. On the way to the grocery store, Tony was talking about how frustrating his meeting was and how he was grateful that it was Pepper who usually took care of those type of stuff. They pulled up in front of the grocery store and went inside to buy the ingredients.

Tony was like a little kid. Whenever Bucky got distracted reading the labels, Tony would put a bag of chips or a packet of cookies in the cart and then pretend like he had no idea how those things got there.

They left the store and headed to Tony's home. He had heard that the Avengers Mansion was big, but seeing it in person was breathtaking. Steve had lived there once, but since the Avengers broke up, everybody moved out and got their own places, so Tony was living by himself.

“This is a huge house for one man.” Bucky said as they walked to the kitchen. He could fit his entire apartment from the 30’s in the living room.

“It gets lonely sometimes, but I'm mostly used to it. Besides, I have an army of robots and an AI that keep me company.”

“Normal people have pets. You have robots.”

Tony chuckled. “The good thing about robots is that you don't have to worry to find a sitter for them when you want to travel. They can get by on their own.” He left the shopping bags on the counter and started putting away the groceries. He showed him where to find the different kitchen supplies and while Bucky was getting started on the pasta dough, Tony went to grab his mother's cookbook.

When he came back he showed Bucky the notebook where his mother wrote down her recipes. It was thick and had a beautiful brown leather cover. “It's bookmarked.” He opened the book on the page with the recipe and put it in front of Bucky so he could read the ingredients.

“How about you dice the tomatoes? Can I trust you with that task or are you going to accidentally chop off your fingers?”

Tony glared. “I said I don't cook. Chopping is a totally different thing and I am capable of doing it.” He grabbed the tomatoes and washed them before dicing them. He looked at Bucky, waiting for him to give him another task.

“Grab a pan, pour a little bit of olive oil and let it heat for a few minutes, then add the tomatoes and a garlic clove.”

“Yes, chef!”

After finishing his tasks, Tony poured two glasses of wine and placed one in front of Bucky. “Thanks” Bucky finished up the dough and let it sit for a while. He washed his hands and grabbed the wine glass.

“Okay, let's make a toast.” Tony said and cleared his throat. “To new friendships.”

“To new friendships.” he repeated and they clinked their glasses together. Bucky took a sip of wine and let out a moan. “God this wine is good.”

“It's one of my favourites. I save it for special occasions.”

“I didn't know you considered this a special occasion.”

“I have the world's most dangerous assassin in my kitchen cooking pasta for me from scratch. Not everybody has that privilege.”

“And I'm happy with that. I like cooking for my friends only. Sam thinks I should open a restaurant or something, but cooking for strangers and under pressure isn't one of my favourite things. They never appreciate the effort you put into a dish.”

“If it makes you feel better, I woke up craving your eggs this morning.”

Bucky let out a chuckle. “You love making things sound dirty, don't you?” He asked and stirred the tomato sauce.

“Dirty humour. Got it from my dad.” Tony answered. "By the way, do you have a job?"

"I do, actually. I got a degree in mechanics and opened an auto shop, so I work repairing cars. Not as impressive as what you do though."

"It's actually really cool. I love cars, and sometimes I repair them when I'm bored. I have a few classics that I inherited from my dad and I work on them in my free time."

“I love classics. The other day I repaired a 67' Corvette. What a beauty. Speaking of your dad, did he ever tell you the fondue story?”

“My father never told stories, so I don't think I've heard it.”

“Well, when Steve heard that me and my team were caught by Hydra, Peggy and Howard flew him to Hydra's base to save us. Apparently on their way to the base, Howard asked if Peggy wanted to stop for a late night fondue, and poor little Steve got all jealous because he thought fondue meant sex. He literally used that in an argument he was having with Peggy when she caught him kissing another lady and Howard had to sit down with him and explain that he and Peggy weren't having sex, that fondue was melted cheese and it was their favourite snack. After that, we spent weeks making fun of Steve about it. Howard and I would just randomly ask each other if we were up to go out to get some fondue.”

Tony started laughing. “Thank you for that! Oh man, I will tease Steve endlessly.” He took another sip of wine. “So, were you and my dad friends?”

“No. We were just teammates that hung out from time to time.”

“And how was he like?”

“Well, he was brilliant and funny. And also really weird. He once told me that he wanted to get a flamingo and name him Bernard Stark.”

“He did end up getting it.”

“You're kidding me.”

“I swear. I was pretty pissed off when I found out because he wouldn't even let me have a dog and he had a fucking flamingo and a koala.”

“He also had a- of course he had a koala.” Bucky chuckled and checked the dough. He put it in the machine and made the spaghetti. Bucky was still nervous about cooking this dish. It felt like he was violating something sacred for her, like if after cooking her dish he might as well go dance on her grave, but Tony had insisted and Bucky had to admit that those big brown eyes were a weakness of his.

He continued cooking and hoped for the best.


	3. Getting dirty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains smut

When Tony offered James to cook one of his mother's recipes, James looked worried. Almost like if he felt unworthy of cooking one of her dishes. The truth is, Tony didn't think it through when he offered, and it wasn't until he saw James’ face that he realized that maybe he was putting him in a violent situation. Maybe for him it felt like a punishment? Tony certainly didn't want him to think of it like one. It was Tony's best way of showing James that he trusted him, by giving him a piece of his childhood that he held very dear, apart from the piano lessons.

Dinner was ready and Tony set the table while James plated the food. He was nervous to try the pasta and also curious to see if he had made his childhood’s favourite dish justice. He sat down, poured wine and waited for James.

James walked out with a plate in each hand and a huge smile on his face. He placed one plate in front of him and the other in front of Tony and sat down.

“You go first.” James said and watched as Tony took a bite of his spaghetti.

Suddenly, he was transported back to his childhood. The pasta tasted the same as his mother's, maybe even better after almost thirty years of not having it. He chewed slowly, savouring it, then he took another bite and let out a soft moan. He looked at James. He had his eyebrow raised, probably waiting for Tony's final verdict. “You outdid yourself, Mr Barnes.” He didn’t bother saying more, he just took another bite of the delicious food.

James tried the pasta as well. “Oh. Wow. I have to admit that this is the best pasta I've ever had. Your mother had really good taste.”

“You bet she did. She was capable of opening the fridge, taking random ingredients, throwing them in a pot and making the tastiest dish ever. And her desserts were also awesome. She used to make an amazing apricot tart. Are you into baking? Because I am definitely going to force you into making that tart.”

“I do like baking. Steve's birthday cake? It was all me.”

“Any more hidden talents I should know about?”

“I am a great dancer.” He said with a smile and took another bite of his food.

“What type of dances?”

“Mostly things from my time. Nat taught me how to grind and twerk and once I gave Sam a lap dance to annoy him.”

“I've seen you and Sam interacting only once and yeah, a lap dance just to annoy him is totally something you'd do.” Tony took a sip of wine. “What’s the deal with you and Sam though? Are you like… partners?”

James almost spit out his drink. “You… thought Sam and I are a couple?” Tony nodded slowly. James almost fell off his chair laughing. “Tony, I hate myself, but not enough to date that little asshole. Holy shit. He is like a brother to me. Nothing else.”

“Sorry. I just assumed since you two seem pretty close.”

“Well in that case, are you and Steve dating? Cause you two seem close and bicker like an old couple.”

Now it was Tony's turn to laugh. “If Steve and I were together, we'd already killed each other. We are good friends, but totally incompatible.”

“Yeah. Life with Steve can be a little bit… tough. He's too politically correct. But he is also a good friend. He never left me behind even when he knew he would become a fugitive if he helped me, so that's something I appreciate. It's hard to find friends like him.”

“Steve and I started with the wrong foot but I have to admit, I missed him a lot these past two years. It wasn't the same without him and the team. But he was there for me even when he wasn't.”

“Steve also missed you. He is happy that you two are talking again and that we are trying to get along.”

“Well I mean, now that I get to know you, you aren't that bad.”

“You aren't that bad either, kitten.” James smiled and winked at him. Tony could feel himself blush like a schoolgirl. What was this man doing to him?

After they finished eating, they moved to the couch with a bottle of wine and Tony suggested that they watch Titanic since James had never watched it. Halfway through the movie, James was whining about how boring it was and how he couldn't stand that stupid Celine Dion song.

“Well there is this TV show called Supernatural, in which the angel Balthazar unsunk the ship because he hated the movie.”

“I think Balthazar is the most relatable character in TV history.” James said and turned his attention back to the film.

When the end credits were rolling, Tony was curled up at James’ side crying while James petted his hair. “You have no emotions.” Tony accused.

“I have, a lot of them. This movie just doesn't do it for me.”

“Okay then, which movie is a tear jerker in your opinion?”

James thought for a while and answered “Marley and Me and Hachiko always make me cry. I have a soft spot for dogs.”

“You do seem like a dog person.”

“My biggest dream is to one day be surrounded by Golden Retriever puppies.”

“For now you will have to settle with an army of robots and a sad kitten.” Tony wiped his eyes and toyed with James’ shirt. “Romantic movies always make me sad. I try not to watch them because it reminds me of how shitty my love life is. My longest relationship was with Pepper, but I ended up pushing her away with my reckless behaviour.”

“I'm sorry to hear that. You must have loved her a lot.” James said.

“I still love her. I guess you never really forget your first love, but I am ready for new relationships.” Tony looked up at James. He looked like a piece of renaissance art. His hair was in a messy bun, with loose strands on the sides of his face. His eyes were big and blue (dark blue with the little amount of light in the room) and his cheekbones were soft, unlike his sharp jaw. But the feature Tony couldn't stop looking at were his lips. They were so beautiful, and pouty and inviting, and he just wanted to kiss him.

“You're staring again.” James said with an amused look.

“I tend to do that when I see something I like.” Tony answered. He was being too forward and if James pointed that out, Tony would blame the wine. Which was a lie, because the wine wasn't affecting him. He had a higher alcohol tolerance.

“Oh yeah? And what is it that you like?” James asked and shifted a little to face Tony.

“This.” He reached up and traced James’ lower lip with his thumb. James took his hand and kissed the pads of Tony's fingers and then the back of his hand. Damn he was a gentleman. Tony debated whether he should make the first move or not, failing for the first option. He leaned in slowly, and James met him halfway. It was a simple and chaste kiss, but it was enough to set Tony's entire body on fire.

They pulled away and Tony looked at James from under his lashes. James was blushing, but at the same time his eyes were filled with desire. Tony kissed him again, deeper this time, and was rewarded with a soft moan. Tony tentatively licked at his lower lip and James opened his mouth, letting Tony in. He explored every inch of James’ mouth, getting to know it better. He bit his lower lip and pulled at it and kissed him again, each time getting rewarded with a soft moan, or a groan, or a tight grip on his waist.

They pulled away to catch their breath. James’ lips were red and swollen from the kiss. The sight was intoxicating and it did things to Tony. He wanted to taste so much more. He wanted to run his hands down James’ body and discover every inch of his skin, learn where he was ticklish, where he was sensitive, how hard his nipples would get under his tongue. He wanted to bite and suck on his neck, leave beautiful and possessive hickeys everywhere.

He leaned in and kissed his neck, feeling James shudder with the touch. He reached for the hem of James’ shirt and put his hand under it, softly caressing his skin while he worked on leaving a hickey just under James' jaw.

James let out a little moan but he took away Tony's hand. “Tony… how far are you planning on taking this?”

Tony looked at him with raised eyebrows. “How far are you willing to take it?” he asked and ran his thumb along James’ jaw.

“I- I don't want you to do something that you're not comfortable with. I don't want this to be a mistake and put a wrench in our friendship, or whatever this is between us.”

“I am comfortable with this. The question is, do you want to do this?”

“Of course I want to. Have you seen yourself? I haven't gotten laid in seventy years and I'd be damn lucky if you were the first person I slept with. But I want to make sure that you really want this and that you aren't going to regret sleeping with me.”

Tony felt something in his chest. Normally people didn't care to ask Tony if he was sure he wanted to have sex with them. He smiled and kissed James softly. “I am a hundred and one percent sure that I want to do this.” He got up and took James’ hand, pulling him towards his bedroom.

Tony opened the door to his bedroom and as soon as they walked in, James was kissing him and undoing his buttons. They walked towards the bed without breaking the kiss. James took Tony’s shirt off and pushed him on the mattress. He looked at his chest with hungry eyes and leaned down, licking a stripe from his waist to his scar and stopped there. He caressed the scarred flesh and left a few soft kisses on it. Tony shuddered at the sensation.

“Come here and kiss me.” Tony demanded and grabbed at James’ shoulders, pulling him up. James kissed Tony's neck, then his jaw and the corner of his lips, teasing him while touching his body gently. James kissed him again and with his flesh hand, he pinched Tony's nipple. His back arched up, pressing their bodies together. Tony made a small whine and grabbed James’ shirt, pulling at it and taking it off. He ran his fingers down James’ chest, feeling the smooth and warm skin.

He switched positions so James was laying on his back, and straddled his hips, then leaned down and started tracing his scar with kisses. He stopped at his chest and moved to his left nipple, taking it in his mouth and sucking it. James let out a moan and arched his back, placing his hands on Tony's hips and squeezing them. “God, your mouth… so good.” He could feel James’ dick getting hard. He rocked his hips down, earning a groan from James.

He pulled away from the nipple he was working on and moved to the other. He circled it with a finger, his touch light as a feather, raising goosebumps on his skin, and then leaned down and licked at it. James shuddered.

“You’re killing me kitty.” He said and wrapped his fingers on the back of his neck, pulling him down for a kiss. His other hand went to the front of Tony's pants, struggling to undo the button and open the zipper.

Tony got up and wiggled out of his pants and underwear. He got on his knees between James’ legs and undid the button of his jeans. With his teeth, he pulled down the zipper and licked at James' trail of hair that lead to his navel. He gently pulled down the jeans along with his underwear and admired James' cock. It was long and thick and uncut and Tony wanted to feel that glorious flesh in his mouth, to taste it and choke on it. Tony ran his fingers down James’ shaft, teasing, watching how his cock jerked with the soft touch. He leaned in and slowly licked a line up, stopping at the crown. He licked at the underside of his gland and then took the head in his mouth.

A loud moan escaped James’ lips and he put his right hand on Tony's head, curling his fingers in Tony's hair. Tony circled James’ gland with his tongue a couple of times before taking as much of James’ cock in his mouth as he could. He started bobbing his head and reached up to play with James’ nipples, pinching and pulling at them.

“Fuck.. your mouth... feels so … good.” James said in between moans. Tony pulled away and James made an incoherent protest.

“Don't worry sugar, I'm not done with you.” He reached for his night stand and opened the top drawer to grab the lube. Tony loved doing blowjobs, and any other day he would edge James and and make him beg to come in his mouth, but right now he was more interested in getting filled by that cock. He leaned down and lickes at the precome that was pooling on James' belly and then handed him the lube. “Please tell me you are a top or at least a switch, because if not I'm going to be disappointed.”

“I guess it's your lucky day then.” He tipped Tony's chin up and kissed him breathless before pressing him down to the mattress. “Relax for me, kitten.” James said and started kissing down Tony's body.

Tony spread his legs and watched as James settled between his thighs. He opened the cap and squirted lube on his fingers. He teased at Tony's hole before pressing the pad of his finger against it. James leaned down and kissed Tony as he pressed his finger inside up till the first knuckle. “You okay kitten?” Tony nodded and kissed him again. James pushed in the rest of his finger and waited for a moment before moving it.

It had been a while since the last time Tony had slept with a man, but he did like fingering himself from time to time, so he wasn't a stranger to the feeling of fingers moving inside him. But there was something about the way James was working him open that felt new and exciting. It wasn't urgent and needy, it was slow and gentle, like if James wanted to learn everything about Tony, what he liked and how he liked it.

James pulled out his fingers and Tony whined at the loss. “Shhh kitten, it's okay, I'm gonna fill you up and love you so good.” he whispered into Tony's ear and bit on the lobe. “Condom?”

“I’m clean. What about you?”

“Super soldier serum. I can't carry or get diseases.”

“Then no condom.”

James nodded and drizzled lube on his cock, slicking it. “Relax, okay?” Tony nodded. He felt James pressing against him and then pushing the tip inside. James let out a groan. “Fuck, you're so tight.”

Tony took in a deep breath. “It's been a while.” James kept still for a moment, waiting for Tony to relax, and then pushed in a little further. Tony let out a little hiss and moved just a little to find a comfortable angle, earning a moan from James.

"If you think it will be easier for you, we can do doggy style." James suggested.

"It's okay. Just… take a pillow and put it under the small of my back." James nodded and took one of the pillows. When Tony raised his hips, James let out a groan and a "fuck".

"Better?" James asked.

"Yeah."

James put his elbows on the sides of Tony's head and leaned in to kiss him. He slowly pushed all the way in and stilled himself, giving Tony time to adjust.

He was impossibly stretched around James' cock and he needed a moment to relax his muscles. The last thing he needed was a torn rim. James kissed him softly and moved to his neck to suck a couple of hickeys there.

Tony wrapped his legs around James’ waist. “You can move now. Slowly, please.”

“Don't worry. I'll be gentle” He answered and softly rocked his hips. “Fuck kitty, you're so tight. You feel so good” James moaned and rocked against Tony again.

“Fuck you're big.” Tony chuckled and kissed James. James moved slowly, kissing Tony, mapping his body with his hands and whispering sweet nothings to his ear. Tony rocked his hips up to meet James' thrusts. They were like pieces of a puzzle, fitting perfectly, creating art. With each thrust, each brush against his prostate, each moan in his ear, bite, kiss, James sent sparks all over Tony's body.

“Harder, please.”

James steadied up on his knees and grabbed Tony's legs, placing them on his shoulders. He started thrusting into Tony faster, changing the angle of Tony's hips to hit that spot inside him. Tony threw his head back and moaned. He gripped the sheets above his head tight, looking for support. The way James was fucking into him, hitting that spot over and over again was bringing Tony closer to his orgasm.

James let go of his legs and leaned down to kiss him. One of his hands found Tony's cock and started stroking him in time of his thrusts.

"Fuck.. so close. More, please more." James twisted his hand and ran his thumb over Tony's tip, pressing his finger on the underside of Tony's gland every time. Tony's eyes closed as he came crying out James’ name. His entire body clenched and his hips thrust up uncontrollably with every shock of his orgasm, riding it out. He didn't realize he was scratching James’ back until James winced.

“Fuck, sorry.” Tony apologized, breathless.

“ ‘Sokay” James said and thrust a couple of more times before coming inside him. He collapsed on top of Tony's chest, still spasming with the aftershocks of his own orgasm and trying to catch his breath.

“That was… perfect” Tony said, running his fingers through James’ hair, damp with sweat.

James looked at him and smiled. “It was more than perfect baby.” He kissed Tony's chest and rolled off him. “I think I need a shower.”

“We both do.” He sat up and winced a little. “Wanna join? Y'know, to save water.”

James laughed. “Of course.”

They took a shower and changed the sheets. James looked through his pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He went to the balcony in Tony's room and leaned on the railing, lighting the cigarette and taking a long drag. Tony joined him outside.

"Mind if I join you?" Tony asked.

"Not at all." He extended his arm and Tony placed himself between the railing and James, wrapping the taller man's arm around his shoulders. He rested his head on James' shoulder and sighed. He was happy and well fucked. The last time he had sex was two months ago with a very eager woman. He didn't enjoy the experience too much. She was in for her own pleasure. But the way James had fucked him was amazing. He was gentle and he always made sure Tony was feeling pleasure, changing the angle and pace, going slower and deeper. The ghost of his hands was still lingering on his skin, and not to mention the impressive hickeys he had left behind. Tony was going to have the memory of James on his skin for at least a week.

James was hugging Tony to his chest and kissing his neck tenderly. Tony melted in his arms.

"I am going to consider this your first time." Tony teased him.

"Pretty much." James went back to kissing Tony's neck.

"I'm trying to mock you." Tony said and pulled away with a giggle when James made a raspbeŕry against Tony's shoulder.

"There's nothing to mock. You are my first time since the fall."

"I'm offended that nobody has slept with you. But it's their loss. You're amazing in bed."

James chuckled. "Thank you. But it's not that people didn't want to sleep with me, it's me who wasn't in the right headspace to sleep with anyone."

"Are you in the right headspace now?" Tony turned around and looked at James.

"Yes. Don't worry, if I weren't in for it, I would have brushed you off somehow instead of kissing you." James said and placed a kiss on Tony's forehead.

"That makes me feel much better. I'm not into taking advantage of people."

"You can sleep with your conscience clean. It was totally consensual and I enjoyed it." James kissed him and pulled him into the bedroom. They got into bed and Tony cuddled up against James' chest. Tony's lids were heavy with sleep.

"Good night James."

James kissed the top of Tony's head. "Good night kitten."

The next morning Tony woke up first. He stretched and watched James sleep for a while until his stomach so rudely interrupted him. Tony thought about waking James up and going out for breakfast, but then he thought about how nice it would be if Tony prepared something to eat instead.

He got up carefully not to wake up James, put on some underwear and a shirt and went to the kitchen. He started the coffee machine and took his mothers’ book. If he remembered it correctly, she had a recipe somewhere in there of Nutella pancakes.

“Gotcha” Tony said as he finally found the recipe and started pulling out the ingredients and making the batter. He wasn't that good at cooking, but he had to admit that pancakes were easy to make. He got a small pan and put it on the stove to heat up.

He was flipping pancakes when the doorbell rang. “FRIDAY, who's at the door?” Tony asked, not bothering to go get it.

“It's Captain Rogers sir. Do I let him come in?” His AI asked.

Shit. The budgets. He forgot. “Uh… sure, let him in.” How was he here so early. He looked at the clock and almost choked on air. It wasn't early. It was eleven fucking o’clock. How? Tony never managed to sleep past 8 on his good days!

“Hey Tony.” Steve walked in and stopped dead in his tracks. “You are cooking.”

“No shit Sherlock. What gave it away?”

“You never cook.”

“I do now. Tell you what, why don't you leave the budgets here on the counter, I’ll go over them and you go home to eat a bottle of proteins or whatever it is you do at this time in the morning.”

“You seem eager to kick me out.” Steve noted.

“Well, I am kinda having a good morning, you know?” Tony said as he plated two pancakes and handed them to Steve.

Steve took the plate and placed it on the counter. He took a bite of one of the pancakes and gasped, almost choking when a crumb went into the wrong side.“Holy Molly, Tony! These are actually really good!” he complemented.

Tony smiled and mentally fist pumped the air. “Thank you. This was my mother's recipe.” he said and flipped another pancake.

“So, did you and Bucky have a good time last night? I didn't hear him coming.”

“I did.” Tony whispered.

“What?” Steve asked. He clearly heard that but he was playing dumb.

“Oh, nothing. I was saying we did have a good time. He stayed here.” Tony said. As if on cue, James walked in wearing only his underwear. He was rubbing his eyes like a little kid and had the worst case of bed slash sex hair.

“Morning.” He said and looked at Steve. “What are you doing here?”

Steve's eyes were as wide as plates. “Budgets.” He answered.

“Oh.” James took a mug and poured himself a coffee. “Smells good, kitty. I thought you said you didn't cook.”

“Well I don't, but I craved something sweet after last night's… fondue” He looked at Steve in the eyes as he said that last part. Steve looked like his eyes would pop out of his head at any moment.

“Oh yeah. The fondue was definitely nice” He winked at Tony.

“Okay, got the message. I’m leaving before you two scar me for life. I'm happy you two worked your problems out… or more specifically fucked them out. I'll see you later, Buck. You two have a nice day.” Steve grabbed his pancakes and practically ran out the door.

“Did he say fuck?” Tony asked.

“He definitely did.” Bucky shook his head. “Kids and their language.” Tony smiled and leaned in to kiss James and tried smoothing down his hair with his hands.

“I made breakfast.” Tony said proudly.

“I can see that. It smells really good kitty.”

“It tastes even better.”

James went over by the plate of pancakes and grabbed one, giving it a bite. He chewed slowly, nodding his head and smiled. “They really taste amazing. Did you lie to me when you told me you don't know how to cook?”

“No I didn't. I just followed the recipe.” Tony said.

“You should feel proud of yourself kitten.” James smiled and kissed Tony on the forehead.

They ate breakfast in a comfortable silence and then James left, promising they would see each other again. Tony sure hoped so.


	4. Nightmares come back to haunt you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter, I talk about Bucky's life in Wakanda and his kids, because my headcanon is that he adored them. I also introduce the reader to his nightmares and his anxiety attacks and how his metal arm is a reminder of his trauma.  
> Warnings for thiis chapter: Poor anger management and mention of domestic violence.

Shuri insisted that Bucky's arm needed some updates and she pretty much threatened to drag him to Wakanda. He didn't feel like finding out if she was actually going to do it, so he packed his bags and left.

He had to admit that it was nice to be back. In the time he spent there, he made a lot of friends and he adored the kids. It was refreshing. Those kids lived in a country where technology was much more advanced than in the rest of the world, and yet they didn't spend all day playing Fortnite and texting.

He recalled the time when he was recovering. The kids would go to his tent and ask him to come out and play. At the beginning he didn’t want to because he was afraid he would hurt them. And besides, he really wasn't good with kids. He never knew how to treat them, but after a few weeks of getting to know them better, he would join them to play football or let the girls practice their colorful braids on his hair. Having the girls around was of big help since he couldn’t fix his hair with only one hand. Some days, the girls let his hair down and just brushed it, and other days they would put his locks in a messy bun or a half ponytail.

When the jet landed, his kids were waiting for him. T’Cahlla tried to stop them from running up to him, but the munchkins had a mind of their own. He ended up surrounded by kids, all of them trying to get his attention. He hugged them all one by one and handed each one a bag of candy. He noticed that Imani wasn’t there and he got worried.

“Have you seen Imani?” He asked Jojo, her older sister.

“She’s home because she broke her leg and she can’t move.”

“Oh dear. Do you think your mom would mind if I go visit her?”

“Not at all. Come with me.” She took his metal hand and led him to her house. “Wait here.” She said and disappeared inside. Bucky wondered what could have happened for Imani to break her leg. She wasn’t a clumsy kid. Jojo came back and took Bucky’s hand again. “Mom says you can come in.”

When Imani saw him, her eyes lit up. She had gotten attached to Bucky really quickly because when she was a baby, she got an infection that cost her her left hand and she saw in Bucky a person that could relate to her.

"Hello mister. We both don't have our left hand, can we be twins?" She had said when she first met him. It broke Bucky's heart that something so bad had happened to her at such a young age. But she seemed happy and she carried a normal life despite the lack of her hand. Sam told him that for her it wasn't a big deal because she couldn't miss something she didn't remember having, and that the concept of normal was subjective and different for each person.

"How are you, twinsie?" Bucky asked and lifted Imani.

"I'm okay, but my leg hurts." She said and pouted.

"Aw baby, I know it hurts. I've broken a few bones myself. Here, maybe this will make you feel better." He put her down, pulled out the last bag of candy and gave it to her.

"Candy!" She cheered and opened the bag with her teeth. She took a strawberry gummy and ate it. "Do you want a candy?" She offered him the bag.

"No, sweetheart. But thanks." He smiled and ruffled her hair. She slapped his hand and pouted again.

A bunch of Imani's friends ran inside her house to ask her to come out and play tag. She explained that she couldn't because her leg hurt and couldn't move it. The truth was, despite Wakanda's advanced medicine, her family was more traditional and they refused fancy medical treatment.

"I have an idea. I'll be your legs. I'll carry you piggyback so you can play with your friends. What do you think."

"Yes!" She made a grabby hand and Bucky lifted her up, maneuvering her on his back.

He was running around with the kids and having fun with them when Okoye appeared in front of him. He stopped dead in his tracks. She looked like she wanted to murder him.

"Where is your phone?" She asked.

"I turned it off because I didn't want to be bothered. Why? Did something bad happen?"

"The only bad thing that happened is that I had to look for you all around the villages. Shuri requires you in her lab." She said and shook her head.

"Uh… okay, let me just return the kid to her house and I'll be right back."

Bucky took Imani to her home and placed her on her bed. "I'm sorry twinsie. I promise I'll come back later and play with you, okay?" He said and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Okay twinsie." She smiled and took the bag of candies she had left on the bed.

When Bucky returned to Okoye, she gave him a hug.

"I missed you Bucky." She said.

Bucky returned the hug and smiled. "I missed you too. How are you doing?"

"Well, I'm doing good, as always. I have nothing to complain about. How about you?"

"I'm still struggling to fully recover. I'm going to therapy and finding different coping mechanisms. The auto shop is one of them." He said and smiled.

"I almost forgot about that. Is business good?" She asked.

"Yes. I'm gaining more clients because apparently I'm the first honest mechanic in Brooklyn. And also because I do well my job. It has it's good days and it's bad ones, like every other business, but so far it's doing good. I don't know how I'll ever repay T'Challa and Shuri. First, they help me out with my brainwashing, and then they invest in me so I can open my own business. They are great people."

"They are very generous and they like helping out their friends. Besides, you are already part of the family, so even more reason to help you." She said and smiled. "I have to go attend to some other obligations I have, but I hope to see you soon."

"I think I'm going to be here for a week or so, so we'll have plenty of time to hang out."

"Great. I'll see you around, then. Bye." She waved her hand and left.

He looked at the lab entrance and sighed.Bucky was scared to even ask what updates Shuri had in mind, and he was even more scared when he walked in and saw Doctor Helen Cho standing next to her.

“Bucky! It is so nice to see you again!” Shuri said and hugged Bucky. Damn child was strong.

“It's nice seeing you as well, princess.” Bucky returned the hug.

“This is Dr Cho.She is a worldwide known Geneticist” Shuri introduced her to Bucky.

“I've heard about your work Dr. I mean I've seen it with my own eyes. You managed to keep the purple idiot in one piece and give Vis a body, which is pretty impressive. I am truly honoured to be in your presence.” Bucky said and extended his hand. Dr Cho shook it with a smile.

“I'm humbled, Sergeant Barnes.”

“So what is she doing here?” Bucky asked.

“Well, I thought you would like the idea of getting your arm covered in skin.” Shuri said.

“Wha… you want to… cover my arm with skin?” Bucky pointed at his metal arm and Shuri nodded.

“It will feel like a real arm. The skin will have nerve receptors and blood vessels, which will entirely return the sensitivity to your left arm. You won't only feel pressure, you will also feel textures, pain, even tickles.” Dr Cho added.

“But why?” Bucky was still processing the information.

“We are going to be completely honest with you Bucky. Helen and I have decided to team up and create prosthetics that are totally functional instead of the typical plastic legs or arms that people use nowadays. It is mainly aimed at veterans so they can start over and have normal lives instead of being out on the streets, and to achieve that, we need a test subject. You already have the arm created by me, and we want to see if it's compatible with Helen's skin grafts, so we would cover your arm in skin and keep you under observation for a few days to see how you function. That is if you are on board, of course.”

Bucky blinked a few times. Was he in the mood of being a guinea pig? Not really. But he had to be honest, he missed having his left arm. He missed feeling textures, pain, hot, cold. He missed going to the beach and not having to worry about sand getting in between the plates, or hugging Nat and Sharon without the fear of pulling their hair.

He thought about the night he spent with Tony. He obviously knew what Tony felt like thanks to his right arm, but there were moments that it felt impersonal. One moment he was caressing his skin, feeling the warmth and the sweat, and the next one he didn't feel anything. Just pressure.

He wanted to be able to completely feel again, and most importantly, he wanted the scar gone. He went over the pros and cons in his head and then looked at the women in front of him.

“ I trust you ladies. I’m in.”

The sound Shuri made was deafening. She clapped her hands and hugged Bucky again, squeezing the life out of him. “Thank you so much!”

"If this turns out okay, you are the one I'd have to be thanking yet again."

Shuri shrugged. "Anything for a brother." she answered.

They started working on his arm the next day. He didn't really understand what they were doing or how it was going to work. He spent the entire night thinking about how they would achieve the desired result. Then he had a little anxiety attack thinking about how the skin might get caught in between the plates and tear. There were a million thoughts in his head and as they worked on his arm he was more and more convinced that it wouldn't work.

They cleaned his scar first, making the tissue there healthy enough to connect with the fake skin, and then they placed his arm under a machine that Shuri described as a body parts printer.

Dr Cho spent the entire time explaining to him what they were doing and his concern about the plates faded when she said that one of the first steps was creating a fake cartilage to go between them and a fascia to cover his arm and protect the skin from the metal.

The process was slow, but when Bucky looked at his arm, it was worth it.

“So, do you like it?” Shuri asked.

“I do. It's… it's weird.” Bucky touched the new arm with his right hand and gasped. He could feel the touch.

“Does it hurt?” Dr Cho asked.

“Not at all. It feels nice.” Bucky smiled and ran his hand up and down his arm. He was used to the metal one, but he wasn't happy with it. It reminded him of a traumatic experience, a period of his life that he wished never existed, and maybe the skin would help conceal some of those experiences. He wasn't going to get excited too soon though. Anything could go wrong.

He was in observation the entire week. Dr Cho and Shuri would test the arm and see how it reacted to different stimulations and as much as Dr Cho assured him that his body wouldn't reject the skin, he was still waiting for the worst to happen, because he never really got what he wanted. But then again, Vision's body was entirely made from this artificial skin and Clint also got patched up with it and they were both okay.

To reassure Bucky, Shuri let him stay another week under observation even though he was clear to go. He took that extra week as a vacation and enjoyed some of the activities he used to do back when he was recovering, like feeding the animals or fishing. He had turned off his phone the second he arrived at Wakanda in order to not get bothered when he was there. If someone needed him, they knew how to contact T'Challa.

On his last night in Wakanda, Okoye taught him some typical African recipes and they all ate dinner together. T'Challa was telling stories about how Shuri once blew up a lab when she was little and in return she mocked him about how he always freezes when he sees his crush. At first, Bucky wasn't really close to T'Challa or his friends, but after a few months, Shuri decided to adopt him as her broken white brother and now they were like family, and that always made it harder to leave. After dinner, he went to the village he used to live in and said goodbye to his kids.

Imani hugged him and started crying.

"Hey, what's wrong baby?" Bucky asked and petted her hair.

"I don't want you to go! Can't you stay forever?" She asked.

Bucky got on his knees to be at eye level with her and wiped her tears.

"Sadly I can't, honey. I have to go back to Brooklyn to attend my business and be with my friends, but tell you what, I promise that I will let you come to Brooklyn to visit me." He said with a smile.

"For a whole entire week?" She asked, her eyes wide.

"For a whole entire week. Cross my heart."

"And hope to die." She said and hugged him. "I love you Bucky!"

"I love you too Imani." He placed a kiss on her head. "Now go to sleep. It's past your bedtime."

Imani rolled her eyes. "Sure dad. Whatever you say."

Bucky chuckled and went back to his tent. He thought about himself when he was young. He was a Casanova and liked jumping from bed to bed, but he knew that one day he wanted to find the right girl, marry her and have two boys and two girls. He didn't know if he was capable of that now though. He sure loved those kids and adored when Imani or Jojo referred to him as dad, but he wasn't sure if he could take care of another human being when he was trying to heal himself. The last thing he wanted was to wake up screaming in the middle of the night and freak out his offsprings.

Bucky didn't bother turning on his phone when he left Wakanda. Instead, he just sat back and enjoyed the flight. When he got home, Steve, Nat, Sam, Clint and Sharon were all in the living room eating pizza and watching Friends.

“Hey Buck! Want a slice of pizza?” Sharon asked.

“Nah, I'm not really hungry. But thanks, Ronnie.” Bucky smiled and took off his Jacket. He wondered how long it would take them to notice his new arm.

Apparently, a pretty long time. Either they were playing dumb, or Bucky was just fucking invisible. He stretched and wrapped his left arm around Steve's shoulder. Steve absentmindedly interlaced his fingers with Bucky's and started running his thumb up and down the side of Bucky's hand. Then he stopped and slowly turned his head to the left. And he gasped.

“Bucky your arm! It's not metal anymore!” Steve yelled and caught everyone's attention.

“Oh no, it’s still metal, but Shuri and Dr Cho used me as a lab rat because they wanted to start making prosthetics for veterans and they wanted to see if the metal would reject the skin implant and if they could return the sensibility to the missing limb.” he explained.

“And how do you feel, Mr Lab Rat?” Sam asked.

“It feels surreal. For seventy years all I've felt was pressure and suddenly now I feel everything, I feel the cold, the pain, the textures. It’s overwhelming and I’m grateful for this opportunity.”

“I'm happy for you _mili_ , you deserve it.” Nat smiled and extended her hand.

“Thanks, _moya lyubov_.” Bucky smiled and took her hand in his.

“Does this mean we are skin bros?” Clint asked through a mouthful of pizza. Bucky rolled his eyes and stole the last piece. “Aw Bucky no! That was the last piece!”

“Sorry bro.” Bucky winked.

They all hung out together and talked about things that had happened to them in the last two weeks while Bucky was away. At one point Sam tried to make fun of Bucky's new and colorful braids and Bucky accused him of toxic masculinity, which led to a debate about how feminism and sexism have changed over the years.

After everyone had left, Bucky prepared himself a bubble bath. He got in the bathtub and turned on his phone to play some relaxing tracks. His phone almost blew up with notifications. Tony had been texting him every single day telling him about his day and his current activity.

 **Aug.26**  
_Tony: I heard you were in Wakanda. Today I had an awful day and I wish you were here to make me some company. I'm currently watching Supernatural._

 **Aug.27**  
_Tony: Today I walked by a pet shop and a parrot insulted me. I have haters in the animal kingdom._

**Aug.28**   
_Tony: Pepper yelled at me and told me I have the sense of self preservation of a squirrel on crack. I guess she is right lol._

**Aug.29**  
_Tony: I hired a group of Mariachis to follow Steve around playing La Cucaracha._  
**Video attached**

 **Aug.30**  
_Tony: Be proud of me. I just made myself a tortilla de patatas and didn't burn the house down_.

 **Aug.31**  
_Tony: I had a nightmare about New York._

 **Sep.1**  
_Tony: Steve spent all day trying to scare me as revenge for the Mariachis. A+ for effort._

 **Sep.2**  
_Tony: I spent the night at your house (slept on your bed, sorry) and Steve placed plastic cups full of water all over your room so I couldn't get out of bed. Joke's on him, he is the one who had to clean up the water._

 **Sep.3**  
_Tony: I bought Steve a fondue set._

**Sep.4**   
_Tony: Today I saw Natasha dancing Ballet. It was beautiful!_

**Sep.5**  
_Tony: Dum-E set the kitchen on fire making a smoothie. I'm donating him to a community college._

 **Sep.6**  
_Tony: I had a long ass meeting with some investors. Hitting the spa now._

 **Sep.7**  
_Tony: I have nothing interesting to say today. How was your day?_

 **Sep.7**  
_Update: I went out with Steve and he slipped and fell into a fountain_.  
**Photo attached**

 **Sep.8**  
_Tony: I miss you._

Bucky smiled at the texts. How did they dare start a prank war without him? Bucky opened his frontal camera, took a selfie and sent it to Tony.

_Bucky: Having a bath. I missed you too kitty._

Bucky played “Easy” by Son Lux and closed his eyes, relaxing. His phone buzzed.

_Tony: Wish I was in there with you. Need a back rub._

Bucky smirked.

_Bucky: Come over. I just got in._

_Tony: I might get in a suit and fly my ass over there._

_Bucky: is that a threat or a promise?_

_Tony: Both. Be there in like 10 minutes._

Bucky smiled and shook his head. He couldn't be serious. He left his phone on the sink and closed his eyes again. “Brooklyn Baby” by Lana Del Rey started playing. That song always relaxed him. Lana del Rey had a unique vintage style and that's what got him into listening to her music.

His phone buzzed again.

_Tony: Almost there . Open a window or smth._

Bucky gaped. He was serious. He got up, opened the drain to empty the tub and filled it again with hot water. He threw in a bath bomb and walked to the living room to open a window. He didn't bother to put on a towel. There was nothing Tony hadn't seen of Bucky… except his new arm.

Bucky saw Tony arriving and moved from the window. He wasn't lying when he said he was gonna come flying. Tony landed inside the living room, tapped at his arc reactor and the suit retracted.

“Hey kitty” Bucky said with a smile.

“Hey.” Tony walked towards Bucky and gave him a hug.

“I just filled the tub again. Wanna join?”

“Hell yes. But first… what happened to your arm?” Tony asked, pointing at his left arm.

“It’s a long story. I'll tell you in the tub.” Tony nodded and followed Bucky to the bathroom. He took off his clothes and sat in the bath between Bucky's legs.Tony pressed his back against Bucky's chest and placed his head on his shoulder. Bucky told him everything while Tony was playing with Bucky’s fingers and caressing his new skin.

“It's going to be weird not seeing your metal arm.”

“I'm happy I won't get to see it in a while. It was the thing that dehumanized me.” Bucky answered.

“It was unique though.” Tony left a kiss on the back of Bucky's left hand.

“And attached to too much trauma. You pretty much did me a favour when you blasted it off.” Bucky said jokingly.

“I wouldn't have done it if you weren't trying to kill me.” Tony said dryly.

“In my defence, you started it. Is it just me or am I sensing tension?” Bucky asked.

“I- yeah I had a bad day. I didn't mean to take it out on you. Sorry sugar.” Tony said.

Bucky started massaging Tony's shoulders. “Wanna talk about it?” Bucky asked.

“There is some tension between Pepper and me. I don't know what to do man. I try to be nice and gift her things and she just seems to get more upset.” Tony said, relaxing a little bit.

“Have you considered that maybe the best way to get her to be friendly with you again is to have a sincere conversation with her, a proper apology and give her some space?” Bucky asked. “I know that is something I would like.” He said and kissed Tony's temple.

“I never really thought about that. I'll try it your way.” He said and smiled up at Bucky. He grabbed one of Bucky's braids and twirled it around his finger. “I like this look on you.”

Bucky laughed and started talking about Wakanda and “his” kids.

"You know, when I was in Wakanda, there was this little girl that approached me and stared at my stump. She decided that we were twins because she lost her left hand." Bucky said tenderly. He adored Imani.

"Poor thing. How old is she?" Tony asked.

"She is six now. God, kids grow up so fast." Bucky said and thought about Issa. He was just a baby when he first arrived at Wakanda and now he is a little human that runs around and says words.

"Back in 2013, I was under attack and I ended up in Tennessee. My suit didn't work so I had to repair it. I broke into a garage and started working on my suit when I was attacked by a ten year old. He was of a lot of help though, and we are still in contact. His father ditched him and he lives with his mother and sister, and I try to help out by extending money and paying for what he needs."

"Wow. And I thought I was being cool by giving my kids a bag of American candy." Bucky chuckled.

"Do your kids get happy when you bring them candy?" Tony asked.

"They do."

"Well you are doing great then. I help Harley out because I know what it is growing up with an absent father. The only difference is that I had money and he doesn't."

"You are an amazing man, Tony. And I will physically fight anyone who says different."

Tony chuckled and got up. His ass was red from sitting on the hard surface and Bucky giggled. "Mind if I go sit somewhere softer? I can't feel my ass."

Bucky got up as well. "That's what she said."

Tony burst out laughing. "Those jokes should be forbidden by law." He put on his underwear. Bucky loved the way his boxers clung to his ass. Tony seriously had an amazing ass, even in his Iron Man suit. He had to fight the urge to smack it. Tony and him had slept together once, and since then, neither of them had made advances on the other one. Bucky wanted to fuck Tony again, but he also liked the friendship they had developed. It was an easy relationship. Whenever Bucky needed to talk to someone, Tony was there and vice versa. Sometimes they cuddled together watching TV and they liked kissing each other (never on the mouth though). Steve once said that for the two months they had been hanging out together, they sure acted like a couple.

"How tired are you?" Bucky asked "Because I am still used to Wakanda's time and I'm not sleepy at all."

"I took a long nap and I had a coffee before I got here so I'm good."

"Ice cream and Supernatural, then?" Bucky suggested.

"Hell yeah!"

Tony fell asleep halfway through the season five finale. Bucky paused the show, took Tony in his arms and got him into his bed. He went back to the living room to turn off the TV and put the ice cream back in the freezer, and joined Tony.

The next morning, Bucky woke up to an empty bed and a note.

_"Had an emergency to attend, sorry. Have a nice day. Xoxo- your kitten."_

Bucky smiled and took his phone. He sent a text to Tony wishing him a good day and then texted Sharon to ask if she wanted to go to the beach.

_Ronnie: I think we share a brain because I was going to ask you the same. I'll be in your house in an hour. Get ready princess._

Bucky smiled and got up. Sharon became a very important person in Bucky's life after the Avengers broke up. She would call Bucky every week and ask him how he was doing, if he needed any help, if he wanted her to send him anything. Eventually, she started visiting him and spending time with him and they became really close. He didn't know why Sharon was suddenly being so nice to him, but he was grateful for her.

They spent the day at the beach and Sharon insisted that they have lunch in a Spanish restaurant because “Bucky, why not? Spanish food is awesome, like even better than sex, and Spanish food after a day at the beach is an experience blah blah blah”. Sharon really had a way with words. He was sure that if she wanted to, she could talk him into cutting off his right arm with a rusty butter knife.

After the beach, they dropped by the shop to see how Luis was doing.

"Luis? Where are you?"

"In the office Mr Boss Man." Luis answered.

Bucky went into the office and saw Luis squinting at the computer.

"What are you doing?"

"I am ordering a few pieces for a bike I am working on and more oil and tail lights bulbs before we run out of them. Business has been good." He said and handed Bucky the appointments book and the cash registers.

Bucky went through the data and he was impressed. It wasn't the first time he had left Luis alone in the shop, but it was usually for a day or two at a time. It was a relief that he kept the business running so well. He made a mental note to give Luis some extra money for the good job.

"By the way, boss, you have a lot of work ahead. A woman came by this morning and left a car. She said she wanted to change the engine parts and a paint job." He got up and led Bucky to the garage where they kept the cars that were pending of repairing.

Bucky almost choked when he saw the car in question. It was a 67 Chevy Impala. He put on some gloves and opened the hood of the car. The engine was missing and the parts that were there were rusted, as well as the outside of the car. On the inside, the seats had holes in them and the stuffing was coming out. There was no radio either.

"Repairing this car is going to cost a lot of money. Did the woman give you a budget?"

"No. She said she had a lot of money and that she didn't care how much it cost. The only thing she said is that she wants the car to be black and that the initials TS, PP and JR had to be carved in the rear package tray. That's weird."

Bucky smiled. "It's not weird. She is probably a Supernatural fan and wants the initials of her family members as a nod to Sam and Dean."

It's ironic how he watched Swan Song the previous night and now he had a Chevy in his garage waiting to be brought back to life. "Call Scott and tell him to come to my place if he wants. I'm going to make fajitas and you are both invited."

"Thanks, boss, but we already had plans for tonight. Maybe another time?"

"Sure."

Bucky went home and started making dinner. He texted Tony to see if he was free to talk, and when Tony answered yes, Bucky face timed him.

"Hello sugar. What are you up to?" He asked as soon as he answered.

"I'm making fajitas for dinner. How about you?" He asked and stirred the veggies.

"I was about to cook something for dinner."

Bucky raised his eyebrows. "Did the restaurants suddenly ban takeout without me being aware of that?" He mocked Tony.

"Do you think you're funny?" Tony asked.

"I think I'm adorable" Bucky answered and both Tony and him started laughing. "So what are you planning on cooking, moon of my life?" Bucky asked.

"Well I wanted to make some Mac and Cheese, but now I crave Fajitas because of you." He answered.

"You know my door is always opened and there will always be an extra plate for you on the table." Bucky said.

"I know." Tony smiled.

"Besides, Steve isn't going to be home until Tuesday and I wouldn't mind the company. I haven't seen you in two week and I've missed you."

"I've missed you too. Okay, you convinced me. I'm going to your house. Can I sleep there?" Tony asked.

"Obviously. By the way, bring some clothes that you don't mind getting dirty. I need your help with something in the shop." Bucky said.

"Noted. See you in an hour tops. Bye."

"Bye." Bucky said and hung up.

Forty minutes later, Tony was in Bucky's house, a backpack hung on his shoulder. Tony placed his bag on the couch and washed his hands so he could help Bucky roll the fajitas. They had dinner together and went to bed early. Tony fell asleep before him. They were both laying on their sides, facing each other. Bucky was holding Tony to his chest and petting the younger man's hair.

They weren't joined at the hip. There were days where they couldn't see each other and they would simply tex. Bucky enjoyed Tony's company, but he was starting to realize that spending so much time with Tony and being so close was hurting him. He knew he was falling for Tony and he wanted more than what they had, but he didn't think Tony would be on the same page. He thought that it would be for the best if they stopped seeing each other at all. But it wasn't possible, especially when he saw the smile on Tony's face whenever they were together.

Bucky closed his eyes and struggled to fall asleep.

_He was his mission. No matter what happened, The Soldier had to finish it and in case there were witnesses, he had to take them out as well._

_He spent days watching his target from a distance, studying his moves. On December sixteenth, his target was on the move. The Soldier followed him to his lab, where the target took out a case._

_The Soldier followed him and pushed the car, causing it to crash. He opened the trunk and looked inside the case. His target was still alive._

_"Don't leave any witnesses."_

_He approached the target. He was begging him to spare his wife's life. He pulled at the target's hair, forcing him to look at him._

_"Sergeant Barnes?" His target asked. That name didn't mean anything to him. He punched his target in the face and moved on to his companion. She was weak, she barely moved. He choked her and moved on to shoot the security camera. Not realizing it was there was a sloppy work. He would be punished for that._

_He heard a weak cough from behind him. He turned around and there was a third man. The target's son. He strode towards him._

_"Please don't kill me. I'm too young to die. I'll pretend I never saw anything, just let me live"_

_The Soldier didn't bother listening to more of what that man had to say. He grabbed him by the throat and cracked his neck. He took the suitcase back to the base._

_Mission complete._

Bucky woke up screaming and crying. His entire body was shaking and he was gasping for air. He heard someone talking to him and touching him. When Bucky turned around, he went pale. Tony was the spitting image of Howard.

"Get away from me, Tony, please."

"James, I want to help you." Tony said and tried touching him again. Bucky moved.

"Please, just… go to the kitchen or something. I need space." He got up and went to the bathroom. He washed his face and looked at the mirror. The man he hated so much was staring back at him, so he punched the mirror, breaking it into little pieces. It was the third mirror Bucky had broken in the last six months. Sam had a talk with him about anger management, but at times like these, Bucky lost it. Every time he dreamed about the Stark's murder, there was a different ending. Sometimes, Tony was there watching. Other times, he killed them more violently. He knew for a fact that Howard died immediately of a brain hemorrhage and Maria of asphyxiation and that they were alone, but his brain liked playing games with him.

There was a knock on the door and Tony's voice came in muffled. "James, is everything okay?" Tony sounded genuinely worried.

Bucky sat on the floor, his back pressed to the door. "No."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't talk about this, not with you."

Tony went silent and he heard some shuffling behind the door. Tony's voice sounded closer when he spoke again. He was probably sitting on the floor as well.

"Is it about my parents?" He asked.

Bucky sighed. "Yes."

"Okay… mmm… does it make you feel better that I dream of that night too?"

"God Tony no. It actually makes it a lot worse."

"Okay, sorry. I'm just trying to help you but this isn't my area of expertise. I'm more into sarcastic comments and pretending I'm fine." He said.

"It's not your job to make me feel better. In fact, you are the last person on this planet who should be trying to make me feel better. I go around pretending that everything is okay and play house with you, and that is wrong and twisted on so many levels."

It was Tony's turn to sigh. "After we slept together, I told Rhodey. He looked at me like if I were crazy and he tried to make me doubt you and the relationship between us. He is still kinda judgy. But do you know what? I like this. I like spending time with you because out of all of the people in my life, you are the only one who seems to truly understand me. You encourage me, you listen to my problems and give me good advice, you wake up new interests in me and most importantly, you try to protect me and keep me safe. What Hydra made you do hurt us both, and you are allowed to grieve and be sad and feel bad. So don't hold back on me, James. Let me in. I want to make you feel good."

Bucky let out a sob and wiped away his tears, leaving a blood stain under his right eye from the glass cut. He reached for a towel and wrapped it around his fist. Then, he got up and opened the door carefully so Tony didn't fall backwards. Tony got up and looked at him. He was also crying. He looked at Bucky's bloody hand and then at the bathroom floor. "Dear Lord, James. What did you do?"

"I- poor anger management." He responded.

"Go to the kitchen and wash your hand. I'll clean the glass and grab the first aid kit."

"It's nothing. I've had worse injuries."

"Did you hear what I said? Get your ass to the kitchen and wash your hand." Tony said. For a second, it reminded him of his father whenever Bucky refused to do something, and he knew it was a battle he would lose, so he walked towards the kitchen and did as Tony had told him.

Bucky sat on the couch and buried his face between his hands. He felt the couch cushion next to him dip and Tony wrapping his fingers around Bucky's wrist.

"Let me see the cut."

Bucky let Tony examine his hand and winced when he pulled out a glass. It was a small piece and he hadn't realized it was there.

"What did you dream about?" Tony asked while cleaning up his wound.

"About the night I killed them." He didn't dare look up. "It's always the same nightmare, but different endings. I know perfectly well what happened, but my brain plays tricks on me and makes up different scenarios."

Tony nodded and bandaged his hand. "What are the different endings?" He asked.

"I really don't feel like talking." Bucky got up and went to the kitchen to make himself a tea.

"Talking is good for your mental health."

"And what about yours? Tony, this might be hard on me, but it's even harder on you. They were your parents so I hope you understand why I don't want to get into detail about my nightmares with you of all people."

"Do you know what I think about all this? That it's going to be the elephant in the room and it will eventually end up pushing us apart. I don't want to lose our friendship." Tony said and approached Bucky. He took his hand and squeezed it.

"It's difficult. I also love our friendship but I'm always afraid that it's temporary and the other shoe will drop."

"Well let's work on it, James. Let's try to be open with each other. I separated hydra from you a long time ago. I hope you know that."

"I didn't. But thank you." Bucky gave him a weak smile.

"Look, I won't push. I'll make you breakfast. You try to calm down, okay? And maybe we can do something to distract you for a while until you're ready to talk to me. Do we have a deal?" Tony asked.

"Only if you promise me that if you ever have a nightmare about that night, you'll tell me."

"Okay then. We have a deal." Tony smiled and placed a kiss on his forehead.

Bucky sat down and watched Tony make breakfast. In the months they've been friends, Tony had gotten to know him very well. So well, that he had bought oat milk for when Bucky was at his house. He knew when Bucky needed a back rub or a foot massage, and he was familiar with Bucky's taste in food. That's why he wasn't surprised when Tony added Chinese mushrooms to his omelette.

Bucky barely ate two bites. The omelette was exquisite, but his stomach disagreed with any type of food that morning. He pushed the plate and placed his elbows on the counter, burying his face in his hands for the millionth time that morning.

Tony didn't say anything. He just ate his omelette in silence and when he finished, he put Bucky's in the fridge and washed the dishes from the previous night and that morning. He wiped the counters and swept the floor as well.

"Is there anything you want to do?" Tony asked.

"I have to go to work." Bucky answered.

"I'll go with you."

Bucky didn't protest. When Tony decided something, there was usually no talking him out of it. He went to his room and changed into his work clothes.

They left the house and made their way to the auto shop.

"This is the first time I'll see your shop." Tony said.

"I know. It's not that big of a deal."

Tony sighed and took Bucky's hand in his. "It is a big deal, J. It's something that makes you happy and I get to see it for the first time."

"There is something in there that will make you happy as well, you know?"

"And why would it make me happy?" Tony asked, curious.

"You'll have to wait and see."

The screech Tony made was inhuman. Bucky wondered if it was because he had an Impala in his garage, or because of the state of the poor Impala.

"A woman left it here to be fully repaired and painted, and I thought it would be nice to have you help me with this baby."

"You have a huge auto shop and a classic in the garage and you want me to help you work on it? You make me so happy." Tony approached the car and carefully inspected it.

Tony and him had talked a few times about the things that made him happy, and he had told him that a lot of times people overdid it, worrying that because he had billions in his bank account, he needed a lot to be happy. He had laughed and said that sometimes a cozy pair of cheap socks made him happier than thousand dollars Gucci ones. Bucky understood very well what Tony had meant. People treated him in a certain way because of his wealth and forgot that he is also a human being.

"God Baby, what have they done to you?" Tony asked.

"That's why we have to pimp her " Bucky approached the car and started taking notes on what parts he needed to order. He left Tony alone with the Chevy and went to his office to place those orders. Since it was a very old car, some pieces would take longer to arrive, but the woman had told Luis that they had until Christmas, which gave Bucky enough time to finish it.

The man Bucky had gotten a car for back in July walked into his office and he froze for a moment. Did the car break? But he was smiling, and people didn't usually smile when their ride gave up on them.

"Hey, Markus, what's up?" He asked.

"I just came by to get the oil changed."

"Oh, good. So she's working properly?" Bucky got up and walked outside to the working area.

"Yes she is! I've never been happier with a car. Thank you for not scamming me." He said.

Bucky grabbed the oil and the necessary tools and opened the hood. "No need to thank me. I'm not money hungry, I'm more concerned about the safety of my clients." He said and got to work.

After changing the oil, he walked Markus to the register. He paid and turned around to walk away, but then he stopped and leaned on the counter. "I got a promotion recently."

Bucky smiled "That's great, Markus."

"Yeah and uh… I was wondering if you'd be interested in going out with me to celebrate."

Bucky's eyes went wide. "Are you… asking me out or am I reading too deep into this?" He asked.

"I'm asking you out."

Markus was a handsome man. He had plump lips, a big, straight nose, almond shaped green eyes, black curly hair and olive skin. He also had a beautiful body. He was tall and muscular, and the suit he was wearing hugged every curve of his perfectly. He wondered if he was greek, because Bucky did have a thing for greek guys. And he also needed to get laid so badly…

"Hm… I don't usually go out with clients." Bucky finally answered. God, he looked like a creep checking him out. But the man was attractive, so sue him.

"Afraid to make things awkward if we sleep together?" He asked.

"Pretty much. And it's unprofessional."

"I won't push. If you change your mind, you have my number." He took Bucky's hand and kissed the back of it, then winked and left.

"Holy shit." Bucky whispered. He looked at the garage door and saw Tony glaring. "What?" Bucky asked.

"I don't like that guy." He turned around and went back inside.

Bucky frowned and followed him. "He seems pretty nice to me."

Tony took a buffer and started getting rid of some of the rust stains. "That's because he wants to take you to bed. He wants you for your body."

"Tony, you also gave me that impression when you said, and I quote, 'I stare when I see something I want' and 'please fill me up with your glorious cock' and yet here you are two months later, always by my side." Bucky said.

Tony blushed furiously when Bucky repeated what Tony had said during sex. "Yeah well you know what? If you want to sleep with him, go ahead. I don't care." Bucky's eyebrows shot up.

"Tony Stark, are you jealous?" Bucky asked amused.

"Pfff. Nonsense. We are not together, so you can do whatever you want." He put down the buffer and walked towards Bucky. "In fact, call him right now, _Bucky_ , and give him a night he won't forget." He whispered that last part.

Bucky looked down at Tony and smiled. "Apparently you haven't forgotten about that night either." He said in a whisper, rubbing his nose against Tony's.

Tony was breathing heavily and looking straight into Bucky's eyes. "No." He whispered and made a move to close the distance between them when they heard Luis coming in.

"Hey, Mr Boss Man, I came to finish fixing the bike."

Bucky placed his forehead against Tony's and whispered a soft fuck. "Yeah, sure Luis. Take your time."

Bucky and Tony worked on the Impala for a while, taking out the rusty parts and car seats and prepping her for the repair. They barely spoke. Bucky was taken aback when he saw Tony getting jealous. There was tension between them. On one hand, Bucky's nightmare was still the elephant in the room, and on the other hand, there was unresolved sexual tension. He really wanted to resolve that tension. He wanted to bend Tony on the Impala and drill into him until the younger man couldn't form any words. But he also knew that he had to talk about his nightmare. He called subway and ordered a couple of sandwiches and told Tony that it was time for a lunch break.

They sat down on the floor and Bucky sighed. "You were there."

"What?" Tony was confused.

"My nightmare. You were there. You were begging me to let you live, but my mission was to get rid of witnesses so I just…." He took a deep breath. " I just grabbed your throat and cracked your neck."

Tony's eyes were wide and his mouth was gaping. He looked terrified. He chewed on his lip for a while and then placed a hand on Bucky's knee. "I understand. It's a fear you have."

"If your mother hadn't been with Howard, she would be alive right now. The only reason she is dead right now is because I was told not to leave witnesses. Had you been there, nothing would've stopped me from killing you as well."

Tony nodded. "My mother wasn't supposed to be in that car. In fact, she wasn't supposed to be in Howard's life at all. When I was a baby, my father would mistreat my mother. When I was a young child, my mother always had to get between Howard and me because Howard couldn't stand me and he'd always try to beat me. It was her who ended up receiving the blows. She stayed because of me. Because the night she finally had the courage to leave, I went to the car and stopped her."

"You blame yourself?" Bucky asked.

"Every day."

"Tony, she couldn't leave her child behind. Imagine what would have happened to you if your mother had left you with your father."

"I know perfectly well what would have happened."

"I'm having a hard time linking the Howard you're talking about to the Howard I knew." Bucky said. Howard was so sweet, and funny and ambitious. What happened to him?

"That's why I told you the first time we spoke that we knew two different versions of him. James, there's nothing I can do or say to make you stop having those nightmares. I guess it's you who has to forgive yourself. You are having them because you feel guilty, and you are punishing yourself. If you didn't feel remorse, you wouldn't be having them. I forgive you. It's time for you to do the same." He said and caressed Bucky's cheek.

"I'll try."

Tony gave him a kiss on the cheek and got up to pay for the sandwiches. They ate and continued working on the car.


	5. Finding the courage

The first thing that came was the upholstery. Tony was starting to be more conscious about animal cruelty so he had James order faux leather, which was why it took longer to arrive.  
Tony busied himself replacing the padding of the seats and James covered them in the faux leather. He did an impressive job. He had heard from a few clients that James did magic when it came to cars, and Tony was witnessing it with his own eyes. Fixing engines was Tony’s strong point, but perfecting the details was James’.

He looked at the older man. After the nightmare, James had asked Tony to give him some space. They still hung out together, but James acted differently, like he was absent. He barely touched him anymore and the one night Tony had stayed at his house, he refused to sleep in the same bed with him, which was a total boomer because he loved cuddling with James. His body was so hot that it felt like his personal bed heater. He understood where he was coming from, though. He was pretty shaken up when he woke up that day and he could've hurt Tony.

Tony also had some bad dreams of his own. He either dreamed about New York or about the assassination. The worst part was that he only started having those nightmares when James put some distance between them. He made Tony feel safe, but he didn’t want to burden him with his nightmares when James was going through something pretty similar.

Tony woke up feeling tired. He had slept eight hours, but it was a restless sleep. He got up and put on some work clothes. For the end of September, it was already cold in New York. He hated the cold. He thought about packing his bags, taking Rhodey and James and going to Hawaii. But Rhodey would probably bitch about it because he hates hot weathers and James wouldn't want to go and leave his shop. Tony sighed. He looked at the hour and decided not to eat breakfast at home. He had enough time to have some Starbucks.

On the way to the garage, Tony stopped by the cafeteria and got a Pumpkin Spice Latte for James and a black coffee for himself. James liked to mock Tony and tell him he was boring, but Tony didn't trust the amount of sugar in those drinks. Unlike Mr Supersoldier, Tony could get diabetes and that was something Tony wasn’t looking forward to.

"You are an angel" James said when Tony walked in with the coffee. He took his sugary drink and let out an obscene moan with the first sip. Tony wanted James. He had a taste of him once and wanted to have him again. But after that jealousy stunt, they never mentioned their night together again. Tony didn’t know how to read him. James had seemed eager to kiss him until Luis interrupted them, and after that, nada.

"Some people say I'm the devil in disguise." Tony answered.

"That's because you've never brought them coffee when they needed it the most." He took another sip. And let out another moan. Tony rolled his eyes and started working on the car’s radio and the sound system.

"I'm having friends over tonight. We’re doing Game Night. Do you want to come?" James asked.

"Yes, I'd love to come." Tony smiled. It was the first time James had asked him to come. He had told Tony about it, but never really invited him. He thought that maybe James didn't want him there, but one day while they were having lunch, he started talking about how his friends were always out all of the time and how he couldn't remember the last time they've had game night or really hung out together. Tony felt like an idiot in that moment. James made Tony a part of his life and he tried to include him in as many activities as he could, so it didn't make sense that he would cut him out from something as important to him as game night.

"Should I bring something?" Tony asked. It would be rude to just show up with empty hands. He didn't have to make good first impressions because after all, he knew James' friends and he had worked with them.

"The tradition is that a person buys takeout for everyone and another person buys the booze. If you want to, you can suggest where to buy food from and I'll pay for it."

"Nonsense. I'll buy the food. How about… Indian?"

"Indian sounds good." James smiled and got into the car to start covering the console with white leather. Faux, of course.

Time went by slower than usual that day. He was looking forward to that night. It had been ages since the last time he really hung out with his teammates. After they closed the shop, they went to the Indian restaurant around the corner and ordered takeout. He didn’t know how much food they would eat, so he ordered plenty.

James grabbed one of the takeout bags and started walking towards his house. It took Tony by surprise when James slipped his hand in Tony’s.

“How have you been, Kitty?” He asked.

“I haven’t been sleeping very well, so pretty tired. How about you?”

“I’ve been doing okay. I’ve been to a few therapy sessions and I'm feeling better."

"I'm happy that you are taking care of your mental health. It kills me to see you hurting." Tony said. James gave him a little smile and squeezed his hand.

When they arrived at James' house, their friends were already there, sitting on the floor around the coffee table.

"We chose caramel Vodka for tonight." Steve said and pointed to a box with six bottles of booze.

"Yes. A total disgrace. You don't know the pleasure of real vodka. I don't think you could handle it." Natasha said.

"I see your vodka and I raise it to homemade Bulgarian rakia. That shit is capable of getting me and Steve tipsy." James said.

"Oh yeah. I remember that time we went to Bulgaria to take down a Hydra base and we ended up in the house of an adorable old lady and her husband. What was her name?" Steve asked.

James placed the takeout on the table and thought for a second. "I think it was Baba Milka."

"Yes. Baba Milka. Do you remember Grigor, her husband? His hands were huge."

"I only remember how huge his barrel of Rakia was. I wonder if Atanas has some of that stuff. I'll have to ask him for next time." James sat on the floor. Tony took the seat next to Nat, facing James.

"How's it going, Tony?" Nat asked.

"Everything's good. I'm designing some stuff and in my free time I'm helping James out with a car."

She smiled. "I'm happy that James and you are getting along."

"Lyubov, do you want half of my curry?" James interrupted.

"Of course, mili. " She reached out and took the tray. Tony raised an eyebrow and googled the words. Apparently, mili meant dear and lyubov love in Russian. Tony felt a little bit jealous. He shouldn't have, really. Nat and James were good friends and they loved each other, so it was only normal for them to have pet names. James gave Tony a pet name the first time they hung out, and he loved it. But there was something about James saying lyubov that made Tony's chest ache. It sounded so beautiful.

They ate the food and Tony witnessed one of James and Sam's famous debates. When Sam ran out of points to make, he crossed his arms and said it was a stupid debate anyways. It was funny, because he knew the serious Sam from work, and he also felt bad because he never really bothered to get to know the man better. Even if he had tried, Sam was almost always out of town and when he was back, he would pretty much surround himself by Steve and Natasha.

Tony was expecting board games and a deck of uno cards, but instead, Sharon placed a shot glass in front of everyone and an empty glass bottle laying down in the middle of the table. Tony put two and two together. They were going to play Spin the bottle. The last time he had played that game was in college. Tony chuckled.

"You guys surprised me. I wasn't expecting this at all."

"If you don't want to play, it's okay." Sharon said with a sweet smile.

"And miss the opportunity to stick my tongue down Clint's throat? No thank you."

Clint chuckled. "I didn't know I woke up those types of feelings in you, Tony."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Don't get your hopes up."

"Okay, Bucky, why don't you start?" Sharon asked.

"Okie dokie!" He reached out and spun the bottle. When it stopped turning, it pointed at Steve. "Come here, punk" James pulled Steve in and kissed him. Tony felt jealous again. It was just a game, but damn. He craved those lips.

Natasha had to kiss Tony, and it was kinda awkward because he remembered the half boner he had gotten when she asked him if his drink was dirty enough for him.

It was his turn, and as the bottle was spinning, he prayed for it to land on James. But it didn't. By the time the game ended, he had kissed Sam and Sharon once, Natasha and Clint twice, and Steve three times. But never James. Was the universe playing some kind of prank on him?

The next game was never have I ever. Tony was pretty much drunk halfway through the game. He was surprised at how many things he had done. When Tony drank at the question "never have I ever had public sex", James looked at him with dark eyes. He wondered what was going on in his mind.

"Never have I ever admired Steve's ass. And if you don't drink, you're lying. It has a life of it's own." Tony said. Everyone drank, which made Steve blush.

"Never have I ever admired Tony's ass." Steve answered.

“Every day.” James drank.

"They'd have to be stupid not to." Tony said and took a shot.

"Never have I ever felt threatened while Natasha was holding a spoon." Sam said. Natasha glared at him and flicked him off as everyone drank.

"Honestly, knowing Nat, she would find a way to perform a perfectly precise surgery on someone with a spoon. That's how badass she is." Clint said.

"I once saw her peeling an apple with a hair pin." James added.

"I think you're all jealous of my abilities." Nat took a shot and made a disgusted face.

"True. If I were ever stuck on a deserted island, I'd take Nat with me." Steve said.

"Who wouldn't?" Asked Clint.

"I would take James. He can get creative with food and I don't feel like starving on a deserted island." Tony looked at James and smiled.

"And I'd take Tony. He'd pretty sure engineer something that would get us off the island." James said and returned the smile.

Truth or dare came next, although the game should have been called Dare or Dare because nobody actually chose truth. Clint, Sam and James would give each other the most ridiculous dares. James made Sam drink an entire glass of tabasco, Clint dared James to call a Chinese restaurant to order a pizza and Sam told Clint to brush Sharon's teeth. Tony thought of something ridiculous to do and he dared Steve say banana after every sentence.

"Bucky, truth or dare?" Clint asked.

"Dare."

“Take a blowjob from Tony.” He said and Tony almost choked.

“What?”

“I will.” James said and got up, totally ignoring the panic in Tony’s eyes. Was he seriously planning on blowing him?

James came back with a shot glass, two liqueur bottles and a pot of whipped cream. “So the blowjob goes like this. you take the shot glass and hold it over your crotch, and I have to sit in front of you and take the shot without using my hands.”

“Okay.” Tony said and sat on a chair. James prepared the shot and handed it to tony. Then, he took a chair and sat in front of Tony.

“Ready?” James asked. Tony nodded and held the drink over his parts.

James pulled his hair back and leaned down, taking the shot glass and straightening up to swallow. When he pulled the glass out of his mouth, there was a little drop of cream running down his chin. He catched it with his thumb and licked it, not breaking eye contact with Tony.

"That was hot." Clint whispered.

"Okay, I dare Bucky to give Tony a lap dance." Sam said and Steve shoved him.

"Guys, that's enough. Banana. Leave Bucky and Tony alone. Banana" Steve said.

Everyone laughed at Steve. It was funny to have him try being serious and scolding them while saying banana. Thankfully, they listened to Steve and left them alone.Tony was grateful for Steve. If James had given Tony a lap dance, he would’ve had the most awkward and painful boner.

James insisted that Tony stayed in his house, but Tony had a meeting the next morning and he preferred spending the night in his house. He got in the shower and closed his eyes. That was the most frustrating night of his life. He had James right there, with his head hovering over his bits, and he wanted him. He wanted James to map his entire body again, to leave hickeys all over his skin, proof that he was there. He wanted to feel him inside, filling him and making him feel whole.

He brushed those thoughts away, turned on the cold water and calmed himself. He wanted to be fresh for the meeting. Apparently it was a pretty important one.

 

Tony woke up from another restless night. He had no idea what was going on with him. He covered his face with his hands and groaned. There was nothing he hated more than meetings. He got dressed, made himself breakfast and left for the tower.

Half an hour into the meeting, he was bored out of his mind and started texting James. He was telling him about how some of the investors thought they are really funny when one of the attendants got his attention.

"Mr Stark, we would like for you to come to China to accompany your CEO. It would be a pleasure for us to have you there."

Unbelievable. Stupid sexist pigs. It wasn't the first time someone has asked Tony to "accompany" Pepper, and he was starting to get sick of it. He sighed.

"Sure. Why not?"

The meeting went by so slow. Tony felt like pulling his hair out. All of the people on that table were total hypocrites and waited for you to turn around so they can stab you in the back. Tony was sure that at least half of those people weren't even interested in what Stark Industries was developing, but in what it would give them if they invested in them.

Tony left the meeting with the worst mood ever. He got in the car and drove to the only place he knew he would be happy.

When James got home, Tony was waiting for him at the front door.

“Hey kitten.” James greeted.

“I came to say bye. I have to leave for China tomorrow and I’ll be away for a few days, maybe a week or two.”

"You don't seem very happy about it.” He opened the door and walked in with Tony following him. “Can I offer you something to drink or eat?” Bucky asked.

“I am kinda hungry. What does the chef have to offer?”

“Lemme see… hummus and veggies as a snack and for main course I can offer homemade cheeseburgers." James said.

"You had me at cheeseburgers!"

James smiled and prepared the hummus. He handed some veggies to Tony and they both got to work on the snack. While Tony was cutting some peppers, James went to the fridge and gathered the ingredients for the burger. He loved James' company, even if they didn't speak, having James around made him happy. They texted every single day and hung out as much as possible and those last few months were working wonders on Tony's mental health and mood. When he was with James, all of his troubles seemed so far away. He wondered if his company did the same for James.

They ate the food and Tony ranted all the time about how he hated travelling for business and how he thought that once Pepper took over the company, he wouldn't be bothered that much with the company's directive board.

"I swear it frustrates me a lot, James." Tony said and swallowed. "Investors have no respect for Pep. She's been running the business even before I made her CEO and still men have no respect for her and it makes me angry! If it wasn't for her, SI would be dead by now."

"I've heard that Pepper is a real badass. Clint is terrified of her."

"Who isn't Clint terrified of?" Tony asked and took a bite off his burger.

“If you want to help Pepper, why don’t you just stay home instead of attending the meetings and tell the investors to either fuck off or listen to what Pepper has to say?” James asked.

“I could do that, but honestly Pepper would be pissed if I stood her up tomorrow, so I have to go. But I will see what I can do regarding our collaborators.” Tony said and wiped his fingers.

“Do you want another burger?”

“God no. If I have another one I won’t be able to get into my pants.” Tony answered.

“I wouldn’t mind if you stopped wearing pants.” James teased.

Tony raised his eyebrow and chuckled. There was that playful man again. "I love walking around my house pantless, but I don't think I'd do it in public. I'm trying to keep my reputation clean."

"Especially since you are an avenger. You are supposed to set an example for people."

"I don't like it when people expect me to be a role model. It's exhausting."

"And that is why I'm staying out of the public eye." James got up and started cleaning the table.

"I think it's for the best. I don't like sharing." Tony said.

"Oh, I didn't know I was private property."

"Well, you are now." Tony shrugged and looked at his watch. "Fuck. I'd love to stay longer but I have to go." He got up and walked towards James. "Text me every day, okay?" Tony hugged him.

"I promise." He kissed the top of his head. Tony smiled and left.

 

He was at Pepper's office first thing in the morning. He knocked on the door and walked in at the faint 'come in.' "Pepper, can we talk?" Tony asked.

Pepper put down her magazine and crossed her arms. "Sure."

"So, you know I've been spending a lot of time with James lately, right?"

"Yeah, which I think is a bad idea."

Tony sighed. "Pep, I don't see it as a bad idea. He is an amazing friend and he helped me realize a few things."

"Is that so?" She asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes. And one of the things is that I can't buy your friendship. Pepper, I've been an idiot, and I understand now why you left me. I'm sorry that I made you worry so much for me all of the time. I know I'm reckless and I do dumb things and never think twice. And what I'm sorry about the most is that I put your life in danger so many times. You deserved to be treated better."

Pepper looked shocked. "Did you just apologize?"

"Yes, and i don't expect you to forgive me right away. I just want you to know that I respect you and I would do anything for you. After all, you're the only person that has always stood by my side." Tony said.

Pepper reached out and grabbed Tony's hand. "Baby steps. But I miss you and I want us to work this out."

"Good, because you are going to hate me right now. I want to let you shine, and I can't do that if I'm shadowing you, so I'm not going to China with you."

Pepper's jaw dropped. "Tony you can't possibly stand me up in the last second!"

"I know, it's horrible, but Pepper, you are more capable and fit for this job than I am, and by being there I am both humouring the misogynistic pigs that want me there and also not letting you do your job. You can do this. Put on your "I'm a badass business woman" heels and step over the people that don't have faith in you. Remind them that you are the boss and by not wanting to collaborate with us, the only people who have something to lose are them, not us."

Pepper's lips were shaking and her eyes were watering. "This is the most beautiful and empowering thing you've said to me in years. Who are you and what have you done to my Tony?"

"I'm the same old Tony, Pepper, but now I have someone in my life that is helping me bring out the man I've always wanted to be. I love you, and you are the most important person in my life, and I think that it's time to show it to you with actions, not only words."

"Come here, you soft idiot." Pepper hugged Tony. "Thank you for this." She whispered in his ear.

"You have nothing to thank me for." He kissed her cheek and broke the hug when Happy arrived to take Pepper to the airport. Tony wished her good luck and kissed her cheek before she rushed out of the office with Happy. 

 

He drove by a sex shop oh his way home and suddenly had an idea. He parked his car and went inside. Tony didn't really know what he wanted to do, but he knew it was going to be an epic prank. He walked by a row of dildos and vibrators, but didn't bother looking at them because the prank wasn't going to be that dirty. What did catch his eye was a set of butt plugs and an Aneros. He considered buying them for himself but decided to leave it for another day.

He continued walking and ended up in the lingerie and accessories section of the shop. He looked around and grabbed a few bottles of flavoured lube for his own use. His fingers traced a mask inspired by 50 Shades of Grey and he took a few of them. He also added to the cart gags, whips, floggers and handcuffs.

He didn't want to go too crazy buying accessories because it was just for a prank and he didn't want to overdo it.

Tony walked by the dildo display again and looked at the set of butt plugs and Aneros once more. When Tony started dating Pepper, he had to get rid of all of his sex toys since 'nobody would be using them', but he was single right now and he deserved a treat, so he stopped fighting it and grabbed the set of sex toys.

The woman at the register looked at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Having a party, Mr Stark?"

"Not at all…" he squinted his eyes to read her name on the nametag "... Wendy. It's for a prank."

"Well it's a pretty expensive prank, in that case. That will be eight hundred dollars."

Tony pulled out his credit card and handed it to her. "It's all worth it when you see the face of the man you've pranked."

She charged him and started placing his goodies in black matte boxes and inside black paper bags with red velvet handles. She handed him his purchases and smiled.

"Have a nice day, Mr Stark."

"You too, Wendy." Tony smiled and left for the parking lot. He opened the trunk and stored the bags there. "Next stop, a toy store." He got in his car and drove around. After a while he found one and walked in, buying a few Captain America plushies.

Once at home, Tony pulled out his phone and texted James.

_Tony: Heyyy James, my dearest Buckybear. I have something that you might be interested in._

_James: It's so weird when you use my nickname. What is the thing?_

Tony took a picture of the goodies he bought from the sex shop and sent it to James.

_James: this is not a very subtle way to tell me you want sex. Besides, weren't you on your way to China?_

_Tony: oh yeah, about that, I decided not to go. And the sex toys aren't for us, they are for Steve._

_James: For Steve???_

Tony took a picture of the captain america stuff he bought and forwarded it.

_Tony: congratulations, you are officially in my team for the prank wars._

_James: holy fuck count me IN!_

_Tony: come over to my house so we can work here without getting interrupted by Mr Spangles._

_James: okay kitty, see you in a few._

Tony took the sex toys and lube he had bought for himself and put them in his night stand, then he went to the kitchen and made coffee and breakfast.

James arrived carrying a giant box of Doughnuts in his hands.

"It's funny how they put a doughnut shop right in front of my Gym. It's like, hey, treat yourself after three hours at the gym! Or, hey, feel bad because you ate a doughnut and go spend three hours at the gym." James said amused, walking around Tony to pour himself a coffee. "Did you buy oat milk?" James asked.

"Yup, it's in the fridge." Tony chose a chocolate doughnut and took a bite. "I'd honestly run on the treadmill while eating doughnuts."

"You'd end up puking everywhere and it would be disgusting." James took his coffee and went to the living room. He set his drink on the table and started going through the sex accessories Tony bought. He put on a mask and Tony giggled.

"I was thinking of putting masks on Steve's heads and gag some of his mouths, and then place floggers in his hands. Make him look like a kinky motherfucker and then putting all of his pervy selves in his bedroom and hide cameras to record his reaction." Tony said.

"How did you even think of this?"

"I was horny and bored." Tony shrugged.

"Do you have rope?" James asked.

"What for?"

"Shibari" James said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I'm not that much into the BDSM world so you'll have to explain to me what the hell is that."

"Well it's basically a discipline that consists in tying a person's body with ropes and suspending them. It's hot as fuck. Natasha asked me to go to a class with her and by the end of it I was so horny that I jerked off like three times when I got home." James said.

"I didn't know you were into those type of things." Tony put on a mask as well.

"We don't usually talk about the things that do it for us. I'm usually more into vanilla sex but I also enjoyed some bondage back in the day. Getting tied up with a dame's pantyhose while she rode me or sucked me off was a big turn on." If Tony got a little hard, it wasn't his fault.

"I'm more into licking." Tony said. The truth was that Tony never really did interesting things in bed like bondage, gagging or spanking. He was more focused in getting off. And besides, he lacked the patience to do all that.

"I recommend you try shibari at least once. It's a totally different experience." James said and grabbed a Cap, putting a gag over its mouth.

"You could teach me." Tony suggested and bit his lip. James was focused on cuffing the Cap doll he had gagged.

"I don't remember that well how it's done. But I could tell you when is the next class so you can go."

James was either brushing him off or really bad at taking hints. He took a cap doll and aggressively shoved a flogger between his arm and the shield.

"Have you ever applied that knowledge outside class?" Tony asked.

"As you pretty well know, I recently had sex for the first time in seventy years, so no, I haven't." He took another doll and put a mask on it's head.

"Would you, though?"

"If my partner is into it and trusts me enough as to do it, I don't see why not. It's a totally different experience. FRIDAY, can you play Tony the video of Easy by Son Lux?" James asked his AI.

"Of course, Mr Barnes." She said and played the video. It was in black and white. An old woman was shown looking at the ocean and then some pictures of a child, probably her. The video showed a man tying up a woman in different positions and suspending her and the old woman was sketching her. It was a beautiful video, and the music and lyrics were hypnotic.

"This is one of my favourite songs. And the music video sends shivers down my spine. I interpret it as a woman that spent her entire life doing what she was supposed to do and now that she is old, she has to stand by and limit herself to watching other people do what she is too old and injured to do."

Tony thought of the way James described the video.

"And what is it that you are watching other people do?" Tony dared to ask.

"Have normal lives. Fall in love. Have children. That sort of things."

"You can still do it. Have a normal life and love." Tony said.

James looked at Tony. He seemed sad. "I'm trying to allow myself to love, Tony. But I still feel damaged and I'm not ready to invest myself in a romantic relationship and loving someone when I can't even fully love myself."

"I have faith that you will heal. Out of all of the people I know, you are the one that deserves the most a happy ending."

James smiled at him. "Thank you."

When they finished decorating the dolls, James called Steve. "Hey Stevie, when are you coming home? I'm asking cuz' I'm thinking of making Mamma Rogers' special soup and I want to know when to start cooking. Okay, okay good. Yeah, bring one. No, white. Okay, bye, love you." He hung up. "He'll be home by seven. Let's take these dolls home and while you set up the prank I'll go buy the ingredients and make the soup."

"Okay. What is so special about that soup anyways?" He asked.

"Well, it's not that special now, but back then it was a pretty big deal. We didn't have that much money for food and when we did, it was usually by Christmas, so momma would buy fresh veggies and a chicken and she would make chicken soup. It was the best time of the year. Sadly, when she passed and Steve and I were on our own, we didn't have much money, and when we had, we would save it so Steve could go to art school,so we couldn't prepare it."

Tony's heart dropped. He knew that James and Steve came from a poor background, but he didn't know it was so bad. He learned from History Class about the Great Depression, but he never knew anyone who lived through it (Howard liked to pretend he was never poor because the memories from before he was rich were too painful for him.) Tony didn't ask more questions about that. He decided that if James wanted to talk about it, he would do so without Tony asking him.

Tony entertained himself placing cameras all around Steve's room and then arranging the dolls. He couldn't help but laugh. Nobody (except for maybe James) knew if he was a virgin or not, and corrupting his image with kinky stuff was going to make him blush like one. He looked at the time. Half past six. He went to the kitchen and was greeted by James shoving a spoon in his mouth.

"Do you think it needs more salt?"

"No, it's perfect. It tastes really good."

"Thanks." He smiled and covered the pot. He took out of the fridge two beers and handed one to Tony. "I try to make this soup at least once every three months. I don't want it to become a usual dish in this house because it would stop being special." James said.

"Sentimental value. I understand." Tony said and chugged at his beer.

"When I was under Hydra's control, I didn't get fed that often. Many times they would send me on missions starving but I had to ignore that need because it would distract me . My mind was blank all of the time but somehow I always remembered the taste of this soup. It freaked me out because I didn't remember ever eating something with that taste, and still it was stuck in my head." He said and bit his lip. "I had memories of random stuff, and whenever I remembered my name, they would wipe me. I was just a toy." He sighed. "Sorry for the depressing memories. I can't really tell Steve because he gets all… weird. And I don't need weird right now." James said.

Tony hugged him. "It's okay, you can always talk to me. I'm not as good as you are with advice but I'm a good listener."

"Thank you" James put his forehead on Tony's and sighed. He caressed Tony's cheek with his hand and leaned in to kiss him. It was a slow and sweet kiss, not needy. It wasn't a kiss that led to something more, it was just James pouring his emotions into Tony, comforting himself with Tony's lips. Tony melted into the kiss, so familiar and at the same time strange.

They were interrupted by Steve clearing his throat. Tony pulled away with a blush and covered his mouth. He didn't really hear what Steve and James were talking, he just saw Steve go to his room. "God, I feel like I just got caught by my father." Tony chuckled.

"I can't really imagine what would Howard's reaction be if he ever caught us kissing "

"It would be something like-"

"What the _fuck_ is this!?" Steve yelled.

"-that." Tony finished.

Steve strode into the kitchen holding a gag in one hand and a flogger in the other. "Turning Captain America into a sex maniac isn't funny!"

"Then why did we laugh while doing it?" Tony asked.

"Because you two are some kinky crackheads. I want you two to get rid of the pervy caps in my room right now." Steve demanded.

"Chill, Virgin Mary. It was just a prank. Don't flog us to death." James said with a smirk.

"That's it, Buck." Steve said and hit James' ass with the flogger.

"Oh yes daddy! Harder please." James bit his lip and started running when Steve tried to flog him again.

Tony took out his phone and recorded Steve chasing James around. He would treasure that video forever.

After cleaning up Steve's room, they had dinner. Steve and James started telling stories from when they were little, reminiscing of the times when life wasn't that difficult and where things were black or white. Steve didn't mention the kiss, which was a relief since he didn't really want to talk about it.

Tony thought about his relationship with James. They started off with the wrong foot and then in one night, they became friends. They had sex once and were comfortable enough to cuddle together or be around each other naked. Tony didn't know in which category to put James in. They weren't just friends, but they weren't friends with benefits either. And Tony didn't want to put James in the "one night stand" box because what they had that night felt like more than just sex. Tony wasn't sure if he wanted to have a relationship with him, because he didn't know if he had actual feelings for the man apart from lust, and having a friends with benefits relationship wasn't the best idea because someone always got hurt.

Tony felt dizzy with the thought of hurting James. James trusted him enough to tell him things about his past that he wouldn't even tell Steve, and Tony didn't want to stop being a part of James' life.

That night, Tony couldn't sleep thinking about his feelings towards James. If he wasn't in love with the man, then why did he get so jealous when Greek God asked him out on a date? Or when James called Nat love? Or when James and Steve kissed?

Whenever James spoke on the phone with one of his friends, or even face to face, he would say "bye, I love you." But never to Tony. He wondered why. Maybe what James felt for Tony was respect and not love. Maybe it was too early for James to actually feel love for Tony the same way he felt love for Steve. Or maybe James wasn't allowing himself to love him.

But Tony didn't love James either… or at least that was what he thought. He groaned and rolled on his side, pressing a pillow on his ear. As if that would quiet the uncertainty and help him sleep.

 

Tony was at his workshop giving some last touches to his latest design when he heard Pepper and Rhodey speaking outside the room. Pepper put in her code and they walked in.

"Greetings, my friends. To what do I owe the pleasure?" Tony asked without looking up from his project.

"Halloween is in ten days, Tones." Rhodey said and walked around Tony to the kitchen. He grabbed a smoothie and leaned on the counter.

"So?" Tony was confused.

"So?" Pepper repeated. "Tony, you promised the employees and the investors a Halloween party and you haven't even started planning it." She said.

"Oh shit." Tony had completely forgotten. He spent most of the time in his workshop finishing prototypes and doing trials. He had also ditched James a few times. He wondered how was the car going. "Right, the Halloween party. Okay well uh… I feel like doing a masquerade party." Tony said.

"I like the idea." Rhodey had found some food. What was he even eating? Tony didn't remember bringing food to his workshop. "It's classy and elegant and people normally enjoy those types of parties. It's better than the awkward costumes of slutty nurses and weird looking Avengers."

"Last time I saw someone dressed as me." Pepper said, sitting down on the couch. "I didn't know if I should be offended or not." She shrugged. "I do like the masquerade party. It's easier."

"Yeah. Cocktail dresses, suits and masks. And the mystery of who is behind it." Tony sounded like a hopeless romantic. "Pep, why don't you take the decoration part? You have good taste. Rhodey can take care of catering and I'll do the guest list and invitations." Tony suggested.

"I'm okay with doing that." Pepper said and got up. "I'll also take care of the music."

"Add some pop songs or something. It's a party after all and I want people to loosen up and have fun."

"Tony, I'm not stupid. I'll do two parts. The cocktail part with some elegant lounge music and then party music. You know what? Let me do my thing. It's not my first time organizing a party."

"Sorry." Tony apologized.

Rhodey went to stand next to Pepper. "I'll contact the catering right now. I don't want to leave it for the last second. Talk to you later."

"Bye platypus. Love you."

"Love you too, Tones."

Pepper went with Rhodey and he was left alone again.

"FRIDAY, take notes, please." He said and started listing some of the investors that he wanted to send an invitation to. He didn't really feel like inviting the Chinese. He disliked them. But he had to since they were the ones investing the most money. He also told her to add the Avengers and Sharon Carter to the list. He'd tell James in person. He hoped he'd come.

"Sir, your appointment with Mr Wilson is in thirty minutes." His AI informed him.

"Thanks FRIDAY." Tony gathered his things and went to the garage to take his car. Sam's office wasn't that far by car so it took him ten minutes to arrive and another five to park. He went upstairs and sat on a chair in the waiting area.

"Mr Stark, it's your turn." The secretary said. Dammit. Tony had just sat down.

"Thanks." Tony smiled at her and walked in. He closed the door behind him and approached the desk. "Hey Sam." Tony greeted.

"Tony, it's nice to see you again." Sam gave him a huge smile. "Please, sit down."

Tony did as he was told and crossed his legs.

"Okay. So last session we talked about your nightmares. Have they been coming back since then?"

Tony felt like lying, but he was making so much progress that it made him feel guilty.

"They have. And they are more vivid than ever."

"What are those dreams about?" He asked and started taking notes.

"New York as always. Some days I wake up all sweaty and others I just feel like I can't breathe, like I'm drowning." He admitted.

"Tony, are you going through something that is triggering those nightmares?" Sam asked. His face got a little bit serious.

"No."

"Even if the things in your daily life aren't directly related to New York, you can still get triggered. Let's say that what was tormenting you wasn't New York but an armed robbery in a bank in which you were a hostage. Whenever you walk by a bank now, or little words taken out of context can be enough to make you remember a bad experience. Freud had the theory that our mind is like an iceberg. The tip of the iceberg is our conscious mind, the one we can control, and the body of the iceberg is our unconscious mind, the one we suppress because it doesn't make any good to our conscious mind. The unconscious mind is expressed by symbols, and for Freud, dreams were a way of our unconscious to express itself. So think, Tony. Is there something that is triggering you? Maybe a bad experience recently or a fear. I won't pressure you to tell me now, but you should give it a thought."

Tony thought about what Sam had just said and dug deep.

"When the battle of New York happened, I had everything I had ever wanted and I was allowing myself to be happy. After it, though, I was never the same. It has been tormenting me for years and I have lost people because of it. I think it's fear."

"Fear of what exactly?" Sam asked.

"That it will all go to shit again. Ever since I made up with Steve and recovered my friends, I've been really happy. I have everything that I want, a nice job, a nice hobby, nice friends and a shoulder to cry on. And I am afraid that if I let myself be happy again, it will all be ruined by something that will scar me even more."

"So, you are saying that the uncertainty of not knowing what is going to happen if you let yourself be happy is what's keeping you up at night." Sam said and wrote it down.

"Yeah, and because destiny is a bitch and life hates me."

Sam rose his eyebrows. "I think that destiny doesn't apply in that case, Tony. That was a case of thinking fast and acting even faster. It was a choice you made because there was no one else capable of doing what you did. You knew the risks and you chose to do it because you knew that it was either that or letting the aliens take over the world."

"Yeah well you believe in your Freud theory and I believe in the line that Einstein said that "God does not play dice." Tony said and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay, I'm not going to fight with you about this. At least not in my office, but I am totally debating this on game night. Listen, Tony. You can't let fear take over your life. You've looked death in the eyes and you've said not today. The fact that you are here, talking to me instead of closing yourself shows me that you want to get better. I can help you guide you, but the person who has to take that step is you."

"God, Sam. I just have so many things on my mind." Tony groaned and rubbed his face. "I am trying to be happy, but every time I think I am going to take a step forward, I overthink things and take two steps back."

"And what is it that you are overtaking?"

"I want to… I want to ask James out. On a date and see how things go. I am really interested in him. He makes me laugh and he understands me and he makes me feel safe. But at the same time I think that maybe he won't want to be with me because of my parents, or that he will feel so bad about hurting me that he would say yes to me and he'll be in an unhappy relationship. And I am afraid that if I let myself be happy, something bad is going to happen."

Sam smiled. "Bucky never does something that he doesn't feel comfortable with unless he is under some heavy brainwashing. If you want to go on a date with him, then go for it. Ask him out. You already have no as an answer, but maybe he can surprise you and say yes. And if you two manage to get together, don't be afraid. As my father used to say, things have to twist themselves first to get fixed."

Tony smiled. "I don't promise anything, but I'll try." He got up and extended his hand to shake Sam's

"See you at Game Night." Sam said.

"See you then."

Tony was making his way to his car when his phone started ringing. He panicked when he saw James' number because he never called, only texted.

"Hello?" Tony said. All he could hear was white noise. "James you there?" James didn't reply. Tony hung up and dialed James.

It rung a few times before he answered.

"Tony, is something wrong? You never call." James sounded worried.

"Well you called first."

"No I didn't."

"Yes you did. Check your phone."

The line went silent for a few seconds and then James' voice came back.

"Okay, that was a booty call. Sorry."

Tony chuckled. "Hey so I just got out of therapy with Sam."

"And how did it go?"

"It went well. I'm in the mood of ice cream. Mind if I buy some Ben and Jerry's and go by your house?"

"Not at all. Mi casa es tu casa."

"Sure. See you. Bye."

"Bye." James said and hung up.

Tony parked the car in front of James' building and walked to the store to stretch his legs. He saw a few of James' neighbours and greeted them. Tony went into the store and grabbed two tubs of ice cream, one cookie dough and one vanilla, a bag of cookies and hot chocolate, and walked to the register. Miss Martha, one of the oldest neighbours, was carrying two bags that seemed very heavy. When Tony reached her, the poor woman was panting.

"Miss Martha, do you want me to carry your bags? I'm going towards the building as well."

"Oh, young man. May you be blessed. Here, carry this one." She handed him one of the bags. It was pretty heavy. "So,are you and Bucky … gay?" She asked in a whisper.

"Uh… we are bisexual. We like both men and women. Why?"

"Oh, dear. I just asked because I always see you and Bucky very close. Are you dating?"

He'd been interrogated a few times before, and none of those times were as intense.

"No."

"Why?" She asked. She seemed surprised.

"I don't know, ma'am. We just… aren't"

"Well it's a shame. You two look good together."

"Thanks, I guess." He chuckled. She was pretty nosy.

"My grandson was also a gay. When he told his parents, they kicked him out so I let him live with me. I didn't care what his sexual orientation was, he was my baby and his parents didn't have the right to do what they did."

"Where is he now?" Tony asked.

"He died of cancer. Poor boy. He had a whole life to live. I'm sad he didn't get to be happy. A grandmother should never bury her grandchild, and yet I did. His parents didn't even care about his cancer. They weren't at the funeral either. They thought that him dying of cancer was a punishment from God for his sin. His only sin was loving." She said, her voice was shaky. "Do your parents know?"

"No. They died before I could tell them. I think that my mom would have been happy that I was true to myself. My father… I don't really know."

"I'm sorry to hear that. How'd they die?" She asked.

"A car crash." He didn't feel like telling the lady that his parents were killed by his crush that also happened to be her next door neighbour.

Tony left Martha's bag in front of her door, said goodbye and knocked on James'. James opened and smiled at Tony.

"I was about to report you missing to the police." He said and let Tony in.

"I couldn't bring myself to disappear on you. I was helping Miss Martha carry her groceries home."

"You were helping an old lady? I love that." He chuckled and took the bag of groceries from Tony.

"My momma raised me right." He smiled at James. "So, how is the Impala going?" He asked and sat on the couch.

"I haven't done much to her. I like working on her with you and since you've been buried in work I decided to put her on standby until you could help." James joined Tony on the couch with the tubes of ice cream and handed him a spoon.

"That is so sweet of you." He took the lid off the vanilla ice cream and took a scoop.

"It's not the same working on the car without your enthusiasm."

"It's a great car. I might buy myself one and we can work on it together." Tony took another scoop.

"I wouldn't mind that at all. I love the smile on your face when you are working on it. It looks good on you."

"It might be because I'm finally allowing myself to be happy." Tony said and looked at James. "I'm throwing a masquerade party for Halloween. I'd like it if you were my plus one."

"Your plus one, huh?" James smiled. "I'd love to go."

"Great." Tony smiled at James.

"Oh, I almost forgot. I made you something." James got off the couch and disappeared into his room. What could he have possibly made for Tony? "Okay, here it is." James returned to the couch and handed Tony a paper bag. Tony looked inside the bag and started laughing.

He pulled out a yellow beanie with a red pompom and a red scarf. The scarf was made out of thick thread, which made it look even cozier, and the hat's thread was thinner, with beautiful and elegant stitches.

"You made this for me?" Tony asked.

"Yeah. I like knitting in my free time, and I know that you normally get cold pretty easily so I knitted you some cozy accessories. I don't know. It seemed like a good idea."

Tony got up and looked directly into James' eyes. "You're perfect. This is the best gift I've ever received. I don't deserve you."

"It's the best way I have of saying that I deeply care about you." James said and caressed Tony's cheek. "I'm glad that you like it."

Tony leaned in and softly kissed James on the lips. "I adore it. I'll wear them every day."

James chuckled. "I don't know if they would look good with a suit."

"I'll make it work, don't worry."

"Do you want to watch Titanic?" James asked.

"No. I'm tired of that movie. I want something with a happier ending."

"Okay. Let's see what they got on Netflix." James kissed the tip of Tony's nose. "On the couch or in my room?" He asked.

"In your room. Your bed is comfier." Tony said and smiled.

They chose Pretty Woman, but they never really paid attention to the movie. Tony was cuddled on James' side and they would either start talking about random things or just tickle each other.

When the scene where the characters have sex on the piano came on, Tony looked up at James. "I've always wanted to do that but I've never found a person with whom to do it."

"I hope you find a partner worthy of your piano." James whispered and kissed the top of his head.

"Maybe I've found that person but he doesn't realize that I'm interested in him." He said.

"I wonder why."

"I don't know. Maybe I'm not as obvious as I think I am." Tony whispered.

"And does he show interest in you?" James asked.

"I think he does." Tony was looking into James' eyes.

"How couldn't he? You are sexy, smart, kind, you have sense of humour and you are understanding and forgiving." James brushed his lips against Tony's, not quite connecting them. "I'd be stupid not to show interest in you, kitty." He whispered against his lips.

"Do you want to go on a couple of dates with me, see how that goes?" Tony asked.

"Yes." James pulled Tony in for a sweet and slow kiss, the type that always left Tony breathless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Blow Job is a real drink. It's done with Amaretto, Irish cream and whipped cream. Half of the shot glass is filled with amaretto and the other half with irish cream and it is topped with whipped cream.  
> And yes, that really is how you take the shot ;) 
> 
> The special soup is a soup I do myself, and while it isn't very special for me because I can do it pretty much whenever I want, I thought that maybe back when Steve and Bucky were kids, especially living in the great depression, a decent chicken soup wasn't a dish they could afford pretty often. 
> 
> Also, if you think I exaggerated with the price of the sex toys and accesories Tony bought, I am not. An aneros and butt plug set alone cost around two hundred dollars. I investigated and did some maths. 
> 
> To finish off this inmense note, I recommend you listen Easy by Son Lux. It's one of my fabourite songs ever and it gives me chills every time I listen to it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really wanted to post earlier, but I've had pretty busy two weeks.


	6. First Dates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not posting for over a month. Truth is I needed to take a little break due to personal problems, but I am back.   
> This book is coming to an end, but Bucky and Tony's story is far from over.   
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

Bucky was getting ready for his first date with Tony. He was very nervous. It wasn't the first time they were going to a restaurant together, but it was the first time they were going as each others' interests. 

The truth was, Bucky always thought he was going to be the one to ask Tony out, but it was a pleasant surprise when the younger man made the first move. Bucky had it planned: get to know each other better, find out if they were on the same page and plan the perfect date before asking him.

He had already gotten to know Tony.He knew that his pet peeve was when kids told him that he was their role model because that was unnecessary pressure for him, that he was a sucker for romantic movies because he thought that his love life was a disaster and that he had a bit of OCD. He also knew that Tony had a beautiful mole on his right hip, that he was extremely ticklish and he hated it when people touched his feet in a sexual way. Bucky already knew Tony so well that it felt like they've been friends for a lifetime, not four months only. 

Bucky decided to go for a half updo, a black button down with colorful flower prints, black skinny jeans and a bomber jacket. He looked in the mirror and sighed. He didn't want Tony to think he was overdoing it. 

He heard a knock on the door and went to open it. Tony was there with a big smile on his face. He was wearing jeans, a leather jacket, probably a henley under the coat and his red scarf. Bucky smiled. 

"You are wearing the scarf I made you." Bucky noted.

"I told you I'd wear it every day. I'm just sad that you didn't knit me a pair of mittens. My hands are getting cold." He said. 

"What are my hands for?" Bucky smiled and extended his hands. Tony took them and pulled Bucky closer. 

"We talked about no sex until at least the third date, but what about kissing?" Tony asked. 

"My lips are all yours." He whispered. 

Tony got on his tiptoes and kissed Bucky. Bucky felt shocks all over his body. The way Tony kissed was sweet and soft. He was always so gentle, even when he was being rough. Bucky could kiss him forever. They pulled away and smiled.

"We should go if we want to make it to our reservation in time." Tony said.

"Sure, just a second." Bucky grabbed his wallet, phone and keys, and they left, closing the door behind them. 

"Where are you taking me?" Bucky asked. 

"To one of my favourite restaurants ever. Italian food, obviously." Tony said and smiled. 

The restaurant Tony was talking about was near Central Park. It was big and pretty crowded, but Tony had made sure to get a table far from the crowd for some privacy. Bucky pulled out Tony's chair for him to sit. 

"What a gentleman" Tony smiled and sat down. 

Bucky leaned down and whispered in Tony's ear. "My momma raised me right." He laughed and went over to his chair. 

"You are such an idiot." Tony laughed as well. 

The waiter approached them with the menus and a wine card and left them on the table. 

"Let me know when you've decided what to eat." He smiled and left. 

Bucky took the menu while Tony read the wine card. 

"I was thinking of getting a cheese board." Tony said and put the wine card down.

"That sounds perfect. What are you going to eat?" Bucky asked. 

"Salmon for first, and carbonara linguine for second. How about you?" Tony asked.

"Focaccia bread and bolognese macaroni." 

"Nice choice. The focaccia bread here is so good. Do you know how to do it?" 

"I tried making it once. Let's say it wasn't one of my best dishes. But I would gladly try making it again." Bucky answered. 

"I have faith in you." Tony smiled and called the waiter to take their order. 

The food was amazing. Tony was right about the focaccia being good. It was fluffy and buttery and it was topped with slices of black olives, cheese and basil. It was also big, so Bucky shared it with Tony. He wanted to have space for the pasta. 

Tony made Bucky try the Carbonara Linguine and it was good, but not as good as his. 

"I will cook Carbonara macaroni for you. This one is tasty, but I prefer mine." 

"And what is the difference between yours and this one?" Tony asked. 

"I put in much more love." Bucky winked and took a sip of his wine. A chef never revealed his secrets. 

The night was going extremely well. Their dynamic was still the same, nothing had changed between them just because they were on a date.

They were walking around, hand in hand, in a comfortable silence. Bucky looked at Tony. He seemed very relaxed. He loved seeing him like that. Most of the time, Tony would overthink things and even if he didn't say anything to Bucky, Bucky knew when he was tense. 

"You're staring." Tony said. 

"It's because you look handsome." Bucky answered and smiled. 

"Did you just realize that?" Tony smirked. 

"I realized it the first time I saw you." Bucky took Tony's hand to his lips and kissed it. 

"You're so romantic" Tony blushed. 

"I think of myself more as honest. If you weren't handsome, I wouldn't call you handsome."

"So you like me for my looks?" Tony asked with a playful smile. 

"Don't put words in my mouth. I like you because of who you are." 

Tony shook his head and kissed Bucky. He could get used to kissing those plush and soft lips. 

Tony pulled away and smiled at him. "We better get going." 

"Sadly, yes. I hate it that we work tomorrow." Bucky said.

"We can have another date this sunday if you want." Tony said and brushed Bucky's lips with his thumb. 

"I like the idea." He gave him a short kiss and they walked towards the car. 

Bucky pretty much dragged himself up the stairs. He was very tired. It wasn't that late but he had an early morning and it was a busy day. He pulled out his phone before getting inside his apartment and texted Luis to take the morning shift and he would take the afternoon one. Tony wasn't going to the shop anyway because he had to work with Pepper on the party. 

He got inside and saw Steve holding a notebook and doodling. 

"Honey I'm home." Bucky said and sat next to Steve. 

"Welcome back, cheater. How was your date?" Steve asked. 

"Come on now Hubby, we are in an open relationship." Bucky chuckled. "It was amazing. I was nervous about it for no reason. Tony and I had the same dynamic, with the only difference that now we get to kiss." 

"This is so weird. I mean, four months ago I was at the verge of an anxiety attack because I invited both you and Tony to my birthday party, and suddenly you start fucking, kissing and going on dates." Steve put his notebook on the coffee table and laid down on the couch, using Bucky's thigh as a pillow.

Bucky started petting Steve's hair. "We didn't start fucking, we fucked just once and in the four months prior to us going on a date, we kissed like three times." Bucky said.

"Whatever. It still feels unreal. I was already torn thinking about how I would always have to exclude one of you from my plans and only the thought of it made me nervous, but here you are, with one foot in a relationship. I guess I never really imagined something like that could happen." 

"I still can't believe that he is in my life. He is too good for me. But I will stop speaking like this. I don't want to jinx the best thing that has happened in my life since the fall." 

"You won't jinx it, Buck." 

"It's better to be safe than sorry, and I definitely don't want to lose the opportunity of being with the man I love because of some negative thoughts that will trigger my overthinking." 

"Then be positive. I've known Tony for six years and if he weren't really interested in you, he wouldn't be leading you on." Steve said and suddenly he sat up and looked at Bucky with wide eyes. "You just said the man I love. Bucky, are you in love with Tony? When did that happen?" 

"For a while now." Bucky said, recalling the way Tony had touched his scar. He brought his hand to his left shoulder and touched the spot where his scar used to be. He didn't exactly know when he fell in love with Tony, but since the first time they spoke, he knew that Tony was going to be special.

"God. You are head over heels for him." Steve said with a smile. "I really wish you the best, Buck." He said and hugged him. 

"Thank you, Steve." 

 

Bucky thought that it would take forever for Sunday to come, but the week had been crazy and it didn't give him time to think of his second date with Tony. There was still a lot of work to do in the shop, but since Luis needed some extra cash to buy a new fridge, Bucky let him take over the business that day. 

He went to the Chinese market in Chinatown and bought some rice noodles, real soy sauce, not the shit that they sold at American grocery stores, Chinese mushrooms, bamboo and veal. He was going to prepare homemade chinese food for Tony. 

When he arrived at the mansion, Tony was waiting outside. 

"Did you lock yourself out?" Bucky asked. 

"I wanted some fresh air." Tony answered with a smile. "It isn't so chilly today so I went for a walk with Sharon and her dog." 

"I'm surprised you didn't step on Fluff. He is minuscule." Bucky said and chuckled.

"Because I'm careful, unlike you, Bigfoot. The poor boy is still limping."

Bucky winced. "Is he? I still feel so bad." 

"It's okay. You didn't do it on purpose." Tony got up and kissed him, then opened the door to the house and walked in.

"I might get a dog." Bucky said. "I want a black pitbull and I'd name him Dracul, which means Devil in Romanian." 

"Or you could get a Golden Retriever and call him Steve. They both have the same energy and it would be funny to see them both trying to figure out who you're calling." 

"It would be kinda cruel, don't you think?" Bucky asked. 

"Cruel is my middle name baby." Tony said and winked. 

They ate dinner watching the Kardashians and criticizing them just like in the old days. Tony was impressed with how good his Chinese food was and he actually ate three bowls. 

"I swear, you are getting me fat. Three months ago these pants fit me perfectly." 

"Are you seriously complaining, Anthony? I'm actually feeding you good quality food." 

"Don't get me wrong, James. I love your food, but if you continue feeding me like that, I won't be able to move." 

"Then I'll carry you around. I can lift a car with my left arm so you won't be a problem." 

"Aren't you an angel?" Tony smiled and kissed his nose. 

"I am. I'm an actual angel sent by the lord." Bucky went to kiss him just as Tony burped. Bucky made his best shocked face but couldn't hold it for long. Seeing Tony tomato red, holding his hands over his mouth, and the situation in general made Bucky start laughing like a maniac. "I didn't know I caused you such repulsion, Tony." 

"Oh my God, no, I'm so sorry! I actually ate too much and I'm gassy and I didn't mean to burp in your face." Tony was getting even more red as he spoke. 

"I can't actually believe you. That's it. No more kisses for you." Bucky said and dramatically turned his attention back to the TV, crossing his arms over his chest. 

Half an hour later, Tony was in Bucky's lap, making out with him. 

 

Bucky was surprised at how early people started to dress up for Halloween. When he went to pick up his suit in the morning, the lady from the shop was dressed as a vampire and offered him a handful of candy. Despite Bucky's sweet tooth, he turned the offer down. He had promised Tony to take less sugar.

On his way home, he admired the Halloween decor. There were some people that really overdid it. Gardens were turned into graveyards, there were some skeletons hanging from trees, ghosts and giant spider webs. 

Bucky didn’t usually decorate for halloween, but this year, Luis and Scott had decorated the shop with Calaveritas in honour of El Día de los Muertos, and the shop had never looked so beautiful.

Bucky arrived home and made lunch for him and Steve. The party Tony had invited them to started at six, so they had plenty of time to eat and get ready. 

Bucky used the shower first, since he had more work to do with his hair. While Steve was showering, Bucky blow dried his hair and put it in a bun. He let some free strands fall on the side of his face, framing it, then he put on his suit. He had chosen all black for the occasion. What he liked the most was his dressing shirt. It was see through with velvet flower patterns that kept the shirt from exposing too much.. The only pop of color was his tie, which was a burgundy color. 

When he saw Steve he whistled. He was wearing black slacks, a white dressing shirt, a velvet blue suit coat and a bow tie. "You look good." Bucky said with a smile. 

Steve smiled and looked Bucky up and down. "You look good yourself. Let's go, Tony sent a limo and it's outside waiting." 

They grabbed their masks and left the apartment. 

Nat, Sharon and Sam were already in the limo waiting. Sam seemed tipsy and Natasha was giving him the side eye. He found it amusing how Nat was always mothering Sam.Sharon opened another bottle of champagne and they toasted. 

The ride to the Stark headquarters was a long drive with traffic and all, and Bucky was getting worried that they wouldn't be there in time. 

After what seemed like forever, the limo stopped and they all put on their masks before leaving their ride. There was a red carpet and a lot of paparazzis and reporters taking pictures and trying to get an interview from them. From what Steve had told him, every event created by Tony was like this.

When they walked inside, Bucky was taken aback with how beautiful everything was. The decoration was focused on golden details. There were dancers everywhere, dancing in beautiful black lingerie. He noticed some giant cocktail glasses with a woman in each of them, with 20's inspired makeup and giant feathery headpieces.

He felt a hand on his arm and he turned around to see who it was. Bucky had to take a deep breath. Tony was looking amazing as always. He was wearing a black three piece suit with a golden tie, that was the exact same color of the details on his mask. A cat mask that covered his eyes and nose.

"You look… wow." Bucky said. He could barely find words to describe how Tony looked. The only thing that came to his mind was wow.

"You look wow yourself, Sergeant." Tony smiled and grabbed the lapels of his suit, pulling him in for a kiss. 

Bucky respectfully rested his hands on Tony's hips. In private, he didn't care where his hands ended on Tony's body, but they were in public and he wanted to keep it PG. Although the only thing he wanted to do was peel Tony out of that suit and fuck him boneless. 

"This is beautiful." Bucky complemented the party when they pulled away. 

"Thank you. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Bourbon on the rocks." Bucky answered. 

"Okay, let's go to the bar." Tony took his hand and made his way through the crowd. He stopped to greet a few people and smiled his million dollar smile to a group of judgy old men. Bucky knew that was Tony's fake smile. The one that said 'I'm only smiling because I'm supposed to, not because I want to. 

They made it to the bar and Tony ordered two bourbons before attacking Bucky's lips again. "You look irresistible like this. Why have I never seen you in a suit?" He asked. 

"Because I've never had an occasion that required one in the last few months." Bucky answered. 

"I'm planning on changing that." He wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck and kissed him again. 

They were interrupted by someone clearing their throat. When Bucky looked at the direction of the sound, he was shocked. He assumed she was Pepper. She wasn't wearing her mask so Bucky could admire how beautiful she was. 

"Hi, Pep." Tony said with a smile. "This is Sergeant James Barnes, although you already know who he is." 

"Sergeant Barnes." She nodded with a smile. 

"Just Bucky is fine. I stopped being Sergeant a long time ago." Bucky said. 

"In that case, it's really nice to meet you, Bucky. Tony won't shut up about you. I'm Pepper." She extended her hand. He took it and kissed it. "Wow, what a gentleman." She said with a smile. 

"It's my forty's manners." Bucky replied with a smile. "You did a beautiful job, Pepper. I really like it." 

"Thank you." Her smile got even bigger. "I have to go greet a few investors, but I hope you two have a nice time. It was nice to finally meet you, Bucky." 

"Same. I hope we get to talk a bit more." He smiled. She walked away and left him and Tony alone. 

"She will probably give you the shovel talk." He said and they both laughed. 

They spent the next hour going around talking to people. He was in the middle of a conversation about World War II with Rhodey when he heard a familiar voice. 

"Oh my God! You are the man with the metal arm. You are like so cool! We never got the chance to get introduced to each other because we were busy fighting, sorry about that, by the way. I'm Peter Parker." Peter took Bucky's left hand and shook it. "Oh! You don't have a metal arm anymore!." 

"I still do, it's just covered in flesh." 

"Shouldn't you be in bed by now?" Rhodey asked. 

"It's still like eight, and Mr Stark invited me and aunt May so I can stay a while longer." Peter said and took a sip of his… orange juice. "Oh, I never got your name!" 

"I'm Bucky." Bucky said and smiled. 

"It's a pleasure, Mr Bucky. So what were you talking about?" He asked. 

"World War II" Bucky answered. 

"Can I listen? I have a history exam about WWII next week and I would love to hear some stories from someone who was actually there." 

Bucky chuckled. Rhodey seemed amused as well. "Sure, kid. Tag along. And don't be afraid to ask questions." Bucky said. 

Bucky talked about the Red Skull, the Howling Commandos and how Howard's technology helped them a lot in the battlefield when Tony interrupted. 

"Do you want to dance?" Tony asked. 

"Sure. I'm sorry guys, talk to you later. And Peter, have in mind that what I told you is my personal experience. You still have to study for the exam and the right answers are whatever the history book tells you." 

"I will! Thank you so much Mr Bucky. It was a pleasure!" Peter walked away and Rhodey was already talking about something with Clint. 

Tony took Bucky's hand and led him to the dance floor. They started dancing to a slow song. Tony's head was resting against Bucky's shoulder, their bodies moving in sync with the music, like if they had danced a million times before. 

"You know this is our third date, right?" Tony whispered in his ear. 

"Is that so?" Bucky acted surprised.

"Mhm. And the no sex rule stops applying today." Tony smirked. 

"Someone is impatient." Bucky teased. 

"You are wearing a suit and that's hot. I want to see you without it, though." Tony said and kissed him. 

Bucky smirked. "I'm going to the bathroom. Come find me in a little bit." He kissed Tony's hair and left. 

He walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind him. He took off his mask and washed his face. The mask was beautiful and all, but the silver metal mixed with the sweat was making his skin itchy. 

After what seemed like five minutes, there was a knock on the door.

"James, it's me." Bucky let Tony in, closed the door behind him and pinned the shorter man against it, connecting their lips in a passionate kiss. Tony moaned and wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck, deepening the kiss. 

Bucky grabbed one of Tony's legs and wrapped it around his waist, then he rocked his hips against Tony, his painful boner aching with the friction. 

"God. I've been craving you for so long." Tony said and threw his head back with a moan when Bucky rocked his hips again, stretching his neck and inviting Bucky's mouth. Bucky took that opportunity to lick and kiss his neck. He wanted to suck a hickey on it, but they were in public and he didn't want people to know what they had done. Or maybe he did. 

He undid the collar button on Tony's shirt and loosened the tie, then he chose a spot and sucked a hickey on it. 

Tony moaned at the sensation. He sounded so needy and desperate, he wanted to give Tony what he wanted, but he also wanted Tony to beg for it. He connected their lips again and searched for one of Tony's nipples, pinching it through the shirt. Tony let out a little whine that was absorbed by Bucky's lips and arched his back, pressing their chests together. 

Bucky's hand travelled from his nipple to his crotch. He cupped it and squeezed,earning another moan from Tony.

Tony pulled away, panting, and looked at him with dark and hungry eyes. "Stop teasing, you devil." He said and took off Bucky's tie. Tony leaned in and licked Bucky's nipple through his shirt, then blew on it. His nipple hardened at the sensation and the friction with the fabric was driving him crazy. Tony managed to discard Bucky's shirt along with his coat and started peppering his chest with kisses. 

Tony's hair was tickling him with every kiss, raising goosebumps all over his chest. "You can't even imagine how long i've been craving you." Tony said and kissed each muscle of his six pack. "It was torture, having you right in front of me…" he licked a line from his waistline to his navel, dipping in his tongue, and continued up his chest to his throat and mouth. "... but never being able to touch you like this." Tony kissed him and slipped his tongue in Bucky's mouth, his hands roaming all over Bucky's chest, exploring it, mapping it and memorizing it.

"I've craved you too." Bucky said when Tony pulled away and concentrated on leaving hickeys on his chest. 

Bucky took off Tony's vest and shirt, but left the tie on. He was going to put it to good use. When they pressed their naked chests together, Bucky felt sparks all over his body. Tony's skin was smooth and warm and it perfectly slid against his own skin. He loved the sensation of Tony pressed against him, holding him close and caressing his back with calloused fingers. 

Tony pulled away and pushed Bucky against the wall. He slid to his knees and bounced a couple of times, letting out a moan. Bucky wondered why he was doing that but didn't ask. Instead, he enjoyed the sensation of Tony pulling down his pants and taking off a little of the pressure on his cock. Tony mouthed at his shaft through the thin fabric of the boxers and cupped Bucky's balls in one hand, gently kneading them. With his teeth, Tony pulled down the waistband of his boxers, freeing only the tip, and then he started licking at it. 

He kitty lapped at his head a few times, then, he dipped the tip of his tongue in his slit and gathered the small bead of precome forming in it. He moved to the crown and licked there, putting in a little more pressure, and finally took the tip of his cock in his mouth and sucked on it. Bucky let out a loud moan and grabbed at Tony's hair. He wanted to push his head down to take in more of his cock, or even better, hold him still and fuck that beautiful plush mouth, but he decided to let Tony set the pace. 

Tony freed Bucky's cock completely and started bobbing his head. He twirled his tongue, pressed it against his veins and took Bucky down completely, his nose brushing against Bucky's pubes. Bucky moaned and wrapped his fingers around Tony's throat, feeling the bulge of his cock there, and then Tony pulled away, obscenely slurping and grazing his cock with his teeth. There was a thin saliva thread between Tony's mouth and Bucky's gland. He gently pulled Tony up by the chin and licked it. Tony sucked his tongue into his mouth and bit on it playfully-

"Fuck, that was one of the best blowjobs I've ever gotten." Bucky said, breathless. 

"I didn't know I had it in me to take your cock down my throat. I consider that my biggest accomplishment." He smiled proudly. 

"My turn." Bucky said and put his hands under Tony's ass, pulling him up on his waist. He maneuvered himself out of his shoes and pants and walked towards the sink, placing Tony gently on the counter. He kissed Tony as he undid his pants and pulled out his cock, and then he leaned down, bracing himself on the counter, and took Tony in his mouth. He wasn't as much of a tease as Tony, so he put himself to work immediately, bobbing his head and working his cock with his mouth. Bucky took him down his throat and stayed there for a moment, his tongue moving flat on the underside of Tony's cock. Tony buried his hands in Bucky's hair and tightened his grip, probably fighting the urge to move. 

Bucky pulled away with an obscene pop. "Do you want to fuck my mouth, kitty?" Bucky asked and slowly licked a stripe from the base of Tony's shaft to the tip, without breaking eye contact. 

"Fuck. Yes. But not… not now. I need you to fuck me." Tony said, panting for air. He took off his mask and put it on the counter next to him. "I want you to fuck me from behind." Tony said. 

"As you wish." He pulled Tony off the counter. "Lube?" He asked.

"Inside my vest pocket." Tony said. 

Bucky reached for his vest and fished out a packet of lube. He spun Tony around and pulled down his pants and boxers, then he got on his knees behind him. Tony took one leg out of his pants and spread his legs wider, bending down. Bucky's eyes got wide as plates and he gasped when he saw what was in front of him.

"You are wearing a butt plug." Bucky said. 

"Yes, I am. Is there a problem, sergeant?" Tony looked at Bucky over his shoulder with a mischievous smirk. 

"Not at all." Bucky ran a finger over the blue stone and tugged at the plug. It was a big one, and it was stretching Tony's rim beautifully. With one hand, he spread Tony's ass cheek and with the other one, he tugged at the plug again. He leaned in and slowly licked from Tony's perineum up to his stretched rim. Tony gasped and rocked his hips backwards, looking for more contact. 

Bucky thrust the plug inside Tony a couple of times and tugged again, lapping at his rim repeatedly. Tony was moaning and whining and when he tried to rock his hips backwards again, Bucky spanked his ass, a loud slap echoing in the bathroom. Tony gasped. 

"Fuck." Bucky pulled away. "Sorry if I overstepped." He apologized. 

"Sorry? You are going to be sorry if you don't do it again." Tony said. He sounded desperate. Bucky smirked and landed another slap on Tony's ass cheek, earning another gasp. He pulled out the plug and sucked on it before leaving it on the sink. It tasted like strawberry lube and Tony. He licked his lips and looked at the younger man.

"Fuck, that was hot. Now I have the image burned in my mind." Tony said. He arched his back and spread his legs wider, showing off his gaping hole. Bucky left a few kisses on Tony's red cheek and then lapped at his hole before slowly pushing the tip of his tongue past the ring of muscle. The moan that escaped Tony’s lips was delicious and needy, and Bucky loved it and considered it an encouragement. He started thrusting his tongue, getting more positive responses from his lover, whom was rocking his hips back and pleading. 

 

Bucky pulled away and took the lube package, ripping it open with his teeth, then he slicked his cock and before thrusting inside Tony, he pushed in three fingers that were easily welcomed inside. Bucky lined up with Tony and leaned down to kiss him between the shoulder blades. 

"Ready for me, baby?" Bucky asked and pressed his tip against Tony's entrance. 

"Yes, I'm ready. I want you inside me now." He said and rocked his hips back. Bucky gripped firmly Tony's hips and pushed in. This time it was much easier pushing into Tony than the first time. 

"You prepped for me? Or you just enjoy walking around with a plug up your ass during public events?" He asked and moaned as he bottomed out. He stilled, allowing Tony to adjust. 

"I do enjoy walking around with a dirty secret inside me, but I was planning on getting laid tonight so I shortened the process." Tony said and clenched around Bucky. "You can move now." He said. 

Bucky started thrusting painfully slow. He was obviously teasing Tony, but in doing that, he was also teasing himself. He ran his hands up Tony's back and reached around to take his tie between his fingers. He wrapped it around his hand and pulled at it as he increased the pace, careful not to choke Tony. 

He slapped his ass, leaving behind a beautiful red handprint, and caressed the hot skin to soothe it. He pressed Tony further down, changing the angle and started thrusting hard, hitting his spot repeatedly. Tony was a moaning mess. At one point, Bucky pulled Tony up to his chest and covered his mouth.

"You are being too loud, kitty." 

Tony put his had on the back of Bucky's neck and turned his head to kiss him. Bucky grabbed his hips and started thrusting into him faster, Tony's moans muffled by the kiss. He pushed Tony back down and pulled out almost completely before thrusting back in hard. He repeated that move a few times before picking up the pace he had before, fast and steady. The sound of skin slapping on skin was echoing in the bathroom, and mixed with their moans, it was music to Bucky's ears. He was sweating, his loose strands of hair were sticking to his forehead. He felt like he was running a marathon and the price was an amazing orgasm. 

"Fuck, baby, I'm about to come." Bucky announced. 

"Pull out. Pull out." Tony said. He did as he asked him and soon Tony was on his knees in front of Bucky, stroking and sucking his dick. 

"Fuck, so close." 

Tony kneaded his balls and sucked faster and then pulled away, stuck out his tongue and closed his eyes. Bucky came hard at that sight. Most of his cum ended in Tony's mouth, although there were a few drops on his chin and cheek and one on his lashes. Tony opened his eyes and looked at Bucky as he closed his mouth and swallowed his cum. Then he stuck out his tongue and gathered some of the droplets from his chin. Tony was so fucking obscene, Bucky was sure he could come again with only looking at Tony like that.

Bucky pulled Tony up and licked his chin and cheek, gathering the remaining load and kissed Tony, tasting himself in Tony's mouth. He removed the little drop from his eyelashes before it could get in his eye, and sunk to his knees. 

"How about you fuck my mouth now?" Bucky asked. 

Tony chuckled. "Open your mouth wide, stick your tongue out and say 'aaaa'."

Bucky wheezed. "You are such an idiot." He licked a line up Tony's cock and took it in his mouth, then, he let Tony take the reins. Tony grabbed a handful of Bucky's hair and kept him there while he started moving. Bucky opened his mouth a little wider and relaxed his throat, and then pulled at Tony's hips. Tony took the message and pushed in down his throat. Bucky hummed and Tony moaned at the vibration. He thrust in his mouth a few more times and stopped.

"I'm close. Do I keep going?" He asked. Bucky made a little nod and Tony went back to thrusting, a little bit faster, and came with a groan. 

Bucky looked at Tony and swallowed. He got on his feet and pulled him in for another kiss. "This is the most fun I've ever had." Bucky kissed him again. 

Tony sighed and hugged him, resting his head against his chest. "I almost wish we were in a bed right now. You smell so good. And I'm tired. Why don't we go to my house and cuddle?" Tony asked. 

"Because you are the host and it would be rude if you left the party early." 

Tony looked at Bucky with a raised eyebrow. "I've been gone for at least thirty minutes to get dicked by my date in the bathroom. That is also rude."

"Then get dressed, kitty." 

Tony turned around and Bucky smacked his ass. Tony smirked and handed Bucky the plug. "Will you do the honours of putting it back in?" 

"Actually, no. I want you empty, missing the feeling of me inside you " 

"Why are you so mean?" Tony asked. 

"Because I can." He pecked Tony's lips and started getting dressed. 

When they walked out, Steve was in front of the bathroom, chatting with Pepper. They both looked at them and raised an eyebrow.

"You guys have no shame." Pepper said and shook her head. She took out of her purse a foundation bottle and a compact powder and approached Tony. "You have a massive hickey. Let me cover it." 

"You are an angel." Tony said. 

"Be careful, Pepper. He might burp in your face." 

Tony gaped and turned around to look at Bucky. "How many times do I have to say I'm sorry before you let it go?" Tony asked.

"I will never let that go. It hurt my feelings." 

Pepper and Steve looked confused. "The other day I went to kiss Tony when he said I was an angel and he burped in my face." Bucky explained.

Steve snorted and Pepper tried to hold her laughter.

After Pepper covered Tony's hickey, they went back to where the guests were. The DJ announced that it was time for the real party and he played a remix of "This is Halloween" and "Spooky scary skeletons" to give foot to the party.

They arrived at Tony's house around four in the morning. During the limo ride, they couldn't keep their hands off each other, and as soon as the bedroom door closed, they fell into bed and went for the second round. 

 

The next two weeks, Tony and Bucky went on two more dates. The first one, which was the same week as the Halloween party, Bucky took Tony bowling and then to an amusement park. Bucky won a huge teddy bear for Tony, and they shared cotton candy. Then, they got on the Ferris Wheel and Tony was cliché enough to kiss him when they were at the top. Bucky decided to keep the night PG, so they played a random Disney movie and cuddled in bed. 

On their fifth date, Tony went to Bucky's house. It was a Thursday, but none of them were working the next day. Steve wasn't home either, so they had the house for themselves. Tony surprised him when he said he was going to be the chef. 

"Do you want me to help you with something?" Bucky asked. 

"No, I want to do it myself." He kissed Bucky and smiled. "Thanks though." 

Bucky smiled. "Sure, baby." 

Bucky was proud of Tony. Five months ago, he barely knew how to fry an egg, but after a lot of practice, he had learned to cook and now he was making Risotto for dinner. 

When Bucky tried the risotto, he had a Ratatouille moment where he saw sparks and fireworks. 

"Fuck, this is delicious. I'm speechless. When did you learn to cook this?" Bucky asked. 

"Well I found the recipe a week ago but today was the first time I made this dish." He said and blushed. 

"Anthony Edward Stark, I'm so proud of you." Bucky took his hand and smiled. 

"Thank you, babe." Tony smiled and kissed Bucky’s hand.

They finished eating and cleaned up before moving to Bucky’s bedroom. Tony cuddled up on Bucky’s side and Bucky felt his heart flutter. He had gotten very lucky with Tony, and he knew he wanted to give that man the world. 

 

The next morning, he woke up when the doorbell rang. He wondered if Steve had left his keys at home. He gently unwrapped Tony from his body and got up to see who it was. He looked through the peephole and saw T'Challa standing there. 

"What the hell?" He opened the door. "Challa, what are you doing here, brother?" Bucky asked. "And don't get me wrong, I'm happy to see you, I just wasn't expecting you." 

"It's okay. I came bearing gifts." T'Challa said and suddenly Imani and Jojo jumped from behind T'Challa, saying "Boo". 

Bucky acted like he had gotten the biggest scare of his life and then got on his knees to hug his girls. 

"Imani! Jojo! What are you doing here?" Bucky asked. 

"Mom finally let us come to America with her and we wanted to surprise you." Imani said. 

"Well you did surprise me! It is so good seeing you two!" Bucky said and hugged them again. "Do you want breakfast?" Bucky asked. The girls cheered and went running to the kitchen. "Come in, Challa." 

T'Challa came in and hugged Bucky. "Afia is on her way. Jojo forgot her glasses at the gas station and she went to pick them up." 

"How is she doing since the death of her husband? I wanted to be at the funeral but I was told about his passing like a week after it happened." He said. 

"She is staying strong. You know how she is, Dora Milajes in general, they don't let you see their emotions. Besides, the girls have been very sad and confused for the last month so she feels like it wouldn't help to be sad." 

They walked into the kitchen and Bucky sent the girls to watch TV so he and T'Challa could talk without them hearing the conversation. 

"My sister and I were even younger when my mom died. We were very confused and wouldn't understand why mom was never coming back. It's going to be hard on them for a while but eventually they'll understand." 

He pulled out ingredients for crepes, then started the coffee machine and made the girls some hot chocolate that Bucky had left from the night Tony asked him out. 

"So did you come on business or something?" Bucky asked as he mixed the ingredients.

"No. Afia and I thought that it would do good for the girls to see you and that's why we came. I hope we aren't intruding." T'Challa said. 

"You aren't. You are always welcomed here." 

"Thank you brother." 

"Is that Iron Man?" He heard Imani ask. And then Bucky remembered that Tony had stayed the night. And that he was going to have a very happy six year old clinging to him all week. Unlike every other Wakandan kid, Imani's favourite superhero was Iron Man and not Black Panther. 

Bucky chuckled when she threw herself in Tony's arms and he lifted her up. "Hey squirrel, what's your name?" Tony asked. 

"I'm Imani!" She said overly excited. "And I love you Iron Man." 

The smile on Tony's face when the kid hugged him melted Bucky's heart. 

"Well thank you. James has told me so much about you that I feel like I already know you." 

"Who is James?" Imani asked confused. 

"Oh right, Bucky's real name is James." 

Imani looked at him betrayed. "Why did you give me a fake name?"

Bucky walked towards her and took her from Tony's arms. "I didn't lie to you. Everybody calls me Bucky, so that is the name I go by. Only Tony calls me James but that's because he's special." 

"Ooooooo! Is Tony your special boyfriend?" 

"Did I ever say he was my boyfriend?" Imani shook her head. "Then don't make things up. Now go back to watch TV while we make breakfast." 

"Okaaaaaay" Imani said and Bucky put her down. She hugged Tony's legs before going back to the couch. 

"Jojo is the shy one so she won't come to you until she knows you." Bucky said and went back to the kitchen. He poured coffee for Tony and handed him the mug. 

"Thank you sugar." Tony said and pecked Bucky on the lips. 

Bucky looked at T'Challa, who was looking at them with a raised eyebrow. 

"What?" Bucky asked.

"The last time I saw you two, you were trying to kill each other. This is new." 

"Well things change, Hello Kitty." Tony said and took a sip of coffee. 

"I'm not saying anything. I'm happy that you worked out your problems." 

"Trust me, we are happier." Bucky smiled and kissed Tony's forehead before going back to making breakfast. 

 

The girls wanted to see the statue of Liberty, so after breakfast, they took them to New York. Imani was clinging to Tony all of the time, asking him about his suit. 

"And how do you pee?" She asked. 

"I don't." Tony answered. 

"But what if you really have to pee really badly?" She asked. 

"Well I hold it in." 

"And what if you accidentally pee yourself in your suit? Does it stop working?" 

Bucky almost choked on his drink. 

"I've never tried it, but I guess that if I did pee myself, the suit would keep working." 

She looked at Bucky and Tony. They were absentmindedly holding hands. 

"You are holding hands." She said. 

"Yes we are, so?" Bucky asked. 

"So do you also cuddle?" She asked.

"We do." Tony said. 

"And I saw you kiss this morning. You are boyfriends." She said with a smile. 

"No we aren-" Tony started saying but Imani started running towards her mom and sister singing 'Bucky and Tony sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G' 

Bucky laughed and sat on a bench facing the water. Tony sat next to him and rested his hand on Bucky's knee. 

"You know, I've been thinking about us lately." Bucky said. 

"About what?" Tony asked with a raised eyebrow. 

"About our relationship." He took Tony's hand and kissed it. "I think we are good together. I mean, you make me happy. There is no other person I feel more comfortable with than with you. Not even Steve, and that's a big deal having in mind that I've known him for ninety four years. And you know, we've been spending a lot of time together lately and getting intimate and we've already left our toothbrushes at each others' houses." 

"I also have a pair of clean undies in one of your drawers." Tony said. 

"Wait, you do?" Bucky asked. 

"Yes, in the night stand on my side of the bed. Anyways, you were making a point." 

"Okay, yeah. The point was, that we are good together. And Tony, I would really love it if you said yes to being my boyfriend." Bucky finished and bit his lip. 

Tony smiled and kissed him. "I'd love to be your boyfriend." 

"Really?" Bucky asked. 

"Really." Tony leaned in and kissed him again. 

Bucky's heart was beating out of his chest. He had the most incredible man on earth in front of him, and he was Bucky's boyfriend. 

Bucky thanked the universe. After seventy years of torture, he was finally recovering and smiling more often. He had a group of friends that were like family, and the man he had slowly fallen in love with was his. He was happy, and that was a feeling that he thought had died the day he fell. 

 

T'Challa, Afia and the kids were staying for a week, which meant they were going to be home for Thanksgiving. Bucky started planning the perfect dinner and calculating how many people were going to attend. 

He counted seventeen people including himself, so he either had to get a giant turkey or two normal sized ones. Tony offered his house for the dinner, which was a big relief because his apartment was big, but it couldn't fit that many people. 

"Baby, there are literally four days left till thanksgiving. Why do you want to go shopping now for the turkey? You still have time." 

"No, Tony. I don't. Turkeys normally sell out pretty fast so I want to be safe, not sorry. Are you going to come with me or are you going to lay in bed?" He asked as he put on his underwear and jeans. 

"I was thinking of cuddling in bed with you till eleven, when it was time to pick up the kids to show them around, but I'll go with you. I don't want you to have a breakdown over which type of potatoes is better for the mashed potatoes." He got up with a groan and put his hand on his lower back. "I'm getting too old for the acrobatics we did last night." 

Bucky chuckled and put on his shirt. "I was the one doing all of the work." 

"And you did it perfectly." Tony finished getting dressed and put on his red scarf. 

"It's adorable that you still wear that." 

"You made it for me. I wear it with pride." He got on his tiptoes and kissed Bucky. "Besides, it warms me up." 

"I forgot that you are a kitten that requires being cozy." 

They ate breakfast in a bakery near Central Park and went to the farmer's market. They bought some goat cheese, honey for Tony, fresh vegetables and fruits. 

"James, I have a question. How did you learn to cook if you were too poor back in the 30's and brainwashed for seventy years?" Tony asked. 

"That is a good question." He took Tony's hand in his as they walked. "I did have money for food, just not for fancy food. I used to cook for Bexie and Steve, so part of my knowledge comes from there. Then, when I was running from everything, I ended up in a shop that sells food to go, so I had to cook a lot of different meals. I learned most of my cooking there. The coolest part of working there, though, was that I didn't have to worry about what to eat because we would take the leftovers home. And when I came back a year ago and started working in my own business, I had enough money to perfect my cooking." 

"I feel like such an asshole. I've always had money so I never really appreciated being able to buy food and enjoy the pleasure of cooking it. And meanwhile, here you are, a guy that has had money problems for most of his life, cooking better than the best five star chef I've ever hired. I am tired of taking things for granted." 

"For what it's worth, as long as we're together I'll teach you how to cook and how to enjoy the simple pleasures in life." 

Tony stopped in front of the car and looked at Bucky. "What did I do right to deserve you, James?" 

"That's the question I ask myself every day." Bucky hugged his boyfriend and kissed the top of his head. 

 

The days prior to Thanksgiving were rainy, so Bucky couldn't take the girls to that many places. Instead, Tony had taken them to a toy store and bought them board games and all of the toys the girls wanted and they would spend the day playing inside. 

Bucky was cuddling with Steve on the couch once he had put the turkeys in the oven, resting a little bit before he continued cooking, and watched Tony and the girls play. Imani turned his boyfriend into Iron Princess and they had tea together. Bucky chuckled when Jojo put makeup on Tony. He looked like a hungover Natsha after sleeping with her makeup on. He took out his phone and snapped a pic, then set it as his home screen. 

Tony had insisted to help Bucky with the mashed potatoes and the pumpkin pie, and they spent the rest of the day cooking together. When he tried Tony's Mashed potatoes, he let out a moan. 

"God, you are getting better at cooking every single day. What did you put in these? They taste amazing." 

"I decided to use cream instead of milk." 

"Look at you, starting to have initiative. I'm proud of you, Mr Stark." He leaned down and kissed him.

Steve took the girls to the parade while Bucky and Tony finished preparing the food. They set the table and got into the shower. Bucky washed Tony's back while Tony rubbed at his face, trying to take the makeup off, which actually made him look even worse, like a mix between a panda and a homeless racoon. Bucky wrapped a towel around his waist and ran to the kitchen to get the coconut oil and then returned to the bathroom. After a few tries, Tony managed to take off the makeup. 

Bucky dried his hair quickly and put it in a bun, and then got dressed in a suit, which was Tony's petition. Bucky chuckled when he saw his boyfriend putting back on the princess tiara. 

"It suits me." He said and went to the door to greet their first guest. 

Despite telling them not to bring anything, no one came empty handed. Even Clint brought a dish with him, which was a pretty rare thing. 

They all gathered around the table and before eating, they started giving thanks. 

"I want to give thanks for getting my life back. I want to give thanks for my friends, whom have become my family, and thanks for the people who remind me of what happiness feels like." Bucky said and looked at Tony with a smile. 

Maybe for once, something in his life could go well.


	7. Everything's okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am back! I have been studying like crazy and I didn't have much time to edit and post, but now I am back, stronger than ever and determined to finish this book as soon as possible. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It is a short and (mostly) sweet chapter :)

It was the sixteenth of December. Tony almost dragged himself out of bed. He hated his parents’ death anniversary. It always felt so cold and lonely. He missed his mom and he even missed his dad, and that was saying a lot.

He put on his best suit and an overcoat, then took his scarf and put it on. James refused to sleep in Tony’s house. He didn’t say why, but Tony wasn’t stupid. He knew James would be having nightmares and having Tony there would probably cause him a few anxiety attacks. It annoyed Tony a little bit because he was his boyfriend after all, and them being separated on the anniversary wasn’t going to be of much help, especially if their relationship was going to be long term.

He sighed. One step at a time.

Pepper had been thoughtful enough as to order flowers, so Tony grabbed them from the counter and smiled at her little note. He kissed the paper and put it in his breast pocket, next to his heart, so he could feel her close and not be alone.

He went to the garage and took his father’s old car from the late 40´s . He got in with a sigh and started the engine, driving off.

It was a long trip so he had time to think. His parents were dead because of his boyfriend. Tony had obviously forgiven him for that, but apparently James was still blaming himself. He wished he could talk to his parents about him and actually hear their opinion. He wondered if his father understood that James was under heavy brainwashing and if he forgave him for what he did, and then he wondered if his parents would be disappointed in him. Disappointment. That is something he was used to coming from his father, but he didn’t know if he could handle it from his mom.

Tony shook those thoughts from his head. Thinking about what the dead would think was only going to hold him down and actually make him insecure. They were gone. And that was it. He wanted to focus on his future without doubting himself.

He parked the car, took the flowers and walked towards the Stark mausoleum. He took a deep breath and pushed the door open. It was freezing inside.

He left the flowers on his parents’ niche and sighed.

“Hi mom and dad. How are you doing? Well, I mean, as good as dead people can be doing. Okay, that was horrible. Sorry. I’m nervous. I’ve been up to a lot of things this year. So, I had the idea of making medical equipment for the military, with nanites, you know? I like challenging myself, so I started planning a portable OR for warzones. It’s still on the planning process, but I think I can achieve it if I work hard enough.

“ I also got into a relationship. Today marks one month since we started dating. You already know Bucky, dad. I just wish there were a way for me to know that you understand that whatever happened that night wasn’t his fault. He is an amazing man, and he admired you so much. He was brainwashed by Hydra. I didn’t know the man he was before, I only know the man he is now, and I can tell you he isn’t the happiest person ever. He lives with so many regrets, I wish I could make them all disappear. He hasn’t forgiven himself for what he did to you and mom, even when I tell him I’m okay with that, it’s like it doesn’t help him at all. I wonder if it would help him if he knew I love him.” Tony went silent for a while.

“He is all the family I got right now. I just wish I knew how to ease his mind.” He looked at his parents’ graves and sighed. “Anyways, I’m going to go to church to light a candle for you two. It’s freezing in here and I will end up getting sick. I love you, guys. Thanks for being such great listeners.” He kissed his fingers and placed them on his mom’s stone. “By the way, mom, I started cooking. You’d be proud of me.” He smiled and left after a few more moments of silently looking at their tombstones. .

He dropped by the little chapel in the graveyard and lit a candle for his parents to find their way, or whatever those candles were for. Tony didn’t pay much attention to the sermons in church. He sat on a bench and looked at the huge cross. God. Someone Tony never believed in. Well, he did when he was a little kid because his mom was very religious, but once Tony was smart enough and started understanding the shit that was going around in the world, he stopped believing in Him. But still, Tony let out a small prayer and got up to leave and go back home. It was noon and his stomach was growling.

 

Tony texted James, but he didn’t reply. He figured he was busy so he didn’t send him more messages. He didn’t want to be annoying or seem too pushy. He understood that today was a hard day for him too, but he kinda wished he’d walk through the door carrying baked goods and hot chocolate. What was scary was that a tiny part of him didn’t want to see him. Seeing him would open old wounds and he’d feel betrayed and broken again. He shook his head and started cooking to take his mind off negative thoughts.

After lunch he answered some emails and started going through his notes on his new project. He didn’t know how he was supposed to achieve the final result. He had everything planned but he wondered if it would really work or if it was just a waste of time. He archived that project and decided to take a walk.

It was a cold day, but the cool air was helping him clear his head. His phone buzzed and he looked at it. It was James apologizing about not answering sooner.

_Tony: Wanna hang out?_

_James: I’m kinda busy right now, sorry._

_Tony nodded._

_Tony: Okay._

He put his phone back in his pocket and continued walking. He had no destination, really. He was just walking around and distracting himself with boring trees and cute animals. His phone buzzed again.

_James: You okay?_

_Tony: I’m great._

_James: Doesn’t sound like it._

_Tony: How could you possibly know how I sound over text messages?_

_James: Nevermind. Are you home?_

_Tony: No._

 

After a while, he walked back home. When he got into the house, he was greeted by a … dog?

“What?” He grabbed the dog and looked at it. It was a Golden Retriever puppy. He searched for the name tag but there wasn’t one. “Who do you belong to, buddy? And most importantly, how did you get in my house?”

“He followed me here.” James leaned on the door frame. “I texted you a few times and you didn’t answer and I got worried. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You are the one who didn’t text back first.”

“I was in court.”

Tony almost dropped the puppy. He clutched it to his chest to secure him and looked at James.

“I didn’t know you had to go into court. I thought you were redeemed.”

“I was called in last minute. They had a Hydra head and well… I’m pretty much the only witness alive that they could call in.”

“And how did it go?”

“It went… I don’t know. I had to leave the courtroom. I was overwhelmed and about to have a panic attack and the only place I felt safe was here. And on my way I gave a stray dog a piece of my bagel and well... Yeah, now I have a dog.”

Tony didn’t know what to say. “Okay I had a weird day as well and little Stevie here is making it better.”

“We are not calling the dog Steve.”

“We are totally calling him Steve. Do you like your name, Steve?” He asked the dog and got his face licked. “Yup, we are definitely calling him Steve.”

James laughed. “Well I mean the dog is theoretically my dog, so the name decision is mine to make.”

“Not a chance. I call this our first love child and I want shared custody.” Tony pouted at James and batted his eyelashes.

James sighed. “Okay. But you are explaining the name choice to Steve.” He smiled at the dog and then he looked at Tony. His smile dropped and he was suddenly all sad. “How did it go?”

Tony walked towards the sofa and sat down. James took the place next to him and placed his arm around Tony’s shoulders, pulling him close.

“I’m going to be honest. It sucked. I hate going to the graveyard. Especially because they are buried in a mausoleum and it’s cold and lonely and everything echoes in it. But it didn’t hurt. I actually feel kinda better now that I’ve talked to them. How about you?”

“Well, I woke up from a nightmare where I choked you to death and jumped into another nightmare where I had to go through all of the shit that Hydra did to me and made me do. I am officially cancelling this day.”

“I’m sorry. Anything I can do to make you feel better?”

James looked at him and petted his hair with a small smile. “Anything I can do for you? We both had a bad day, so I believe we both deserve some care..”

Tony thought for a while while petting the dog in his lap. “How about we give each other a facial?”

“Not in front of the child, Tony.”

“What? Oh! No no no, not that type of facial. I meant face masks, aromatherapy, a massage. You know what I mean? I mean as much as I enjoy the other type of facial I doubt I’d be able to get it up today.”

James chuckled. “Okay. Well, drop the parasite, take your shirt off and lay down. I’m going to go fetch some massage oil.”

“Don’t call our son a parasite. That is mean.” Tony laughed and put the dog on the ground. He’d have to go on a dog bed and accessories shopping spree.

He was joking about the dog being their love child, but he was dead serious with the idea of having a child with James. When they went to Wakanda for a week, Tony found himself fantasizing about having a family with James after seeing him so cute and cozy with the kids. He didn’t mind that fantasy. James really had become Tony’s family, and he loved him. It obviously was way too early to be thinking of having kids. He himself wasn’t prepared to be a father. But it was nice imagining James having a little princess with Tony.

James came back with the massage oil and started working on Tony’s back. When he was finished, he felt all of his tension leave his body. He gave James a massage as well and they put on a face mask and chilled while watching GasMonkey.

 

There was a week left to Christmas and James was helping Tony decorate the house. He brought Dumbo with him, dressed as an elf. They decided that naming the dog Steve was mean so they settled on Dumbo because the damn dog had huge ears.

Tony found a branch of Mistletoe and put it over his head.

“Oh Jamie, you owe me a kiss.”

James chuckled and pulled Tony by the waist. He leaned down and kissed him sweetly. He then left a few more kisses on his neck and then bit his earlobe. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” He whispered into his ear.

Tony’s legs felt like gelatin and his heart was suddenly racing. He decided to play it cool.

“No, I don’t remember you ever saying that you love me.”

“Hm, my bad.” James placed his hands on Tony’s cheeks and looked him in the eyes. “I love you, Anthony Edward Stark.”

Tony smiled wide and kissed his boyfriend. “I love you too, James Buchanan Barnes.”

It felt so good to finally be able to say those words, and to hear them back. He felt like he could fly, that’s how happy he was. He kissed his boyfriend again, this time more passionately. James let out a small moan and started pushing Tony towards the couch. Tony was walking backwards so he didn’t see the dog, and ended up stepping on it’s paw.

He pulled away from James and picked the puppy up to examine the paws. He didn’t whine or cry whenever Tony touched them so he let out a relieved breath and put Dumbo back down.

“We are going to accidentally kill the dog.” Tony said and picked up a Christmas ornament.

“Don’t worry. In a few months he will be bigger than you, little finger.”

“Oh get fucked James. I’m not that much shorter than you.”

“That’s because you wear heels. Don’t act like I haven’t seen them. Just because I am horny and caught in the moment whenever I undress you doesn’t mean I don’t pay attention to the little details.”

“There is nothing to be ashamed of. Women also wear heels. Why can’t men wear them as well?” Tony said and hung an ornament from his boyfriend’s ear.

“I never said men can’t wear heels, you idiot.” James booped his nose. “But I personally like you at your normal, barefoot height. You fit perfectly under my arm.”

“That’s because my mamma made me fun sized.”

James laughed and shook his head.

“You sure are fun, honey.” He took the star and handed it to Tony. “Will you do the honour?” He asked.

“Sure!” He took the star and turned to the tree.

“Do you want me to bring you a stepping stool?”

“Okay, that’s it. Three weeks with no sex.”

“Honey, I spent seventy years without sex. I can take it. The question is, will you?”

“I’m pretty sure I will. I went four months breathing the sexual tension between the two of us and didn’t make a move, so I’ll be fine.”

They finished decorating the tree and moved to the house. They decided to do only the kitchen, the common area where they would be holding the Christmas Eve dinner and Tony’s room. James was a lot of fun to be around when there were carols playing. He would sing along and dance like a dork. At one point, Tony ended up in between James’ arms, the both of them dancing and singing.

He liked that part of James. He seemed younger, more cheerful and lighthearted, unlike the man he had met the fourth of July. Sadly, James still had to fight with a lot of demons daily. The day of his parents’ anniversary, James had told him he had a bad nightmare again where he killed his parents and then went to look for Tony and strangle him. Honestly. that unsettled him a lot. It was a very twisted dream and Tony was happy as hell he wasn’t sleeping next to James that day, because who knew what would’ve happened. But he trusted him.

Tony also noticed some of James’ habits, like the way he ate. Normally, James loved eating, but there were days where he was either reluctant to eat, especially when someone cooked for him, or he ate like if it was the first time he’d seen food in a long time or the last time he would have a meal. Those were some things that Tony could tolerate, though. He was sure that with a little bit of time and patience, they would work things out.

They decorated Tony’s room last, and somehow, James lured Tony into bed like Satan lured Eve to eat the apple… Or maybe Tony was the one who initiated things but didn’t want to admit it because it would mean he broke his own punishment.

 

Tony and James had prepared most of the things the night before Christmas Eve, so all they had to do was bake the chicken (Tony hated turkey and Thanksgiving was the only time he ate it) and prepare the desserts.

Their guests started arriving in little groups and each one of them carried gifts and a duffle bag with clothes. Tony didn’t know it, but James had changed the invitations the last second and had written that it was mandatory to bring a onesie for a sleepover. He had only discovered that piece of information when two days ago he had caught his boyfriend trying on a reindeer onesie.

Pepper walked into the kitchen and gave James a kiss on the cheek before hugging Tony.

“I’m so glad you started dating James. He makes us do so many fun things.” Pepper said and brushed off the mark of red lipstick she had left on his boyfriend’s cheek.

“I’m also fun!” Tony protested.

Pepper raised her eyebrow. “I would really love to argue with you, but the Christmas spirit is hitting me hard this year so I’m going to be nice.” She said and took out a bottle of wine to pour a glass for herself.

After all of the guests had arrived, they sat in the dining room and started eating. It was nice having everyone there. The last two Christmas celebrations, Tony had spent them alone with Rhodey, but this time he had all of the Avengers, Pepper, Rhodey, Wanda, Sam, Sharon and his James. It was all that Tony ever wanted, a happy family.

He watched fondly as his friends interacted and smiled. Steve and James were tipsy with the Asgardian Mead Thor had brought, and it was fun watching them say nonsense. Natasha, Sharon and Pepper were in a heated discussion, he didn’t know what was it about but it seemed interesting. Wanda and Sam played with Dumbo and Rhodey and Bruce were with Tony. Bruce was telling them stories about when he was the Hulk in Sakaar.

James clapped his hands and called everyone’s attention. “Listen up, people. Go get changed in your onesies, we are going to slumber party!”

Everyone cheered and picked up their onesies. The girls went to the bathroom to get changed and the guys went to Tony’s room.

“I’m glad I don’t have a black light. Who knows what type of things we’d find in this bedroom.” Rhodey said as he pulled off his pants, balancing himself on one leg. Tony took that opportunity to push Rhodey and his best friend fell to the floor.

“Jealous much?” He asked and helped Rhodey up.

“I’d say more disgusted than jealous. Is that a condom?” Clint pointed between the bed and the night stand.

“We don’t use those.” James answered. “But good try.”

“Can we stop talking about their sex life? I don’t want you to trick them into confessing they have a sex dungeon or something like that.” Steve said.

“We don’t have one, unlike you, Steve.” Tony teased and pulled his shirt off.

“Those are stupid rumours and I don’t even know who started them.”

“The internet, my friend. It’s a wonderful place.” Sam said, using air quotations.

“That is why we don’t have that in Asgard.” Thor added and shrugged.

“So we can all agree that I don’t have a sex dungeon.” Steve said.

“Sure, Cap. Calm down. We like teasing you.” Bruce smiled reassuringly.

They finished getting dressed and went to the living room. Tony glared at Steve when he saw he was putting on an Iron Man onesie, but a boy could dream to be half as cool as Tony was. The girls were wearing matching unicorn onesies and it was really cute, especially how Natasha was blushing. She wasn’t much into girly things, but when she did get all girly, she usually blushed like a pure virgin.

They played board games and a round of truth or dare, but keeping it PG. James got up and stole the girls to take them to the kitchen. He saw Sharon, Wanda and Nat putting desserts on trays and taking out mugs, but Pepper and James were nowhere to be found. He shrugged and went back to listening to Thor playing the guitar.

The girls and James walked into the living room and handed each one of them a mug with hot chocolate and placed the trays of desserts on the coffee table. They all gathered around it and ate. After a while, Pepper got up and went to the TV to play Home Alone. Tony felt like protesting, he had seen that movie a million times already, but he decided to let Pepper watch whatever she wanted and in the meantime he distracted himself by kissing with his boyfriend.

Tony didn’t remember falling asleep. He woke up in his bed with James’ head on his chest. He looked down and smiled at him.

“You’re staring.” James said and Tony smiled, recalling the first time ever he heard James say those words. Who would’ve told they would end up like this?

“Well you are my Christmas present and I can’t wait to play with you.” Tony wiggled his eyebrows.

“Is that so?” James started leaving kisses down Tony’s chest, nipping at his skin and caressing his sides. He got on his hands and knees and hovered over Tony. He kissed his lips, then his neck and started going down on him. Just as James was about to take off his boxers, Wanda ran by their room yelling “presents” repeatedly.

Tony chuckled and got up, putting on his pajamas and walking out of his room. James followed him and they went to the kitchen to get the coffee pot started.

Nat was sitting on the counter, her head placed on Clint’s shoulder, and he was feeding her some apple strudel.

“Good morning everyone.” Tony said and kicked one of Dumbo’s toys. Dumbo ran to get the toy and brought it to Tony. The puppy was obviously in the mood for playing. He threw the toy again and grabbed a mug. Someone had loaded the dishwasher the previous night, and Tony was grateful for that.

After everyone had coffee and ate breakfast, they sat around the Christmas tree to open their presents. Wanda had made a photo album for each one of them and Tony was impressed. It was a nice leather album and inside she made it look like a scrapbook. He hugged her and thanked her.

What he loved about these presents was that they were personal. Everyone had put thought into them and it was the nicest way of showing people that they cared about them. Tony knew each one of his friends well enough as to buy them something meaningful.

James opened his present and smiled. “I understand the book, but what are these posters?” He asked.

“One of them is a beer poster from all around the world, and the other one is a poster of the globe. They are made from the scratch material, so every time you visit a country or try a different beer, you scratch it off the poster. It’s my most subtle way of telling you I want to travel the world with you.” Tony whispered in his boyfriend’s ear.

“Well I hope the states of America are also scratchable, because it’s your present’s turn.” Pepper said and stood up. James and Rhodey stood up as well and James offered a hand for Tony to take. Tony took it and his boyfriend helped him up.

“Where are we going?” He asked.

“To your garage.” Pepper smiled and started walking. The three of them followed her and when he got into the garage, he was both confused and excited.

“What is the impala doing here?” He asked.

“It’s a Christmas gift from me, Rhodey and James.”

“I don’t understand. You bought this car for me?”

“I did. Well, my plan was to buy you a brand new Impala, but then I found this one on the internet and it was a mess and I figured you’d enjoy your car even more if you worked on it yourself. That is why I took it to Bucky’s shop.”

Tony looked at his boyfriend. “So you knew about this?”

“Pep only told me a month ago, so I was pretty much clueless the rest of the time. I didn’t know it was for you.”

“Guys, this is the best present ever. I don’t deserve it.”

“Damn right you don’t, you asshole.” Rhodey joked and pulled him in for a hug. Tony hugged him back and then went to hug Pepper.

“You are the best friends a man can ask for.” He said.

“We know.” Pepper said with a smile. “So, aren’t you going to take it for a spin?” She asked.

“Sure! Hop in, guys.”

Tony was pretty sure that if someone had paid attention to the inside of the car, they would’ve laughed at four grown ass people riding in animal onesies. They took a quick spin and then went back home.

“I am seriously so grateful for this. But you didn’t have to spend so much money on my present.” Tony said.

“Tony, just enjoy the car, man. Don’t overthink it. It’s something that we wanted to do for you.” Rhodey said and gave a reassuring squeeze on Tony’s shoulder.

Tony smiled and pulled the three of them into a group hug.

***

It was Valentine’s Day. Tony and James didn’t have anything special planned, so they just improvised.

They had a nice breakfast at home and then decided to take Dumbo out for a walk. Tony insisted to go take the walk on the beach since the day was nice, and James, after playing tough for a while, ended up accepting the offer.

James let Dumbo run free and they sat on a little bench, watching as the Stupid Retriever chased some birds.

“So, how was the last court hearing?” Tony asked. James had been going as a witness in a case against a Hydra head since December, and he had his last hearing the day before.

“It went well. They asked me the same questions as always. I’m getting tired of repeating myself to be honest. I’m ready to close this chapter of my life and move on.” James said.

In the months they had spent together, they had been going to therapy on their own and eventually on a couple’s therapy to work on their common trauma and on their trust issues. It wasn’t that Tony didn’t trust James, it was his boyfriend who didn’t trust himself, and he wanted to fix that. One of the things that came up often was James’ nightmares and ever since he started getting a professional’s opinion, James had stopped dreaming that he killed Tony.

They were making a lot of progress and he definitely saw his boyfriend much happier than he’d been seven months ago.

“I’m happy that they are finally closing the case. The only bad thing is that it took them so long to do so.” Tony said and rested his head on James’ shoulder.

“It’s over now, baby.” He smiled and kissed the top of Tony’s head.

After a while, they went to James’ house to leave the dog so they could go to a Spanish restaurant and have lunch. While scrolling through instagram, Tony saw a trailer of a movie that seemed hilarious so they ended up going to the cinema.

They had agreed not to get gifts for each other for Valentine’s Day, but Tony couldn’t help it. After thinking about it for a long time, he decided that he wanted to live with James, and at the end of the night, he was going to ask him to move in with him.

“I have to go to the garage to pick up some documents Luis left for me, will you come?” James asked.

“Of course.” Tony said and took his boyfriend’s hand.

He thought he was being paranoid, because he had the feeling that somebody was following them, but every time he turned around, there was no one behind them. He shrugged and continued walking, talking with James about the improvements he wanted to make on his garage.

Tony waited for James in front of the register. He had that feeling that someone was watching him again. The power suddenly went out and he felt a sharp pain on his head. The last thing he remembered was falling on the ground, his sight blurry.


	8. Safe word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: Anxiety attacks, mention of suicide , mention of self harm, mention of torture.

Tony woke up feeling lightheaded and nauseous. He knew that he probably had a concussion, so he got up slowly, trying not to make sudden moves. He remembered feeling like someone was watching them and then the sharp pain on his head. Tony reached to the back of his scalp and touched it. He hissed at the sharp pain there. When he looked at his hand, it was covered in blood.

He reached for a cloth that was on the register. It was clean enough. He placed it on his bloody head and slowly made his way into the office. He reached to tap on his arc reactor, but it wasn’t there. He suddenly felt panic. He looked around and saw it on the ground. someone had ripped it off his chest and broken it.

Tony took a deep shaky breath and went into the office to see if his boyfriend was alright. There was a man laying on the floor. Tony rushed to the body, but it wasn’t his James. It was another man. He had bruises around his neck and his skin was cold. He was probably choked to death. He looked around the office, trying to find James, then he ran into the garage and finally into the working area. There was no trace of James, only a big puddle of blood.

Tony grabbed his phone from his back pocket. It was weird that whoever came here didn’t take his personal belongings. He dialed James, but there was no answer. He tried again, but there was still no answer. He opened his contacts list and called Steve.

“Hey Tony, what’s up?” Steve asked with a sleepy voice.

“Tell FRIDAY to notify everyone and to come to the Garage. Something happened, Steve. I was attacked and James is missing.”

The line went silent for a while. There was a soft mumble and a female’s voice and then tapping on the screen. “I just sent them a group text. Sharon and I are on our way.”

Tony hung up and sat on the floor, directly in front of the puddle of blood. His head went through different case scenarios. He prayed that the blood on the floor wasn’t James’, and then he started going over what happened in his head.

The only sound in the garage was the echo of Tony’s sobs. He was hyperventilating, trying to catch his breath and relax before the anxiety of what had just happened turned into a panic attack. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them tight. His body felt tense, and it was shaking like a leaf in the cold winter wind.

The door to the garage opened, but Tony didn’t move. He was paralyzed.

“Tony?” Sharon asked. A few sets of footsteps followed behind and he could see shadows. “Tony, where are you?” Sharon asked again and when she finally saw Tony, she fell to her knees in front of him and placed a hand on his knee. “What happened?”

Tony couldn’t bring himself to talk. He took the cloth off the back of his head and showed it to her. It was all bloody and Sharon gasped.

“Bruce, come here, Tony is hurt.” She said and got on her feet.

Bruce walked over and him and Sharon exchanged a few words before she disappeared. Bruce went behind Tony and leaned down to take a look at the wound on his head, then he kneeled in front of Tony and took out his flashlight/pen out of his pocket and flashed it into Tony's eyes. He flinched at the light. It hurt his head even more.

"How did you get that wound on your head?" Bruce asked.

"I was- I was hit." Tony said.

"Do you feel lightheaded?"

Tony nodded.

"Buzzing in your ears? Nausea? Headache?"

"Yes. And my vision is blurry." Tony said.

"We need to take you to a hospital. I'm pretty sure you have a concussion."

Tony shook his head.

"Tony this isn't the time to be stubborn. Hospital first and then you will tell us what happened. I can go with you and the rest can stay here." Bruce said.

"Can Ronnie and Sam come as well?" Tony asked. In the last months, Sam and Sharon had become very good friends of Tony's and he felt safe with them.

"Sure, they can come as well." Bruce offered him his hand and Tony took it.

Bruce was very careful when getting Tony up, probably so Tony didn't faint or something. After that, Bruce called an ambulance to take them to the hospital.

Sharon never left his side. She was either holding his hand in the ambulance or sitting at the edge of the bed petting his hair. The only moment he was left alone was when they put him in the MRI machine to make sure there was no swelling in his head or a haemorrhage.

The doctors stitched his wound and connected him to a few systems. Tony didn't want to be in a hospital bed. Not when he could be helping, but the doctors were pretty serious when they told him he had to be in observation.

Sharon was curled up next to Tony, fast asleep. She had insisted that the chair was fine, that she could sleep there, but Tony wouldn't have that and after a long argument, Sharon gave up and got into the bed. The only other person in the room was Sam. Bruce was getting something for them to eat. Sam was sitting on the chair closest to the bed and holding Tony's hand. He was looking at the wall, lost in thought.

“I told you.” Tony whispered.

“You told me what?” Sam was confused.

“My fear. Whenever I am happy, something bad happens.”

Sam didn’t say anything.

“I was happy with James for four months. And then this happens. I get attacked and he disappears.”

“Tony… we will find Bucky.”

“Yeah. How will we find him and in what state is he going to be in is another different question.” Tony said. He was tearing up. The only reason why he wasn’t on his feet looking for his boyfriend was because James wouldn’t want Tony to hurt himself.

“I wonder where he is.” Sam wasn’t looking at Tony.

“I have a bad gut feeling. James had just given his last testimony on court against Hydra.”

“They say Hydra is dead.”

“Cut one head and two more shall appear. Sam, this is Hydra we are talking about. They infiltrated SHIELD for decades. What makes you think there aren’t more?”

“I want to believe there aren’t more.” Sam answered.

“That’s foolish.”

“Yeah well Tony, sorry that I want to believe that nothing is going to keep hurting my best friend. I love him too, you know? And I’ve known him longer and I have been there at his very worst and it was a dark place- for him because he hurt so badly that he wanted to put a bullet in his brain, and for me because I wanted him to, because it would hurt less for him to be dead than to have to live the way he did.

“ He likes sugar coating things for you, but you know nothing about him, about the many times he’s woken up crying, or confused because his left arm was missing. You don’t know about the times he’s hurt himself repeating that his life wasn’t worth it and he should be dead. So yeah, I want to believe that Hydra is indeed dead, even though I know that is not true and that probably right now Bucky is out there in some hidden bunker getting beaten up and brainwashed.” Sam was very angry. It was in fact, the first time ever Tony had seen him get angry. He was usually a cool and composed dude and he knew how to get a hold of his emotions, but James disappearing was clearly affecting sam negatively.

"I've also been there for James' nightmares." Tony replied.

"It's not the same. At least now he knows how to distinguish between what's real and what's not and how to control his anxiety. Back then… it was just painful."

“I’m sorry.”

Sam looked down and bit his lip. “Yeah. Me too. I'm just scared. After losing Riley, I never thought I’d have a best friend again, but then I met Bucky. And sure, dude is annoying and he tried to kill me a few times, but I couldn’t imagine life without him and that stupid sense of humor and how we hype each other about our looks" Sam chuckled.

“You two do like talking about how handsome you both are.” Tony tried to chuckle but his head hurt.

“It was my idea to hype him up. When he finally accepted that his left arm was missing, I decided to make him feel good again by talking about how hot he is, because it’s true, boy has an amazing body. And I guess it’s been a recurring joke between the both of us, y’know, thighs of betrayal, thighs are the way to heaven, Vanilla Ice and Chocolatechino.” Sam said with a smile.

“Thank you for that. Maybe I was an asshole to Bucky because of my parents’ death, but I can’t even start to thank you enough for everything that you’ve done for him. I didn’t care about him back then, but I sure do now, and I know how much it probably meant to him to have a new friend.”

“He’s like a brother to me, so there is no need to thank me for that. I did it because I cared.” Sam stretched his limbs and yawned. “Damn I’m tired. I might rest my eyes for a little bit. Tomorrow is a new day and we have to be well rested to look for the damsel in distress. You should rest too, Tony."

"I’ll try.” He smiled and closed his eyes.

But he didn’t have sweet dreams. He had nightmare after nightmare, and it all involved James and Hydra.

The next day, Tony was allowed permission to leave the hospital. The second he stepped foot into his house, everyone went silent.

"You all look like shit." Tony said, looking at his friends.  
"We've been up all night pulling surveillance footage from security cameras near the garage, but nothing seems to help." Natasha said and sighed. Steve looked like he'd been crying. Tony walked towards Steve and pulled him in for a hug.

Steve hugged back tight and started sobbing . "It's the third time. It's the third time I've lost him, Tony. I don't know how much more I can take."

Tony let out a few tears as well. He sympathized with Steve. James was the only constant thing in Steve's life since childhood. He lost him once when he fell, then again when he escaped from Hydra and now he was missing and nobody had a clue as to where he was.

"We will find him, Steve." Tony said and patted his back.

Steve let go and wiped his tears. It was heartbreaking seeing Steve like that. He was a leader and he always swallowed his emotions, but this time, he was letting it all out. Dumbo went to Steve and got up on his legs, placing his paws on Steve's hip and resting his head against the curve of his waist. Steve scratched the dog's head.

"It's going to be okay, Dumbo. We'll find your daddy."

Tony wasn't sure if Steve was saying that to reassure the dog or to reassure himself. Tony walked to the door that gave access to the back yard and whistled, getting the dog's attention.

"Come on, Dum Dum. Time for you to do your needs." Tony said, but the dog seemed reluctant to leave his uncle's side. Tony sighed and looked around for one of his toys, settling for a frisbee that was at the foot of the couch. He grabbed it and threw it outside. The dog was drawn to it like a magnet and ran outside to fetch it. Tony closed the door and sighed. He walked over to one of the chairs and sat down.

"As you all know, James has been going to court to testify against Hydra, because apparently they had arrested a man that was supposed to be the last hydra boss. But we know that whenever you cut one head off, two more appear. I suggest we talk to General Ross and ask for his permission to talk to the recluse and see if he'll be willing to give us any intel." Tony said.

"So you do believe this was Hydra's doing?" Nat asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"It's not a coincidence. Yesterday was the last testimony James gave, and that got him into jail, so maybe this is some sort of vendetta." He said.

"I'll talk to the CIA and tell them to alert everyone about Bucky."

"Don't forget to tell them not to shoot at him, Sharon." Steve said.

"I won't." She gave Steve a hug and then pulled out her phone. She dialed a number as she walked out and then he could hear her voice from the hall.

Thor walked in, hammer in hand, and a distressed look on his face.

"I've been flying around looking for him but there was no luck. It's like he vanished." He sat down on the couch next to Bruce and rested his head on his shoulder.

"Where are Loki and Val?" Bruce asked.

"They are taking care of the ports. Loki thinks that it's possible that whoever took Bucky will try to get him out of America by sea." Thor answered.

"We also have the help of T'Challa. He is going to take care of Europe." Nat said.

"I'm also going to go to Europe. I still have a few of my contacts there that can help me." Clint said and got up.

"Wait, can't Shuri trace the vibranium of James' arm?" Tony looked at Steve.

Steve looked away.

"Steve? Is there something I should know?" Tony asked.

Steve rubbed his face in frustration. "She can but… but it would be useless. The puddle of blood, it was- it was Bucky's. We found the vibranium arm under a car that was in the garage, right next to the blood puddle."

Tony started hyperventilating again. He got up and ran to the kitchen to lean over the sink, and started throwing up. There wasn't much content in his stomach, so his throat burned with the bile and gastric acid. After he was done emptying his stomach, he slid down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and hiding his face between them. He was shivering and crying.

"What have they done? Why do they have to do that to him? What has he done to deserve this?" Tony couldn't control his sobbing. The dreadful feeling in his chest made it impossible to breathe. He felt like the house was falling on top of him. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to scream and to punch someone, and at the same time he was too weak.

Tony wished this was a nightmare, he wished that James would wake him up and hug him and tell him it was all a bad dream, and that he never left, but it wasn't.

Tony gave himself a few moments to let the information sink in, and then he got up, determined.

"Okay, Sam, you do people so you are on interrogation duty. Nat, you will gather intel, I'm sure you have contacts that have contacts. Thor, Heimdall sees everything. Ask him to lend us a hand. And Steve, I know you know where James' journals are. Bring them. There could be some useful information. And Sharon, I need you to locate Zemo for me. He found out where the base in Siberia was, I'm sure he knows about more secret bases."

Tony didn't allow himself to break down. He had to stay strong for the man he loved. There would be enough time to be traumatized once they'd found him. While Steve was gone, Tony asked FRIDAY to pinpoint the location of Hydra bases that have been taken down since SHIELD, and he traced a map of potential locations of Hydra bases to send to Clint and T'Challa.

The doorbell rang and Tony got up to open the door. “Steve probably left his keys when he rushed out.” He said to himself.

When he opened, he went pale.

"You're dead"

"Then why am I standing here on your doorstep?"

"You died in New York. I saw you." Tony insisted.

"Well Fury wouldn't let me." Coulson smiled. "Can I come in, or am I supposed to stay here?"

Tony didn't say anything. He was too shocked to form words. He opened the door further and stepped aside for Coulson to come in.

"I heard about Sergeant Barnes, and I wouldn't normally blow my cover for the Avengers, but having in mind his past with Hydra, I couldn't stand by and do nothing. I have plenty of helpful information. We've been fighting against Hydra for years now."

"Let me just call Tasha. She is on intel duty. Steve is on his way. Maybe he can give you a few autographs now." Tony said, annoyed.

"Do whatever you have to do." He said. He tried to hide that little smile that formed when Tony mentioned Steve, but Coulson was too much of a fanboy and his efforts failed.

It took no time for Natasha and Steve to come back to the mansion. Coulson gave them the long story short of what went down in SHIELD after Hydra's takeover and Natasha took notes. Tony started tracing the Hydra bases that Coulson gave them and some of them were at the exact same location that Tony had calculated.

"Also, we think Alexander Pierce is still alive."

"That is impossible. I saw Fury kill him!" Natasha said.

"You also saw Loki kill me and I am here, aren't I?" Coulson asked.

"You are. And as much as I like this interaction between the two of you, who in the bloody hell is Alexander pierce?" Tony felt guilty for not knowing.

"Bucky's handler." Steve answered.

Tony's heart almost dropped. "If he is alive…"

"Then there is a chance that Pierce took him." Coulson finished.

Tony felt nauseous again.

Tony thought about the progress James and him had been doing regarding his mental health. The habits that James had from Hydra were slowly vanishing, as well as the nightmares and the sudden flashbacks. Hydra taking ahold of James was going to ruin everything. First of all, they had ripped his new arm off, which was going to leave a painful and traumatic scar. There was also a pretty big chance that James was already getting tortured, and if they didn't find him soon enough, Hydra would brainwash him again and send him into a murdering spree.

The diaries that James kept didn't help at all. They only made things worse. There were scattered memories of a broken man trying to figure out who he was. Tony felt like he was violating James' privacy by reading those diaries, but it was the only way to find a clue of where he might've been kept. Tony put in the map some of the places James remembered, but after some digging and the assistance of Coulson, they scratched them off the map.

"Tony" Steve whispered when he came into Tony's office.

Tony looked up from the diary and wiped the tears from his eyes. Steve was leaning on the doorframe, arms crossed and frowning.

"What's up?" Tony asked in barely a whisper.

"You've barely eaten this week. You are getting skinny."

"I know. I'm hungry, but whatever I eat I puke." Tony closed the diary and ran his hands through his hair. "I miss him, Steve. I can't stop thinking about him, and I just keep asking God what the fuck has James done wrong to deserve this. I just can't… I just can't understand why!" Tony yelled. "I built this fucking suit to protect the people that I love, and not even that could help me protect the person that I love the most."

"Blaming yourself isn't going to do anything, it will just bury you deep in a crap hole. You were attacked. He was attacked."

"When we were going to the garage I felt like someone was following us and I said nothing."

"Tony it's the fucking street. I understand why you didn't say anything. You can't always walk around looking over your shoulder for an imminent threat."

"Steve, I just can't get the guilt off my chest. I'm staying strong for James."

"Don't do that to yourself. At least not now, Tony. Bucky isn't here. We are all searching for him, including you, but give yourself a break and let it all out so you can get some strength, because when Bucky comes home… that is when you'll need to stay strong for him. Right now he is not here to worry for you, so you can let yourself be vulnerable."

Tony sighed and got up. He walked towards Steve and hugged him. Steve hugged back tight and then Tony let it all out. He cried for what seemed like a solid twenty minutes and then some more, letting out all of the pain from the last week. Steve was petting his hair, whispering sweet words and kissing his head, just like James would have done, and that triggered even more sobs. His eyes were already dry form all of the crying and Steve's shirt was soaked with tears.

When Tony finally let go of Steve, the blond took his hand and led him to the kitchen to prepare him some food. He felt bad for him. Steve was also broken and yet there he was, babysitting Tony and making sure that he was okay.

Tony was taking his head concussion seriously, which was the main reason he wasn't out there looking for his boyfriend. He felt dizzy whenever he made a quick move, and there was also a hammering ache in his head which he figured was from the stress mixed with his injury.

He went to lay down after eating, and as he was drifting into sleep, his phone rung. He picked it up and answered.

"This is Tony Stark."

"Baby? Baby can you hear me?"

It was James. He was breathing heavily and speaking in a hushed voice.

"Oh my god, James! Where are you?"

"I don't have a lot of time. I knocked out one of the guards and it won't take long until more come."

"Honey are you okay? Where are you?"

"I'm not okay, Tony. They replaced my arm and now they are going to try to wipe me again. I can’t wait to go to eat zucchini with you… Arg!" There was the sound of footsteps running and then the sound of what Tony assumed to be the phone falling to the ground and a fight.

"James? James!" The line went silent. Tony was breathing heavily. James was still lucid, which was a good sign, but they didn't know where he was. "FRIDAY, did you get a location from that call?" Tony asked.

"I couldn’t pinpoint an exact location, sir. Do you want me to show you the map anyways?"

"What kind of question is that? Yes!." Tony said and groaned. FRIDAY opened the map and there was a circle around Bosnia. Tony didn’t remember Bosnia being in any of the diaries or locations that Zemo gave them, and he couldn’t ask the Hydra dude because shortly after he was moved to his cell, he hung himself. He took his phone and rung Coulson and then asked FRIDAY to call everyone to the conference room.

 

"James called. He stole a phone from a guard and FRIDAY was able to trace the country he was in. We don’t have an exact location, so we will have to split in teams and search the country. It will be exhausting, but it will be worth it once we find James.. We have to hurry. They have replaced his arm and now they are going to try to wipe him, so suit up and let's go. I already called Clint and Challa and they are on their way."

“How do you know it is really Bucky?” Natasha asked.

“He said zucchini.” Tony said. Everyone looked confused. He sighed. “It’s our safeword for when we do breath play.” He explained and the room was filled with complains and ews and TMI’s. Tony chuckled though, remembering James’ reaction the first time he said he wanted his safe word to be Zucchini.

_“You can’t be serious.” James said with an amused look on his face._

_Tony chuckled and continued teasing his boyfriend’s sensitive cock. “I am in fact serious. I like the word zucchini, but I barely use it.” He said and kissed James. “Besides, it is a funny word.”_

_“I swear to God, you are going to be the death of me.”_

_Tony didn’t answer to that. He smiled devilishly and slid down the bed, positioning himself between James’ thighs and leaving a kiss on his groin. “Then let it be a sweet and painfully slow death” he said as he put his mouth to work._

He was snapped out of that memory when Rhodey snapped his fingers in front of Tony’s face. “Earth to Tony!” Rhodey said, a hint of annoyance in his voice. “You disconnected from reality, man.” He said.

“Sorry. I was thinking of a nice memory I have with James.” He said with a sad smile and then sighed. He got up and displayed a map of Bosnia, then he made a search of old scientific bases, bunkers, anything left behind from the wars and any place that could be used as a hidden base for HYDRA. He pinpointed all of the locations and allerted Ross that they were going overseas because Ross had actually been helpful and moved some strings so NATO would help with the search. Of course Tony knew that it didn’t come from the goodness of his heart. James used to be a deadly asset for HYDRA, and the fact that James had fallen back into their hands was an urgent matter. If they didn’t find him, there could be serious consequences.

He separated them in small teams and went to the lab to get one of his suits. As he was getting ready, he heard a pair of deadly stilettos angrily walking towards the lab and turned around to find a very angry Pepper crossing her arms and shaking her head at him.

“You have a concussion.” She said.

“Good. Tell me something I don’t know or feel already.” He said sarcastically.

“Tony, I am worried for you. You haven’t been taking care of yourself and now you pretend to put on a suit and fly around. Don’t you think that could be bad for you?” She asked.

Tony pressed a button and one of the displays lit up, showing a beautiful blue suit. Pepper looked confused at him. “Tony. Are you even listening to me?” She asked.

“I am. I know how you feel. That is why you are coming with us.”

“As flattered as I am that you think I can take over the world with my stilettos, I don’t see of what help I can be.” She said.

“That is why I built Rescue. I know you aren’t a very big fan of my suits and my tech, but Pepper, when I said I wanted you safe, I meant it. I love James, you know that. But I also love you and I don’t want anything bad happening to you. This suit was intended for you to use it in case something major came up, like an alien takeover, but I guess this is also a good enough reason for you to try on the suit. You will be helping me and also keeping an eye on me.” He said.

Pepper had a blank look. She didn’t seem happy about the suit, on the contrary. But after giving it a thought, she approached the display and looked the suit up and down, then, she gently reached out a hand and touched the suit, as if it might break. She sighed and looked at Tony.

“James is also important to me. He makes you happy. If this is my way of helping him, then okay. I will put on the suit.”

Tony smiled and took out soe leggings and a comfortable shirt and handed it to Pepper. After she changed clothes, Tony helped her get into the suit and she did a test run of it. She had used a suit before, so she was quite familiar with how it worked.

Tony and his team got in one of the quinjets and they took off. He was thankful for all of the help he got. Coulson had set teams of SHIELD agents and inhumans as well to help with the search, and NATO had agreed to send soldiers to Bosnia to track down the base. But still, he was nervous. He wondered if they would find him in time, if James was okay or if he would find himself face to face with his and James’ nightmare, The Winter Soldier.

Chances were he’d already be brainwashed or he would be. The search was going to be slow. Bosnia as big enough for it to take a couple of days and time was important. They couldn’t lose more time.

T’Challa and Clint had already searched a few of the places and they were empty, no sign of HYDRA activity or James. With the search narrowed down a bit, they had some margin of error.

Pepper was sitting next to him and holding his hand. It was soothing having her there. But he felt guilty. Pepper had never been on the field and he felt like he pushed her into this, pushed her because whatever Tony would ask, Pepper would to for him.

"Ten minutes till we arrive." Maria Rambeau said.

She was one of the best pilots that SHIELD had and Coulson put her in charge of flying them to Bosnia so the whole team could go together and also have an extraction plan if anything went wrong.

Tony took in a deep breath and looked at Pepper, whom was giving him a reassuring smile. Rhodey and Steve had come up with a plan and they were explaining it to Tony and Pepper and the rest of the crew.

When Maria opened the door to the jet, Rhodey, Pepper and him flew out of it while the rest of the group jumped out and opened their parachutes. Tony focused on flying around and scanning everything to look for heat signatures or something helpful.

They searched a few towns in a row, but there was nothing, no HYDRA base, no people in weird places, nothing. Just when he was about to give up, he flew over a waterfall when FRIDAY picked up heat signatures coming from inside the wall. Tony frowned and put to use his newest invention, the stealth mode, so he could get close to the waterfall and investigate.

Behind the water, there was a heavy iron door and two guards with, bingo, HYDRA symbols on their uniform. Tony flew back to the plane and got inside.

“Listen up, I found a HYDRA base and there were people inside and guards on the outside.”

“So you found it?” He asked, hopeful.

“I found a base, but we don’t know if James is in it. We shouldn’t get our hopes up.” Tony said. He was trying to convince his team to not get their hopes up when it was Tony himself the one dying to burst past those doors and see if his boyfriend was there. But he had to be realistic.

Steve called in the rest of the team to come to the town where Tony found the base. Apparently it was called Perca. While everyone made their way to the town, Steve and Tony started coming up with a plan.They rearranged the teams and assigned each team a task and a part of the base. Tony had managed to take a scan of how big the place was and how many rooms there were.

As the other teammates started arriving, they told them the plan and provided them with tech and things that might be useful for the mission. There was nothing worse than facing the unknown, and they sure as hell didn’t know the exact number of guards there were, what type of security system they had installed and if James was still himself or if he would go all Winter Soldier on them.

Once everyone was there and got their assignments, they all got to work. Tony’s team was formed by Rhodey, Steve, Pepper, Sam, himself and a bunch of SHIELD agents and inhumans. They went over the strategy: Tony was supposed to go on stealth mode and silently take down the guards so that they didn’t alarm anyone else, then, he had to give access to Daisy, one of the inhumans that worked with Coulson, of the security system so she could hack into it, and once the security was down, they could enter the base without any problem. That was plan A, at least. Plan B was Daisy causing an earthquake. The risky part of plan B was the possibilities of collateral damage.

The rest of the teams were positioned either outside to surveil the surroundings just in case HYDRA called for backup, and there were two teams, one led by Natasha and the other led by Sharon, that were to enter after them to go to the different levels of the base and take out as many enemies as they could and retrieve information that might be useful in the future.

Tony activated the stealth mode again and took down the guards, and after he was sure there were no other guards nearby, he unscrewed the control panel, which was pretty ancient, and connected it to the tablet so Daisy could take over and take down the security system.

Steve positioned himself in front of the door and the agents that were with them got their guns loaded and ready to shoot.

“System’s down.” Daisy said.

The heavy doors opened and Steve and the agents went in. There were more guards inside and Steve had to take them down silently so they couldn’t set any alarms. After Tony’s team took the assigned direction, Sharon and Natasha walked in with their teams and proceeded to go to the other two levels.

Tony looked one last time at Pepper and nodded, and they all walked in. Tony started opening doors and looking inside each room, searching for James, but there was no luck. Behind a few doors, there were some scientists working and as soon as they saw them, they got on their knees with their hands up. Tony was surprised by the easy surrender, but after a quick scan from FRIDAY, he realized that those scientists were also victims of HYDRA, since their files showed that they had gone MIA. It would explain a lot that they were in a HYDRA facility. Poor people were probably abducted from their workplace.

Tony continued looking around, with Pepper, Sam and Rhodey following him. They had his back. They always did. He was relieved that he could count on them. He knew that from the moment he befriended them, he’d never be alone anymore. That cheered him up a little bit, knowing that his favourite people were there for him in case Tony got the disappointment of finding out that James wasn’t there.

And there was a voice inside his head that kept repeating that he was being delusional. The guards had caught James on the phone. HYDRA knew he had contacted the outside world, so what was the chance that he’d still be there?

After opening a few more doors and finding nothing, Tony was convinced that his boyfriend wasn’t there anymore. Steve had reunited with them and he was about to say something when suddenly loud screams of pain echoed through the empty hallways. Tony knew that voice. He had memorized it, every note, and tone, and pitch. He knew that was James.

He didn’t bother to say anything. He just flew off, following the direction of the screams. Behind him were Pepper, Sam and Rhodey, as always, having his back. Tony loaded all of his beams and blasted off the door. The hole in the wall that was left after the heavy metal hit the floor revealed a bunch of guards and a group of scientists that were now looking in their direction.

The guards started shooting at them, and Tony managed to dodge some of the bullets and shoot at the armed people that were directly in front of him. The rest of the team got in and started shooting at the guards while the ones that could fly started taking the scientists to safety. Except Tony. Tony got a glimpse of a long haired man running out of a back door and he knew it was James, so he followed him.

“James. James, stop running!” Tony said.

James turned around and shot at Tony. The brunette let out an offended gasp and frowned. “You are sure as hell sleeping on the couch once we get you home.” Tony said and shot a beam at James.

James dodged and started shooting at Tony again. Not James. The Winter Soldier. Tony didn’t want to hurt him. Under all of that brainwashing lived the man that he loved. But if he was forced to blast him to the other side of the building, he wouldn’t hesitate. He knew that James wouldn’t hold it against Tony if he did.

James continued running, God knows where, and he was shooting but without aiming. When James ran out of bullets, he looked panicked. He glanced at Tony for a few seconds before running away again.

“What the-” He was cut off by someone clapping behind him. Tony turned around and looked at the person responsible for the applause and raised an eyebrow that he knew the other man couldn’t possibly see. “Hey blondie. I always appreciate a good applause, but I’m sad to inform you that you weren’t invited to this show.”

“No, you’re right, I’m not a guest. I’m the host. Thank you for coming, Mr Stark. I see you received my invitation. I was surprised you didn’t find us sooner.” He said.

Tony scanned the guy and everything fell in place. “Alexander Pierce, I assume. I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure.” Tony said as he landed on the floor and retracted his helmet.

“I don’t think you’ve had it.” He confirmed. “Thanks for taking care of my pet for so long, but I think it’s time I had it back.”

Tony scoffed. “Well you can’t have him. He is a free man.” Tony said.

“Was, a free man. But I’ve reclaimed him.. As you know by now, he is a very valuable asset to HYDRA and a deal like that comes only once in a lifetime.” He said with a snarky smile.

“I don’t really appreciate you treating my boyfriend as an object.” Tony said. “So what, you’ve managed to reprogram him? Wipe his memory again and put some new trigger words in his head? You guys are seriously messed up. And cowards, may I add. Why not do the dirty work yourself?”

“I don’t owe you any explanation. I’ve got some pretty exciting plans for HYDRA and you are getting in my way. Soldat, finish him and then the rest of the team.” Pierce said as he walked away.

“Oh, don’t turn your back to me.” Tony said and raised his hand to blast him off when he was tackled to the ground by James. He felt cold metal wrapping around his throat and his eyes went wide. Tony looked at him, looked his boyfriend in the eyes, expecting some sort of recognition, but there was no one. “Zucchini” Tony managed to say and the Soldier looked at him confused.

“Zu-” Tony cut him off by shooting him with one of SHIELD’s paralyzing bullets and the Soldier fell on top of him like a ton of bricks.

“As much as I enjoy having you on top of me in normal circumstances” He said and pushed him off him “I’ll have to politely decline you this time.” He got up and saw Sam and Rhodey flying towards him.

His friends landed and looked at James, whom was laying on the ground, sedated.

“We were too late.” Rhodey said as he watched Sam kneel down next to his best friend and cradle his head, gently placing it on his lap.

Tony looked at the scene and his chest suddenly felt heavy. He still didn’t understand why they were doing this to James, but it hurt Tony in so many ways. They heard footsteps coming their way and when they took a closer look to the people approaching them, they saw the HYDRA badge on their uniforms.

“Sam, Rhodey, go take James to the jet. I’ll stay here and distract them. Steve? You hear me? Pierce was here. He left, but I’m sure he’s still in the building.” He said.

“Noted. My team and I will search the place for him.” Steve answered.

Pepper approached Tony and put a hand on his shoulder. “You go take Bucky to safety. Me and the guys will take care of the guards.”

Tony looked at her for a few seconds, ready to complain, but he actually caved and let out a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding. “I owe you big time. Let me know if something goes wrong.” He said and walked towards James. He knelt down and took him in his arms bridal style before flying out of the base. He had to blast off a few guards on his way out, but there were teams of agents and Avengers everywhere fighting off bad guys.

He managed to take his boyfriend to the jet safely and got in. There was a stretcher already prepared for James, so he laid him down and made sure he was comfortable and warm before proceeding to taking away all of his weapons and stripping him out of the uniform HYDRA had provided him with.

Tony was horrified. James’ ribs were visible. He’d gotten skinny in the two weeks he’d been abducted. Were they not feeding him? What a stupid question. Of course they weren’t. Just as James had finally made progress and was actually enjoying food… This felt like a huge step back from what they had accomplished through therapy. He sighed.

There were also bruises all over his body. He had been beaten up and tortured. But the bruises he hated seeing the most were the ones on his face. Tony didn’t even have to wonder where they came from.

“Bastards.” He whispered. He leaned down and placed a soft kiss on each one of the bruises on his face, as if to soothe them, and then finished dressing James in comfortable clothes.

Maria looked at him. “We have been flying around for a while now, but you never told me where to.” She said.

“To wakanda.” Tony said and sat down next to his boyfriend, holding his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for this chapter! A friend asked me if I hated Bucky. The answer is no, I adore my cinnamon roll and hurting him hurts me.  
> Having that said, the next few chapters are going to have more angst.  
> Don't forget to leave kudos and comment


	9. Memories of a mindless pawn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you read this chapter, I want to warn you that this chapter contains self harm, dubious consent in a flashback, panic attacks and torture.  
> I also want to let you know that this chapter is in fact intended to feel messy and confusing (almost as if there was zero to none effort put into this chapter) because I really wanted to try giving the Winter Soldier a POV and this is how I imagine a brainwashed man's thoughts are.  
> I hope you "enjoy" this chapter and I'd love to get some feedback on what you thought of it.

Screams. The screams were deafening, embedded in his head. They were his own screams, he knew that, and they were like a constant nightmare to him, reminding him that if he wasn’t a good boy, his Master would be forced to hurt him again.

“I don’t like hurting you, sweetheart. But sometimes you leave me no choice. Be good for me, will you? Do what I say, and maybe you will even get to have dinner with me.” He looked at Alex. He was sure he was pleading with his eyes. “I know, Soldat. You like it when you have dinner with me, don’t you? You like the meat, right?” He nodded. The memory of the meat made his stomach growl loudly. He was famished. He didn’t remember when was the last time he had food in his stomach. But he wasn’t going to ask for food. Alex said that asking for food was naughty.

He let the scientists do whatever they had to. He had to be a good boy. Then, the guards came for him and led him to a cell, where he was left alone. The bed was very uncomfortable. It wasn’t even a bed. It was just a pile of blankets messily placed on top of each other, but they weren’t comfortable, and they definitely did not isolate from the cold and humid ground. But he had to be grateful. They were giving him more than what he deserved.

He closed his eyes and fell asleep, but his sleep was cut short when a guard came in and took him. He was led to the science department again and he had more tests done on him. He behaved, and as a reward, he got something to eat. It was tasteless, but his stomach was grateful for the content put in it.

He looked around. There was something different this time.

“Where is he?” He asked.

“Brock?” Alex asked.

He nodded.

“Remember the man I sent you to kill one time? Captain America?” He nodded again. “Well he killed Brock and escaped. I’m sorry. But don’t worry. You will have your revenge soon.” Alex gave him a sympathetic smile and rubbed his shoulder.

He didn’t feel anything, though. No sadness, no rage, no dread. Nothing. He remembered one night a long time ago.

_He was laying down next to Brock, both of them naked, and his head was on Rumlow’s chest, listening to his heartbeat and his breathing._  
_Brock looked at him and smiled._

_“A penny for your thoughts.” He whispered._

_“I don’t think.” He answered. “I only follow orders.”_

_“Now that isn’t true. Nobody ever ordered you to sleep with me.”_

_That was true. When Alex found out, he was very mad at them, but eventually Brock got him to calm down and after a while, Alex figured that they weren’t harming anyone by sleeping together._

_“It feels good.” He whispered. Because it was true. Brock was gentle and loving, unlike the scientists and the occasional beatings from the guards._

_“It’s natural to want to feel good, Soldier. Freud said it himself. We are born with an instinctual libido.”_

_“Is Freud a friend of yours?” He asked._

_Brock chuckled and laced their fingers together. “No. He was a famous neurologist. I didn’t have the pleasure of meeting him. He died in 1939, long before I was even born.”_

_“You are smart.”_

_“You are smart as well.” Brock answered._

_“I only follow orders and instincts. I don’t even know if I am able to think.”_

_“Everyone is able to do so.” Rumlow answered. He expected for him to continue talking, but he didn’t. They laid there for a while longer before he had to be taken back to the scientists._

The soldier shook his head. Even with that memory, he didn’t feel anything.

“Do I have the ability to feel anything other than pain?” He asked.

Alex was taken off guard by that question. He looked at the scientists. “He is asking too many questions. Wipe him and start over.” The blonde turned his back to the soldier and walked away.

“No. No. What did I do wrong? I didn’t mean to upset you. Please, don’t let them hurt me. You said you didn’t like it when I was hurt.” He desperately tried to fight the scientists off, but it was in vain. Some of the guards pointed at him with their loaded guns and he calmed down. No. He didn’t calm down. He gave up. It was useless.

He suddenly felt a sharp pain in his head.

Screams.

Pain.

More screams.

It was like a cycle.

“Why?” He asked once Alex was back in the lab.

“You know why. What did I say about questions?”

“That they were out of place and a sign of bad behaviour.” He didn’t remember asking any questions. But Alex was always right.

“Good boy. Okay boys, carry on with what you were doing.”

 

He was exhausted. He looked around. It was the same old. A dim environment. Bad smell. Cold. Pain. He didn’t even know what time it was or for how long he had been in that cell.

He started counting, but he could only count to ten before losing concentration and starting again. His brain was scattered. He knew that much. There was something wrong. Alex was acting different. He was more anxious and angrier than usual. It scared him.

He looked down at his hands and the silver shine from his left hand caught his attention. It was a bionic arm, or something like that, and it was supposed to be very useful. For destruction, a voice said inside his head. He sighed. That voice was right. The flashes he remembered from his missions always involved his left arm causing pain and destruction and death.

And then there was the pain. It weighed a lot and his shoulder and spine always hurt, but he pushed the pain away. Alex’ voice danced around his head. Pain is weakness, it said, and weakness was punishable. He didn’t want to be punished anymore. He was tired of it. Exhausted. He felt a warm line run down his cheek, and when he touched it, his fingers got wet.

He was crying. He didn’t even know why he was crying. It was so confusing.

So confusing. So so.... confusing. He hated it. He wanted to scream in rage. He was tired of experiments, of scientists, of punishments. He was tired of being confused and feeling alienated. He didn’t know what he looked like, he wasn’t even sure he had a name, and everyone had a name. Everyone except him.

He got up from the pile of blankets and banged his head against the wall. Once. Then twice. And again, and again, and again. His chest was feeling heavy, oppressed, and he couldn’t catch a breath, and his heartbeat was going crazy. And then he was crying and banging his head non-stop against the wall. He didn’t want anymore. No more, he kept repeating. No more, please no more. He was tired and he wanted everything to just-

“STOP!” A voice came from outside his cell and in a heartbeat, there were guards running inside and pulling him away from the wall and holding him in place. Alex walked in. He was pissed, his face was twisted in rage.

“What were you trying to accomplish?” He asked and grabbed his chin roughly. “Did you want to get hurt? Was that what you wanted?” And then he received a smack across the face from Alex. “If he wants pain, then give it to him. You are such a disappointment and a waste of time. Your little vacations made you a rebel, but that’s over now. You will concentrate on work, and work only. Guards, after you’ve finished beating him up, take him to the lab. I want him wiped clean.” He said and left.

And he was left there, kneeling on the ground as each guard took their time beating him and enjoying it, and with every second, he felt even more humiliated and vulnerable. Those were feelings, right? Apparently he could feel after all.

He didn’t resist it when the guards took him to the lab again. He couldn’t. He felt too weak as to even try to escape. The scientists cleaned him up and bandaged some of the open wounds, and as they were about to start with the wiping process again, the door to the lab fell to the ground to reveal a flying robot. All of the guards started shooting and three more robots came in sight. They flew over to the scientists and started taking them away.

He freaked out, and when he saw an opportunity, he started running, trying to escape. Suddenly, he heard one of the flying robots calling a name. James… He didn’t know who that was, but he wasn’t about to find out, so he shot the robot to slow it down, hoping that would give him enough time to escape, but the robot seemed angry at that and shot at him. He dodged and continued running, shooting his gun without aiming. He was praying for a lucky shot, and running and aiming weren’t compatible.

After a few more shots, the gun ran out of bullets, and for a moment there he panicked. Until he saw Alex. Maybe he was going to save him. Maybe Alex wasn’t mad at him anymore. The robot and Alex started speaking, and when Alex ordered him to kill the robot and everyone else, he didn’t hesitate. Maybe that was his opportunity to prove himself to Alex and get him to go easier on him. He ran to the robot and tackled it to the ground. And once he saw it was a man, he decided to use his best weapon, his left arm. Around his throat.

“Zucchini.” The man said.

He was sure he had never heard that word before in his life, and he was again, confused.

“Zu-” He started asking, but then it all went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I know there are a few things that seem kind of out of place in this chapter and kind of pointless, but worry not, there are a few questions that I am answering in the next couple of chapters. 
> 
> And no, I still don't hate Bucky.


	10. Recovery

Bucky woke up with a horrible headache. It felt like the world’s worst hangover. He was afraid to open his eyes, because he didn’t want to face the real world. He knew that he was on a hospital bed. He’d probably passed out while HYDRA was doing one of their experiments on him, but then he remembered HYDRA never had the courtesy of making him feel warm and comfortable. 

Something shifted on his left side and all of his alarms were set off. He opened his eyes and looked to his side and- Imani was curled up in a ball, sleeping next to him while hugging the teddy bear he had sent her for Christmas. 

He felt himself tear up. He couldn’t understand if what he was seeing was true, or if it was his brain playing tricks on him. He tried nudging at her but there was only one problem: He had no arm. He looked down at the little stump. It was well covered and it looked like it was kept clean and taken care of.

Bucky then looked to his right and there was an IV hooked to his right arm. He sighed in relief. It was real, he was in a real hospital room, and Imani really was there. 

“Hey, princess. Wake up.” 

Imani opened one of her eyes and looked at him before closing it again. And after a few seconds, her eyes flew open in shock and he found himself wrapped in a tight embrace. 

“Okay, okay, don’t break my bones, little one.” He said and gently peeled her off him. His body hurt a lot, and having Imani giving him a bear hug wasn’t helping with the pain. 

“Sorry.” She said and gave him another hug, much more gentle this time. “I was scared. You slept for an entire week and I was starting to think you wouldn’t wake up anymore.” She pouted. 

“Well good thing I am like the sleeping beauty. All it took for me was the embrace of my princess charming to wake me up.” He said with a smile and booped her nose. 

Imani let out the cutest chuckle ever and buried her face in the crook of Bucky’s neck. “I have to tell Shuri you are awake. Promise me you won’t go anywhere.” 

“I pinky swear I won’t go anywhere. I am right where I have to be.” He whispered and caressed her cheek. 

Imani climbed off the bed and ran out of the room, and Bucky was finally left alone. He started crying in defeat. Everything hurt, and he felt broken and vulnerable and fragile and humiliated once again. He was just starting to be happy again, but Pierce had to go and ruin it for him. He hated being touched, and he hated that he hated Imani hugging him. He didn’t want anyone to touch him. Human contact didn’t feel okay.

The door to his room opened and he saw Tony walk in. He stopped next to the bed and looked at Bucky. His face was a mix of emotions, fear, sadness, relief. He reached his hand to touch Bucky, but Bucky flinched away. No touching, please.

“I’m so happy you are okay.” He whispered brokenly.

“I’m not okay.” Bucky answered, without even looking at Tony, sounding harsh. Harsher than he would’ve liked, but he couldn’t pretend to be polite. He was tired and he wanted to be alone.

Tony winced ant took a step back. “I’m sorry. I- I didn’t mean- What I meant is that, I’m happy you are alive.” 

Wish I wasn’t, Bucky thought. He didn’t bother with an answer. He didn’t want to talk. What he wanted was to be left alone, goddammit! 

Tony was awkwardly standing there, his hands stuffed in his sweatpants pockets and he was hunched down. Bucky took a look at Tony’s face and he didn’t like what he saw. He had a full beard, not the carefully trimmed goatee, bags under his eyes and dark circles and he looked skinnier. 

His first instinct was to yell at Tony for not taking care of himself. How fucking selfish was that? He had it all, food, shower, and most importantly, freedom, and he looked like that? Like a fucking mess? And he knew Tony was going to put him being abducted as an excuse, which made his blood boil.

He was pretty sure that whatever he was thinking was being mirrored by his facial expression, because Tony seemed uncomfortable, maybe even a bit scared. “I will-uh… I will bring you something to eat.” He said and before Bucky could protest, Tony had left. 

He sighed again. Maybe he was too harsh on Tony. Why was he even mad at him? His head was a mess. The hammering pain didn’t go away, the light was too bright and he was furious for no reason. 

The door opened again. This time, Shuri was the one walking in. Her face was serious and she was holding a tablet. She didn’t say a word, she just started checking his vitals and his pupils response and then the stump. He clenched his teeth at the contact. Please don’t.

Bucky looked away. He couldn’t stand the sight of it either. Too much trauma. She did something to the stump that had Bucky howling in pain. Shuri took a step back and she looked shocked and sorry for causing him pain. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. Your flesh is very tender and the nerves were wrecked when I took the new arm off. You know what happened to your flesh prosthetic I suppose.” 

“They ripped it off and then I passed out from the pain.” Bucky answered. His eyes filled with tears at the memory. He had been so happy, ready to settle and used to being normal again. But HYDRA had some sort of obsession with him and had to screw him over again. 

Shuri took out a syringe and inserted the needle into the injection port, injecting the liquid in the IV. “I don’t want to poke on your arm anymore, so this will do. I gave you pain medication.” 

Bucky nodded. “Thank you.” 

“Bucky, I have to ask you this…. Do you plan on getting another prosthetic?” She asked. 

“I don’t want to decide that right now..” He answered. 

Shuri hummed and nodded. “I need to go now. I have to convince Imani to go to school.” 

“Tell her that if she goes to school, I will take her home with me for summer vacations..” Bucky said, forcing a smile on his face. He wasn’t sure he could keep his word, but Imani had to go to class.

“Are you sure?” Shuri asked. 

“No, but her education is important to me. I can suck it up for the summer if she comes to Brooklyn.” Shuri looked at him with the look that said ‘I can see right through you’, but she turned around and went to the door. 

“If you need anything, call me.” She said and left.

Bucky turned awkwardly on his right side, careful not to pull the IV or anything else, and cried himself to sleep.

 

Bucky didn’t know how long he was asleep, but it wasn’t nearly enough. The torment of the time he spent with HYDRA wasn’t exactly a very lovely thing to dream about and when he woke up, he didn’t feel rested at all. He heard soft snores coming from the side of his bed and he looked in the direction of them. Tony was sleeping on the chair, in a very awkward position. He’d wake up sore, that was for sure.

Bucky closed his eyes again but all he could see were memories. Memories of the scientists, memories of how he thought Rumlow loved him but how he did all of that to gain his trust and get him to do things without questioning him, memories of the pain and the desperation. He tried to force himself to sleep again but he couldn’t. And even if he could, sleep was only going to make the memories worse. At least he was thankful that he didn’t kill anyone this time. 

And then he remembered how scared he was of everything. He remembered the terror of Tony following him and shooting at him. He had never been more tired and terrified. He was ready to end it all. He still wanted to. He looked at Tony and suddenly there was a weight on his chest. On one hand, if he decided to commit suicide, he’d break Tony even more, and on the other hand, if he decided to keep fighting, he knew he’d end up draining the sanity out of Tony. He was already used to feeling broken beyond repair. The only difference was that this time, Bucky didn’t feel like fighting anymore despite having a lot to fight for.

“Hey.” Tony’s voice sounded soft, not soft, weak, and insecure. 

Bucky looked at Tony as the younger man stretched and he winced at the sound of his joints cracking. He scooted to one side of the bed and patted the small spot next to him. He didn’t want any human contact, but Tony needed to rest. He seemed tired and a chair wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep in. He might have been traumatized, but he still wanted to take care of the people he loved.

“Are you sure?” Tony asked. 

“Yes. Come here.” Bucky managed to say softly. 

Tony got up and walked to the bed. He carefully sat on the edge of it and laid down. His arms wrapped around Bucky’s torso and he buried his face in his neck. Bucky sighed and put his right hand on the back of Tony’s neck, massaging it lightly. 

“I’m sorry I’m being cold, I just-”

“Don’t apologize. I understand that it can’t all go back to how it was a few weeks ago. Don’t worry.” Tony said. 

Bucky smiled. Of course Tony would understand. He was also kidnapped and forced to do things, but Tony Stark was a survivor. He wouldn’t let a terrorist group take advantage of him and with his intelligence, he managed to escape. Unlike himself. He needed to be saved. 

“You are weak” Pierce’s voice echoed in his head. No, stop it. That wasn’t true. Or maybe it was...

“I love you.” Tony whispered. 

“I love you too.” Bucky said back and his eyes landed on some fading bruises around his boyfriend’s throat. He froze. He remembered being on top of Tony, his left hand around his throat and squeezing.

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had his hand wrapped around Tony’s throat. Back in January, Tony had decided that he wanted to try breath play, and after giving it a lot of thought and also coming up with safe words and all of the precautions people took when doing those type of risky things, they had tried it and liked it. But this wasn’t the case. Bucky wasn’t fucking Tony through an orgasm and choking him, Bucky was going in for the kill. But something didn’t make sense. He was terrified of Tony, he remembered that much, and if he had wanted to kill him, he would've done it with zero effort. He was restraining himself, but he didn’t know why.

“Jamie.” Tony whispered. Bucky looked at him and hummed. “What are you thinking about? You are frowning.” 

“I was choking you, but for some reason I showed restraint.” 

“Maybe you recognized me.” 

“I was terrified of you. I could’ve easily snapped your neck.”

Tony took in a deep breath and looked at him. “I defended myself and I am alive. And please, don’t start with the what if’s. Don’t think about it, it happened and it ended, it’s over, and I am okay. Don’t dwell.” 

Bucky wanted to protest, but Tony was right. It was of no use reliving the past. He had to move on and try to heal for Tony and especially for himself. He buried his fingers in Tony’s hair and pulled his head back a little bit to give him access to his lips. He kissed him softly, but it didn’t feel natural, nor good. It felt… like nothing. He was kissing his boyfriend and he couldn’t feel any of the sensations he used to before, no love, no pleasure, nothing, just pain. 

Tony didn’t take any chances either. He only kissed back and kept his hands to himself. Bucky was grateful for that. When Tony pulled away, he looked Bucky in the eyes and gave him a small smile. “I appreciate the kiss, baby, but I can see right through you. Focus on healing, I can go on without intimacy for a while.” 

Bucky forced a small smile. “Thank you. I- I kinda want to set some rules.”

“Whatever you need.” 

“First, no unsolicited touching. Only touch me when I decide it’s okay to do so.” Tony started to pull away but Bucky placed his hand on Tony’s back to keep him in place. “It’s okay, stay. I was the one who invited you.” 

 

“Okay, so no touching. Got it.”

“And please, don’t make me talk about what happened. I keep playing those memories in my head over and over, and I don’t want to talk about it.” 

Tony made a face but said nothing. “Is there anything more?” 

“Yes. When you are rested enough, you are going to go shave, shower and eat. I won’t go anywhere, I’m safe here, okay?” Bucky asked. 

“Okay, babe. Can I- Uh… Can I stay here a while longer?” He asked. 

Bucky was getting comfortable with Tony on the bed. He figured that it wouldn’t hurt to have him stay a while longer. “Sure.” He whispered and kissed the top of Tony’s head. 

Tony made himself comfortable and rested his head on Bucky’s chest. He did feel tense, like if he was waiting for Bucky to snap at him or ask him to move or directly start crying, so Bucky rubbed soothing circles on Tony’s back. After a while, Bucky relaxed. They weren’t talking. There wasn’t really anything to talk about. They were just cuddling on the hospital bed and the only noise in the room was of their breathing and the heart monitor. 

Bucky’s eyelids started getting heavy, and despite putting a lot of effort into not falling asleep, he did anyways. It was a peaceful sleep at first, but what looked like a beautiful dream turned into Bucky choking the life out of Tony. 

He woke up alarmed, but thankfully, Tony wasn’t there, instead, there was a note in Tony’s handwriting saying he’d gone to take a shower and eat something. He sighed in relief and laid back down, too afraid to close his eyes.

 

A few days later, Shuri had insisted that she had to do something with the stump. She was right about that. As much as Bucky hated the idea of anyone touching his stump, the flesh was still tender and his nerves were exposed, which caused him too much pain. He had debated whether he wanted the prosthetic back or not, and he ended up deciding to let Shuri put it back on. It was better to get it on now and be done with it - hopefully once and for all- than to let the flesh scar and heal just to have a procedure done on it again.

Of course Bucky could take physical pain, he was a super soldier and HYDRA had taught him to endure and ignore pain in order to be more productive, but even in his Winter Soldier state, Bucky couldn’t help but feel emotional pain, and he’d had enough of that, so the stump had to go before causing him more damage. 

This time, Bucky was put under general anaesthesia, and when he woke up, he had a totally functional left arm. The limb felt lighter, and when he touched it, his arm felt fleshier than before, almost as if it were the real thing. 

Shuri and Helen walked into his room, both of them with a big smile on their faces.   
“How are you feeling?” Asked Shuri. 

“I’m feeling good.” Bucky answered. 

“Well I am happy to hear that. This procedure was a little bit different than the previous one. Shuri created a new prototype of the arm, making it lighter and smaller so it doesn’t cause you any unnecessary pain.” 

“And also because your stump was too weak to hold another prosthetic the size of your previous ones.” Helen elbowed Shuri and Shuri looked at her offended. “He needs to know the truth. I don’t feel comfortable lying to him.” Helen sighed and nodded. “As you already knew, your nerves were wrecked, and despite cleaning the area every day and giving you medication, you had a very nasty infection. We managed to stop it from spreading, but we didn’t want to abuse the are again, so I had to make a few adjustments to the prosthetic.” 

“Okay, but is the flesh okay? Is it healthy?” Bucky asked. He didn’t want to deal with more procedures and he definitely wanted to get off the hospital bed and go do something productive. 

“I promise you that everything is under control. You won’t have to worry about the infection. Between the meds and your serum finally kicking in, you are totally healthy. Anyways, this new prototype allows you to have a normal life, you still have a lot of strength in your left arm, with the only difference that it’s a smaller prosthetic and lighter and you won’t feel any discomfort.” 

“Plus, it’s fleshier and it will feel like a real arm.” Helen added with a smile. “What do you think?” She asked.

“I think it’s nice.” Bucky said and also smiled. It did feel nice knowing that this arm was more realistic. It would make him feel normal again. Well, as normal as someone could feel after being to hell and back a couple of times. 

“We will keep you under observation for a few days, and after that you will be free to go.” Shuri said. 

“Okay. Fair enough.” Bucky smiled and looked at his arm again. 

“We will let you rest.” Helen said and after saying their goodbyes, they left the room. 

Bucky looked again at the arm and then started flexing it, opening and closing his hand, feeling the flesh. It really felt like a real arm. He was still in a pretty bad mental state, but the prosthetic lightened his mood a little bit. 

He got up and walked around the hospital room, running his hands through different surfaces, feeling the texture of the wall, the metal cabinets and the wooden furniture. He compared the feeling with his real arm and it was amazing. It was even more real than the previous one. With the first arm HYDRA had given him, Bucky could sense pressure. The only feeling he had was on his shoulder where the arm was attached, but with the metal arm covered in flesh -the first one- he had a little bit of sensitivity on it and he could distinguish textures and feel pain. But this one was even more amazing.

He pinched his left forearm and hissed. Yep, he didn’t know if it was because he had just gotten the arm and it was still tender from the procedure or if it was because of the pain receptors in the tissue graft Helen had created, but it felt real. 

The door to his room opened and Tony walked in, doing that lip biting smile that drove Bucky nuts every single time. Bucky approached him and placed his left hand on Tony’s cheek, caressing it lightly. He knew how Tony’s skin felt, he had memorized it with his real hand, but he still wanted to touch him and feel him. 

He caressed his cheek, ran his fingers along his jaw, rubbed his goatee, earning a chuckle from Tony, and booped his nose, something that always made Tony mad. 

Tony took Bucky’s left hand and felt it, with a huge smile on his face. “God, it is so nicely done. It feels so incredibly real. Now you don’t have an excuse to not give me massages.” 

Bucky threw his head back with a laugh. “I’m sorry, but I always oblige when your majesty asks for a massage, and some of those massages have the bonus of a happy ending, so I don’t see why you are complaining.” 

“I’m not complaining.” Tony looked him in the eyes, lovingly. “I missed your laugh.” 

“I am in a better mood. I’m still not completely over everything that went down in HYDRA, but I am getting there.” Bucky got more serious and sat on the edge of his bed, pulling Tony with him. “I really don’t want to tell you this because it was pretty awful, but I need to get it off my chest.” 

Tony straightened his back and looked at Bucky with furrowed eyebrows. “I’m listening.” 

“HYDRA doesn’t wipe everything from my memory. They only wipe the things that they find compromising for their asset’s… let’s say loyalty, like for instance, the memories of Steve, my sister, my mom, you… But they do leave things that are essential for me to know. They let me remember all of the cases, all of my training, all of the languages I know, absolutely every punishment and every reward so I know what happens when I behave and when I don’t… Even how Rumlow manipulated me into loving him and giving myself to him.” 

Tony took in a sharp breath, but he didn’t say anything. Bucky was regretting telling Tony about Rumlow, but he needed to get everything off his chest, and those were things he had never told anyone, not even Steve or Sam. 

“I knew something wasn’t right, that something was different. Pierce, I- the Winter Soldier had never seen him so anxious and so desperate. I noticed Rumlow wasn’t there, so I asked and Pierce manipulated me by saying that he was killed by Steve and that I would get my revenge on him soon. I think he was up to something, because Pierce never appeals to anything emotional unless it’s for punishment.” 

“I wish we knew, but he escaped. That is why you and me are staying in Wakanda. It’s safe here.” Tony seemed nervous suggesting that. Bucky took his hand and squeezed it. 

“Then we stay.” He kissed his boyfriend’s forehead and sighed. “I was so desperate, Tony. I knew something was wrong. I was confused and anxious… I started banging my head against a wall, hoping I’d… y’know, end it all. I just wanted it to stop. But Pierce caught me and ordered the guards to beat me up. And I hoped they’d end me. But they didn’t. The truth was that when I woke up here, I didn’t want to fight for myself. But then I thought of everything I had to lose and I decided to fight. For you, for Imani, for Jojo, for our friends. The truth is that I have never had so much to fight for and I am grateful for the life that I get to live. And I am especially grateful that you decided to fight for me.” 

“Baby, how could I give up on you? I mean, sure, we are both fucked up and have our issues, but you make me happy, and what a hypocrite would I be to tell you that I love you and not fight for you?” 

“The smart type of hypocrite. But you are Tony Stark and you adore getting yourself into dangerous situations.” 

“Obviously, How would I get my daily dose of adrenaline if I didn’t?” He asked with a chuckle. 

“I have a couple of ideas but I am not sharing them with you.”

“Why?” He asked offended. 

“Because I know you and you would do it for the fun of it and to give me a heart attack.” Bucky chuckled. 

Tony rolled his eyes but scooted a little closer to Bucky. “So what do you say? We stay in Wakanda... forever?” Tony asked and did the Wakandan greeting, which made Bucky giggle.

“Not forever. Eventually we will have to go back to Brooklyn because I kinda made a deal with the devil.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I kinda promised Imani that I would bring her with me to Brooklyn for the entire summer if she went to school.” 

“I am a big supporter of education, but you should encourage her to go, period, because she will eventually learn to do things only when there is something in for her.” 

“You are no fun.” Bucky protested. Tony shrugged and smiled. “So, should we go house hunting?” 

“Do they have AirBnB here?” 

“Wakanda? Nah. But I kinda know someone who can hook us up with a small house.” 

“Then talk to that someone. I’m calling Pepper to ask her to send us some clothes, toiletries and Dumbo.”

“Okay, sir.” He said and kissed Tony’s forehead before the younger man left the room. 

Having that talk with Tony really relieved him, although the fact that Pierce was still out there worried him. He knew that Steve would be on it and moving sky and earth to find the son of a bitch, but he was still afraid. He knew that it was pretty much impossible to enter in wakanda without being discovered, but still, he was going to be alert and make looking over his shoulder a habit. 

Bucky called Shuri to his room, and after ten minutes, she was there with a worried expression. “Is it the arm?” She asked. 

“No. I was thinking of staying on vacations in Wakanda. It would be nice if you could get me and Tony a place to stay at. We will pay.” 

“You don’t need to pay, you know that. You are always welcomed here. Don’t forget that we consider you our brother. You can stay here for however long you want, don’t worry.” 

Bucky smiled and pulled Shuri in for a side hug. “You really do remind me of my sister.” 

 

Dumbo was running after the goats and barking at them, scaring the shit out of the poor animals. Bucky chuckled and hugged the baby goat closer to his body. “You have to drink your milk. I don’t want you starving to death, Harvey.” 

“Meeee!” 

“Don’t meee me, this is a one time offer. Take it or leave it, but don’t come crying to me later because you’re hungry.” 

“Threatening a goat to starve him to death? Wow, your heart is made from stone, James.” Tony sat next to him and took Harvey and the bottle from him. He placed the goat on his lap and offered him the bottle, which the goat accepted. 

“I spent a year in Wakanda taking care of goats and yet they listen to you more, and you’ve been here for two weeks and barely paying attention to them.” 

“I’m their alpha.” Tony said and made a baby voice while congratulating Harvey for drinking his milk. 

“I don’t think goats have alphas.” 

“Well I am their leader. Or their CEO. Whatever, the important thing is that they listen to me, not to you, and that is an accomplishment. I am tired of seeing you succeed at everything you do.” Tony stuck his tongue out and in return, Bucky grabbed it between his fingers and pulled at it lightly. 

“I don’t succeed at everything I do, but thanks for the compliment.” Bucky said and looked at the views. Wakanda was truly his favourite place ever. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Tony asked as he put the goat on the ground and watched it run after Dumbo. 

“I was thinking about how this place is my favourite place in the world.” 

“Really?” 

“Well, not really. I do believe that even the worst place on Earth would be my favourite as long as I have you by my side.” 

Tony smiled and looked away with a blush. “You are too cheesy. But I can say the same thing. All I need is you by my side.” 

Bucky smiled and pulled Tony closer, wrapping his left arm around his shoulder.

“Do you ever think about how unpredictable life is? I mean, one day you are okay and happy, next day you might not even be here. And we waste our time worrying about things and dwelling in past mistakes and traumas. I wish we could all live in the moment. I want to live in the moment. I want to stop thinking about my past with HYDRA and I don’t want to panic over what could happen tomorrow. I want to make progress and I want to live without worrying about Pierce, or that my left arm isn’t actually my real arm, or that I have traumas, but at the same time, whenever I take one step forward, my mind takes me ten steps back.” 

“I know. I’ve been there with my PTSDs. First the kidnapping and then, while I was still dealing with the trauma I had from Afghanistan, I almost died flying a nuclear warhead into space to save the world from an alien invasion. I couldn’t sleep at night without having nightmares, and I almost killed Pepper once.” 

“You never told me about killing Pep.” 

“Well, actually I was having a nightmare. I was kissing Pepper and we were all happy, and then I was falling… And Pepper tried to wake me up, I probably panicked and called one of my suits in my sleep. Thankfully I deactivated the suit before it could harm Pepper, but I have put people in harm’s way because of my traumas. And I still have some issues, you know, issues that always have me looking over my shoulder. The thing is, we all have them, like it or not, and as I learned a long time ago, it is up to us whether we let those issues control us or we control them. It’s hard, but you have to decide how to live your life.” 

“For now I chose to live in the moment. And the moment is now, watching how our dumb dog is chasing goats and how our dumb baby goat is chasing our dumb dog. Oh, and Tony Stark not wearing a fancy suit is also something worth living in the moment for.” 

Tony rolled his eyes and looked the time. “We better get ready to go pick up Imani from school or otherwise we won’t hear the end of it.” 

Bucky chuckled and got up. “Tony, I think Imani might be the next Pepper Potts, girl has attitude and knows everything.” 

“Plus, she is a control freak.” Tony said and got up as well. 

On the way to the school, Bucky thought about what Tony had told him. He wasn’t completely healed. He had been in Wakanda for around a month, dealing with his PTSD and relaxing from the real world. He still worried about other things, like his auto shop, so once a week, he called Luis to ask him how the business was going.

Before the kidnapping, Bucky had planned moving the shop to a bigger garage due to the high demand, and after what happened, he was more than sure that he wanted to proceed with the moving. He didn’t want to walk into the garage every day and be reminded of what happened… Tony lying on the floor, unconscious with his head bleeding, the savages ripping off his arm… No, he wanted to move on and that meant getting rid of things that would anchor him. 

He did feel sad about having to leave the garage. He had amazing memories with Tony and his friends, and that was the first thing in a long time that felt his, that made him feel accomplished and normal. But change was good, so he was happy. 

 

While Imani and Jojo were doing their homework, Tony and Bucky were in the kitchen preparing something to eat. He looked at his boyfriend and smiled fondly. Tony looked at him and smiled as well. 

“It’s nice seeing you smile.” Tony said. 

“I never stopped smiling.” 

“I know. But these smiles… they aren’t forced, James. They are genuine. And you do it more often. Are you happy?” 

“I am alive, in Wakanda, with the love of my life and the kids that I pretty much consider my daughters, so yeah, I am surrounded by my family, which makes me very happy.” It was true. This time around, it was easier on Bucky healing from HYDRA. He smiled and pulled Tony closer, their lips inches apart. “And I also found myself being happy in a different way this morning while you were showering… if you know what I mean.” He whispered and put his hands on Tony’s lower back, pulling him even closer. 

“Is that so?” Tony bit his lip and leaned in closer. “Will you show me? How happy you were?” 

Bucky smiled devilishly and leaned to whisper in Tony’s ear. “The second the kids leave, you’re mine.” he said in a deep voice, the voice that drove Tony crazy. Tony took in a sharp breath and shivered. “Did that turn you on, kitten?” 

“Damn right it turned me on. And you better stop that. The kids are here.” 

Bucky chuckled and let go of Tony before giving him a kiss on the lips, something he had barely done. This time, it didn’t feel like nothing. It felt good, it felt like his blood was set on fire. It felt like he was alive, experiencing everything for the first time all over again. 

Tony’s phone rung and he excused himself, leaving Bucky alone in the kitchen peeling potatoes. When Tony came back, he was pale and he had that look on his face that made Bucky panic. 

“What is wrong?” 

“I have to go to New York… Pierce is back… and he killed Coulson.” 

There went Bucky’s happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well there goes Bucky's happiness (again)  
> I hope you enjoyed the chapter and feel free to leave a comment.


End file.
